


Two Halves of a Whole

by Queen_Slytherin07



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, OC, Reiner x OC, attack on titan - Freeform, reiner braun - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:36:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11441991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Slytherin07/pseuds/Queen_Slytherin07
Summary: Rayne Lee was a mysterious young girl who used to think her appearance in Shiganshina coincided with the arrival of the Colossal and Armored Titans. She had no memory of who she was before they appeared. But now as a member of the Scout Regiment she was determined to break the mystery of who she was and why she was here.





	1. #1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first AoT fanfic. It won't be too long of a story, probably a dozen chapters or so. My other stories are still going on and also, MAJOR SEASON 2 SPOLIERS AHEAD!!!! Let me know what you guys think!

The earliest memories of my life are almost nonexistent. They pester me in my dreams, pressing against my subconscious so stark and contrast next to each other, like the ruined remnants of stained glass. There were some memories that I was able to make out every now and then: an ocean, a soft touch, a song. They would return at the most random of times, interrupting my fake life with flashes of a life I couldn’t remember. One fateful day, I was badly injured and everything that I had forgotten violently rushed back, including a mission that made me rethink everything I thought I was.

~~~

“Hey! Little girl! Are you alright?” I could hear voices, loud and worried and I slowly opened my eyes.

“Did someone hurt you? You're covered in blood!” I sat up and winced at the bright setting sun.

“Little girl! Where are your parents? Are they around here? How did you get here?”

“Where’s here?” I asked softly. An older woman quickly came to my side.

“We need to get her to Dr. Yaeger. She doesn't look too good.” I Iooked down at myself and saw torn and bloodied clothes. I blinked a couple of times and tried to remember what happened. I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name.

“My name…” I gasped. “What is my name?”

“Come on, dear. Can you walk?” The older lady got me to my feet and began leading me away from the uneasy crowd.

“Weird for a girl as young as her to wind up in the middle of the street looking like that. I wonder where she came from?” I could still hear the people talking about me as the old lady aided me along.

“You're telling me. It's almost as if she just fell from the sky. How ridiculous of an idea that is.” The group dispersed and returned to their previous duties, the thoughts of the origins of an unknown girl no longer an issue.

I continued to focus my attention on the road ahead of me, my mind an empty abyss. Why can't I remember anything? Is this my home? Do I have people worrying about me? What is my name?

We stopped at a small house and before we could step towards the door, a woman emerged, wearing a simple dress with an apron tied around her waist. Her dark hair was tied back and hung down her shoulder. Her face was stern but loving and I felt a pang of longing deep in my chest.

“Mom?” The beautiful woman rushed to meet us and began looking me over.  
“Carla, dear, is your husband here? Me and a few other villagers found this young girl in the street and she seems to need a doctor. She can't remember anything about where she's from, she doesn't even know her own name.”

“It’s Rayne.” I said uncertainly. I looked back up at the beautiful woman, her name was Carla, and suddenly remembered the voice of another woman who looked like this one. She had her arms around me, was she crying? She was patting my head and kept saying something. ‘It'll be okay Rayne. Momma loves you. No matter what happens, I'll always love you.’

“Oh dear!” Carla put her arms around me. Tears had starting to fall down my cheek and I hadn't realized it. The sharp pang of longing hit me out of nowhere and at that moment, I really missed my own mom, wherever she was. “Come on in, dear. I'll make you something to eat. Thank you, Mrs. Rally. Grisha is out on business right now but I'll take care of you until he comes back.”

“Okay dear, that sounds good and you're very welcome. I just knew something was off when we found her and when she started talking I brought her straight here. I hope you get better soon, young lady.” I turned to wave at the old woman.

“Thank you, that's makes two of us.” I joked. She laughed and with a wave, headed back down the street. I followed Carla into her modest home and she ushered me into a seat at a wooden table.

“Here we are, dear. Just relax and I'll get something nice and hot for you.” She began to tend to a small stove, igniting the fire and placing a small pot on the stove top to warm.

I watched the fire dance, the flames leaping and fighting for dominance. It was oddly soothing to me and suddenly I saw a flash of something. I was sitting in front of a fire that was dancing similarly to the one back in the stove. I could barely make out the man sitting across from me cross legged on the other side of the fire, his round glasses reflecting the light.

I blinked and I was brought back to the kitchen, a bowl of some white rice which had been cooked in hot milk sat in front of me. I also noticed a generous piece of bread on my napkin next to my bowl. I could feel how hungry I was but I was too overcome with emotions to lift my spoon. I looked down at my food again and noticed a small dark stick stark against the white of the rice. I plucked it out of my bowl and brought it to my nose. An intense smell exploded and in surprise I dropped the stick. Carla turned quickly to me.

“Oh, I’m sorry I should've asked if you liked cinnamon. I can take it dear.” She extended her hand to take the stick from me but I brought it close to my chest.

“No, it’s alright. I just didn’t expect the smell to be so nice.” Carla grinned down at me.

“So, did your mom cook with a lot of cinnamon? Did it trigger a memory?” I looked up at the woman. Her back was to me and I was grateful for that.

“I…” I didn’t know how to answer her.

“I know a little bit about memory loss, Rayne.” She turned back around to face me and then took the seat across from me. “Sometimes, when you suffer a head injury or endure a tragic event you would suffer some memory loss. However, it’s not always a bad thing. With the help of certain triggers, pieces of your memory will return. Either in flashes or all it once, I think it all depends on the person.” She smiled at me and I smiled back before looking at my bowl again. I tore a piece of bread and dipped it into the bowl. I popped the morsel into my mouth and my taste buds exploded. The food was hot and sweet and I gave a very satisfied hum.

“This is delicious!” I exclaimed before repeating the process. Carla gave a gracious laugh.

“Thank you, Rayne. It happens to be Eren and Mikasa’s favorite.”

I opened my mouth to question her but before I could a huge tremor ripped through the earth. Carla and I were thrown to the ground along with various objects from the table, stove and shelves throughout the house. Before I could get up, Carla was at my side, lifting me up by my arms.

“Rayne! Are you okay?” I nodded and we both listened to the commotion that was going on outside. I wrestled out of Carla’s arms and ran out the door. I could hear her calling my name but I didn’t stop. Once I was out in the open I looked over in the direction of the wall.

I couldn’t believe what I saw. A titan was peeking over the wall. It had its large hand gripping the wall, pieces of it crumbling down to the streets below. I looked over back towards Carla. She was standing in the doorway looking over at me. I think she was calling to me. I was just about to run back to her when giant chunks of the wall were violently propelled into the air. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw a large piece of wall crash right into Carla’s house. That wasn't the only place that was being bombarded with the deadly projectiles. All around me, people and buildings were being crushed by debris that was impossible to escape. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, titans began coming through the hole. I didn’t worry about them. I ran to the crumbled remains of Carla’s house. She was trapped in the rubble, underneath what seemed like a mountain. I knew my efforts would be futile, but I didn’t care. With the screams of the titans victims rising in the air, I knew I had to get Carla out of there. I saw her beautiful face, bruised and bloody from the crash.

“CARLA!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as my small hands began digging her out. I didn’t acknowledge the cuts and splinters I was receiving I only had one objective: freeing this woman. I continued calling out to her again but stopped when I heard a young boys voice behind me.

“MOM! MOM!” He disregarded me and began doing what I had been doing. He was joined by a young girl who joined him in trying to free Carla. I began to realize that this must be Eren and Mikasa. I noticed movement where Carla lay and saw that she had awaken.

“Carla!” I sighed as I reached down and grabbed her free hand. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get you out of this!” I saw that the majority of the rubble had been cleared off and the only thing that stood in my way was a huge wooden beam. I knelt down and grabbed it but I was suddenly pushed out of the way by Eren.

“Who the Hell do you think you are?! This is MY mom! I’ll save her!” Eren began trying to lift the beam off of her but it wasn’t budging one bit. I sat there, tears in my eyes as I looked over at Carla who was looking right into my eyes.

I saw my mom again. She was looking over at me with the same look I saw in Carla’s eyes. My mom was standing at the gallows with a noose around her neck, tears in her eyes. She reached her arms out to me and I saw the tears falling down her cheeks. ‘Momma loves you, Rayne. I will always love you.’ She started to fall and then -SNAP-

“Aauuughhh!” I screamed and grabbed the sides of my head.

“Rayne!” I looked up and saw Carla reaching out for me. I quickly went to her and grabbed her hand. She pulled Mikasa and tried to pull Eren but he couldn't be bothered. “I want you to meet the new friend I made. This is Rayne and she's all alone. I want you two to take care of her.” I gripped Carla’s hand tighter and the tears started flowing freely.

“We won't need to take care if her! You'll be able to! Just as soon as I free you!” Eren was still pulling at the beam. His hands began to bleed and I turned away from that.

“Eren, please stop. This is pointless. The debris crushed my legs, I can't walk, let alone run. I won't be able to escape.”

“I'll carry you if I have to! I am not leaving you!” Eren shouted in his mother's face and watched him, appalled.

“Dammit Eren! Why can't you listen to me for once in your life?! Get out of here!”

I suddenly heard a zipping noise and an older blonde man came swooping down to us.

“Hannes!” Carla called out. “Please get the-” she stopped mid sentence due to the footfalls of a disturbing titan with an evil grin heading right toward us. “Hannes please! Get the children out of here! Leave!”

“Don't talk like that Carla. I'm going to save all you. I'm going to start by killing that titan!” He extended some blades from the gear attached to his waist and he ran off in the direction the titan was coming.

“Rayne, Eren, Mikasa, please you have to stay strong, you have to stay alive and fight for each other! I know that you just met but you have to take care of each other. Promise me.”

“I promise, Carla.” I gripped her hand again.

“Mom, please. Stop this! Hannes is going to kill the titan and we're all going to-” Eren was suddenly lifted by Hannes followed by Mikasa. He took off running toward the inner wall and I looked at them as they ran away.

“Let's go, girl!” Hannes called to me but I couldn't move. My grip on Carla's hand was too fierce.

“I-i can't.” The pain in my heart was fierce. This woman took care of me, a total stranger fed me and brought me into her home and now she was going to die.

“Rayne, please. You have to go.” The footfalls were getting closer.

“I can't lose you. My mom is gone Carla. I lost her and I can't lose you, I won't lose you too!” I began sobbing uncontrollably and I felt Carla place a hand on my cheek.

“I'll always be with you.” She whispered. I placed my hand on hers and closed my eyes as I stood up and ran away. I couldn't look back and see what was happening. I could hear enough. I ran as fast as I could to the inner wall and I never looked back.

×××××××

The mission started off a success. Bertolt was able to bust the wall open and I was able to infiltrate as just another titan. I slowly made my way to the inner wall, leaving a path of destruction and death in my wake. I didn't move too fast, I wanted to enjoy this victory. Once I was in position with my sights set on the inner wall, I took my stance and charged. I ignored the cannons firing in front of me and kept my eyes on the target. Once I got closer to the wall I crashed through with such force I couldn't help but grin. I was a fulfilling my duty as a warrior and I knew that my family and my life will be made whole again. I wouldn't have to worry about them any more.

Once I was through I got a bit carried away and a stream of fire flew from my open mouth. I was going to make sure these devils knew who they were dealing with. I also couldn't help but wonder where our secret weapon was. I was told that they were going to put on one hell of a show. I guess we'll have to wait to meet them when we infiltrate the cadet corps in a few years.

Long may Marley prosper.


	2. #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Armored Titan and the 104th Cadet Corps  
> MAJOR SPOILERS

I went back through the hole I had just made in the inner wall and proceeded into the ruined city to begin the trek to mine and Bertolt's rendezvous. I knew that this was going to be the hard part, for we had to make our way through the town dodging titans to get to the boats that were evacuating the population. Once I was certain there were no people around, I exited my titan form. The steam seemed to provide me with enough cover that I was able to slowly make my way down my previous form and onto the street. Our rendezvous location was a bell tower that was located a short distance from the inner wall. I hit the ground running and kept my eyes and ears open for any signs of danger. I wasn't afraid of getting caught, I knew that if I died in the line of duty, I would be hailed a hero back at home and then my family could live in peace. I hung on to that thought, that I would be proud to kill innocent people as long as the ones that really mattered would be okay.

When I finally saw the bell tower, I sprinted across countless bodies and yanked open the door. I was greeted with a knife to my throat and quickly sprang into self defense mode, only to see that it was Bertolt at the other end of the knife. I grinned at him and pulled him into an embrace, giving his back a hard smack.

"You were great out there, Bertolt!" I exclaimed quietly. He gave me a grin placed a hand on my shoulder.

"So were you. You sure made rubble out of that wall. They'll definitely tell stories about us for years to come. Did you see if Annie made it onto the ships?" I smirked at this. I've known how Bertolt felt about Annie since we got into this land.

"I'm sure she did. We both know how tough she is. I wouldn't worry too much." I removed my bag from my shoulders and pulled out some rations for me and Bertolt. I opened up a small box of crackers after tossing one to Bertolt. We sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of screams and footfalls.

"What do you think happened to the secret weapon?" Bertolt asked after he finished his box. I finished chewing the crackers in my mouth before I answered him.

"I don't know. I was thinking about that also. I wish they had trusted us more to at least tell us their name. We don't know if they made it or anything. Now we're going to get to the Cadet Corps without knowing which of those devils is actually on our side."

"Do you think Annie knows?" Bertolt asked as he stood up and loaded his bag.

I shrugged and looked toward the direction of the door. "I doubt it. We were all at the same briefing and we left right after. I don't see when there would be time to tell her." I stood up and figured we spent enough time lingering. It was time to go.

"So, how are we doing this? Are we running straight to the wall or are we going to try to flag down rescue?"

"We don't need rescue, Bertolt." I scoffed. "We can do this all on our own." I kicked the door open and was greeted by a wide eyed titan. I grabbed Bertolt's wrist and pulled him to the left, toward the wall and out of the titan's reach. My small legs were pounding against the road, kicking up dust. I released Bertolt's arm and began sprinting to the wall. Bertolt was doing the same and soon he overtook me. I clenched my teeth and pounded faster, trying to at least catch up. But I couldn't, he just kept getting farther ahead and the titan was right on my tail.

I am not weak. I am strong. I am a warrior.

I let out a feral cry and sprinted again. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my legs were getting heavier with each step, but I ignored all that. I caught up to Bertolt and I grabbed his wrist as I ran passed him. We quickly made it to the hole in the wall and saw that the last boat was about to leave.

"Reiner! Let's hurry!" This time Bertolt grabbed my wrist and we ran to the last boat calling out to those aboard to not leave without us.

"Wait! Please!" I called out in desperation. The Garrison troops on board the boat starting scurrying about, trying to asses what to do in this situation.

"Hold the boat! There's children down there!" One of the soldiers called out and the boat slowed but didn't completely stop. Me and Bertolt were now running along side the boat but we were running out of land. Then a rope was thrown and we both caught it and held on as the soldiers pulled us up into the boat. We crashed onto the deck, both breathing heavily.

"Wow, are you kids alright?" One of the soldiers asked. "You two are very lucky to be alive." I continued heaving, but placed my hand on Bertolt's shoulder.

"Yea," I said in between breaths. "I guess we are."

xxxxxxxxx

I looked down at the water as the boat cut through it on its way to the refugee site inside Wall Rose. Apparently, after the Armored Titan broke through Wall Maria, all of humanity had to be brought into Wall Rose. We would be staying there for the duration, living in hunger and poverty, becoming nothing but a burden to the real inhabitants of Wall Rose.

"I hate the thought of being nothing but a nuisance to people." I said out loud. Mikasa and Eren turned to me but didn't say anything. "I mean, surely there is something more we can do, something that can drive these fucking things out."

"Rayne." Mikasa stood and walked closer to me. "What exactly do you think you can do? What can one person do?"

"It's not about what one person can do Mikasa." Eren said as he stood and looked out toward Shiganshina. "It's about what a group of people can do."

"No." Mikasa gave a curt nod. "We are not having this discussion again Eren." Eren brought a fist down on the railing of the boat startling me and pulling Armin from his nap.

"And why the hell not?!" He turned to Mikasa and I could see the fire in his eyes. They burned with a hate and determination that I admired. I felt the same fire growing in my heart since I saw the Colossal Titan kick the wall in. "I swear Mikasa, sometimes I just don't understand you! How can you be so compliant with living this kind of life? Aren't you tired of living like cattle? Don't you ever want to get out from beyond these walls and see what lies beyond? Remember Armin's book? Don't you remember the ocean?"

I gasped. I could remember the ocean, the smell of the salt and fish next to me, the rocking of the small sail boat I was on. My mother, her hair glowing in the sun and blowing in the breeze beautifully.

I was brought back to reality by the sound of my name being called.

"Well Rayne? Are you in?" I turned my head in confusion.

"Uh, in? In what exactly?" Eren clasped his hand to his forehead and heaved a great sigh.

"Geez, Rayne, weren't you listening at all? I'm going to join the Cadet Corps in a couple of years. I'm going to train and become a soldier in the Scout Regiment. I am going to drive out every last titan until I get you, Mikasa and Armin to the ocean." He reached his hand out to mine and I clasped it hard, his grip fueling my desire to fight as well. "Are you in?" I felt the fire of determination in my heart grow until in consumed my entire body.

"Yes, I'm in. I'll join the Cadets with you. Maybe I can also figure out the secret to my own identity. I admire your fight Eren, I really do. But I am in the dark about myself almost as much as the three of you. If I am going to fight fully alongside you, I need to know who I am. And I'm not even sure how to go about doing that. What if it's not in the Scouts? You're mom," Eren turned away from me. "Your mom told me that I must've hit my head or suffered an accident of some kind and that's why I can't remember anything. I don't think I can be a soldier just yet. I'm with you Eren, but I can't be with you fully until I get with myself."

"Then we will help you, Rayne." Armin stood and put his hand on my shoulder. "We will help you become whole again." I smiled and placed my hand on his. I looked over at Eren and Mikasa and they smiled at me as well, nodding their heads in agreement.

"Thank you, all of you." I looked out in the direction of the setting sun and knew that this was a turning point for all of us.

/

"Listen up! The 104th Cadet Corps Class entrance ceremony has begun! I am your commandant, Keith Sadies, and I can assure you, you will not get pity nor empathy from me! Also I wouldn't expect a warm welcome, as you all are nothing but fodder to be fed to Titans! You are nothing but livestock, lower than livestock! Over the course of these next three years, you all are going to be trained in the ways of fighting titans! When you reach the end of the three years, will you still only be food for the titans, will you be the soldier that stands and fights as the barrier that protects His Majesty, or will you wield the blade that sets on destroying and driving out the titans, all in the name of humanity?! That, you worthless cattle, is for you to decide!"

Yes. It was for me to decide. I had no idea who I was, or where I came from, but with my fist over my heart I will decide who I can be. I can choose my own path. I can choose the life I want to live.


	3. #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training begins in the Cadet Corps, there's a lot of unknown feelings going around, please enjoy

I really enjoyed our first day of training. The commandant, Keith Sadies was really tough but I liked that about him. He didn't bullshit. We didn't necessarily give introductions, he went through the lines talking to a few people and then having the line about face. There were a few weirdos in the class, like a boy named Connie, who gave a backwards salute, and a girl named Sasha who decided to snack on a potato she stole right in the middle of Commandant Sadies lecture.

I also began to take notice of the people he talked to and the people he didn't. It seemed that the one's he skipped over, myself, Eren and Mikasa included, were people who knew and saw the evil of the titans that fateful day two years ago. There was also a really mean looking blonde girl, a taller dark haired boy, a blonde haired boy next to him and a tan skinned, freckled face girl. The one's he did talk to seemed to have no idea of what we were up against and had their hopes set on joining the Military Police and being safe for the rest of their lives deep behind the walls.

'The Military Police' I thought to myself, 'could that be a destination with answers? Would I be able to find help there?' I began thinking about what the Military Police is. They live a life of leisure and plenty. To make it into the Military Police, you have to graduate in the top ten of the class. It seems that the better you are at fighting titans, the farther away you can get from them.

The day continued on with intense training and belittlement. It was full of exercising and sparring, getting us ready for the days ahead.

"Alright you lowly cattle! All of you head to the barracks to change and then to the mess hall for dinner! Report to this field at dawn to begin training! Dismissed!" We gave one last salute and were finally able to relax. I looked around for Mikasa, since we had been assigned to the same barracks, and found her talking to Eren and Armin. I ran to catch up with them and walked as Eren and Armin discussed the day. I didn't join in, I just walked on Armin's left side thinking about what path would lead me to answers.

"Hey, Rayne!" I was pulled from my thoughts by Eren's loud voice. Apparently, I had took hold of Armin's arm and hadn't let go, even as he and Eren attempted to walk into the boy's barracks.

"Aahh!" I quickly let go and threw my hands up in defense mode. "I'm sorry! I must've spaced out!" I looked down the steps of the porch and saw Mikasa waiting for me. I gave a nervous laugh and ran down to meet her. "Sorry again, Armin!" I waved back to him.

"It's alright! We'll see you for dinner!" He yelled out as me and Mikasa made our way into the girl's barracks. We shared a corner with two other girls, a dark haired girl, I believe her name was Mina and the scary blonde who's name was Annie. They were already dressed in their casual clothes and were walking toward the door. I walked over to my bed and began to remove my uniform.

"Rayne, are you alright?" I heard Mikasa ask from behind me.

"Yea, I was just thinking about the Military Police, if maybe that would be the path to take to get answers." She didn't answer and I knew what that meant. She was thinking about it also. Once I got down to my undergarments, I folded my uniform neatly and stretched.

"Do you think they do?" I looked up and Mikasa was standing next to me, already dressed. I looked down at my own clothes, a soft blue cotton long sleeved shirt, a white ankle length skirt and brown boots. I also had an old handkerchief that I used to tie up my short hair.

"I'm not sure," I answered as I started getting dressed. "They're enclosed and sheltered and I'm not sure I got to where I am by living that kind of life." Once I laced up my boots and tied up my hair we walked out of the barracks.

"I really think it may be with the Scouts that you'll find your answers." She finally said as we walked into the mess hall. "To be able to go out of the walls and see what lies beyond, I don't know why but I believe that there lies the answers to the mystery know as Rayne." we got into the line for our meals and I looked down at my worn boots and sighed.

"You're probably right, as usual." She gave a small smile and we found a table to sit. We sat alone for a while until more people started filing into the mess hall. As I was taking a drink from my cup, I noticed the tall dark haired boy and the blonde boy walk in. I began taking in the blonde boys features, muscular, short blonde hair, a few inches taller than me, wearing beige pants and a forest green shirt. I was just about to look into his eyes, when I saw they were on me. I cleared my throat and turned my attention to Mikasa, pretending to be engaged in a conversation with her.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "You're face is red. Are you getting sick?" I cleared my throat again and started shifting in my seat.

"Pretend to say something funny."

"Huh?"

"Hahaha!" I laughed a little to loud. "Mikasa! That is just hilarious!"

"I didn't say anything." She looked up over my shoulder and I heard someone snickering. I turned and saw the blonde headed boy, laughing as he walked past with his tray.

"Well, that wasn't embarrassing." I sighed and just focused on my food, leaving Mikasa confused about what had just happened.

xxxxxxx

My first impression of that girl was that she was weird. First, I catch her staring and then she goes through so much trouble to hide the fact. I found the whole thing amusing. Bertolt didn't really pay any attention to it. He kept thinking about our ally, they had yet to make contact with us, despite knowing who we were. Annie hadn't mentioned it being anyone in the girl's barracks so we were stumped about what was going to happen. Maybe they didn't make it to the Cadet Corps?

I sighed and began eating my food, listening to everyone talk around me. A group of guys walked in and they were discussing the titans and the attack on Shiganshina.

"So you really saw the Colossal Titan?"

"What was it like?"

"Did it really step over the wall?"

The focus was all on one kid, Eren Jaeger I believe was his name. I listened closely as he took a seat a ways behind me with his tray.

"Well? What did it look like?" A boy asked.

"It was very tall and had no skin." He answered, trying to get bite of food in.

"What about the other one?" Another asked.

"What other one?"

"The Armored Titan! The one that crashed through Wall Maria?"

"I'm not sure not why it's called that, it looked like a regular titan to me." I had to lift my cup to my mouth to hide the smirk.

"So then, what are normal titans like?" Before he could answer a loud bang came from behind me. A few people were startled and we all turned to see what happened. It was the weird girl from before. She was standing with her fists on the table, a look of absolute hatred on her face.

"You want to know what the titans are like?!" She yelled, shrugging the other girl's hand off her shoulder. She walked around the table and was standing in front of the group of guys. "They're monsters! Especially the two you guys are talking about! I saw what both of those abominations did to the walls! They destroyed them and hundreds of innocent people's lives! They do nothing but kill!" She stopped for a few seconds before clenching her fists again and making contact with every pair of eyes, lingering on mine for just a split second longer. "I'm going to be the one to do it." She said through clenched teeth. "I will fight to my last dying breath and make sure I kill the Colossal and Armored Titans!" Then right before our eyes, her mood shifted. She wrapped her arms around herself and then ran out the door, tears falling from her eyes. The girl she was sitting with followed her along with Armin and Eren. Everyone sat there dumbfounded.

"Tsk, what's her problem?" Jean asked as he and the rest continued eating. I looked up and met Bertolt's eyes but he quickly looked down at his food. I sighed and sat up returning my tray and cup before walking out the door. I could hear the small group talking near the barracks but I paid them no mind. I walked past them and headed for the door.

"Hey," A soft voice called out and I stopped slowly turning my head.

"Yea?" It was the weird girl.

"I'm sorry for staring at you. I just got lost in a thought." I turned to face her more and really looked at her. She was plain, but there was a fire to her. Her eyes also seemed to be so full yet so empty at the same time. They were also red from her crying but the pain she had been feeling seemed to have vanished completely.

"Don't worry about it." I turned back around and walked into the barracks. I headed straight for my bunk and stripped down to my underpants. I crashed onto my bed and sighed, wishing I was already out of here.

xxxxxxxx

"Rayne, what's going on with you?" Armin asked after I walked back down the porch steps. "I already have to worry about Eren's outbursts, am I going to have to worry about yours as well?" I made a face and turned away from everyone.

"Those guys just made me mad. They have absolutely no idea what we are fighting against!" I took a deep breath and began to think about what I said. "I probably overreacted, I'm sorry guys." I began thinking of my mom again and what I had gathered about my past. My mom was killed, executed for some reason, I used to live on the ocean and was possibly part of a fishing family? That was almost nothing to go on. I still didn't know where my home even was. I clenched my eyes tight.

"Rayne," I looked up and into the eyes of my three friends, my only friends. "It's getting late, and we have early training tomorrow. I don't want you to worry so much. Get some sleep." Armin gave me a quick hug and Eren put a hand on my shoulder before walking up into their barracks.

I turned back toward Mikasa and we walked together into our barracks. I sighed and removed my boots and fell onto my bed. Mikasa sat on her bunk across from me and began removing her shoes.

"Rayne, why did you lie to that boy?" I turned to her and felt my cheeks flush.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I turned my attention to the bunk above me.

"I've know you long enough to know when your pondering over something. You weren't lost in thought when he caught you staring. You were just staring." I cringed and draped my arm over my face. I knew she would catch that.

"I was just curious. I noticed that the commandant didn't bother talking to him and I was just trying to asses him."

"Then why didn't you assess the taller boy as well?" I grunted in annoyance and turned my back to Mikasa.

"Because he didn't catch my interest." She didn't say anything more and I sighed. Having an interest in something or someone at a time like this will only cause a distraction. My only goal is to fight and discover who I really am.

I fell asleep with thoughts of revenge overtaking the thoughts of golden eyes.

/

The training we were doing was testing how well we did with the ODM gear. We were to be strapped and lifted up by the belts at our waists and we needed to balance in the air. The commandant began calling out people's names and strapping them to the harness. I was impressed by the number of people that were able to accomplish it, but not surprised at the small number that couldn't. When Commandant Sadies called my name, I was a little nervous. One of the cadets named Wagner was operating the lift and he also attached the wires to my belt. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead before Wagner pulled me up. I felt a tightening in my core and I threw my arms out to balance. My feet were dangling and used my abdominal muscles as the focus for my balance. I wobbled a bit but was able to hold out for the required 15 seconds. I sighed in relief as I was let down and unstrapped. As I was walking away the commandant called another name.

"Reiner Braun!" It was the blonde haired, golden eyed boy. He walked passed me and without realizing it my gaze followed him. He paid no attention to me and for some reason that irked me. I turned away from him and went to stand next to the group of cadets who had passed their test. I watched the blonde, Reiner, get lifted up and he passed his test flawlessly. He wobbled but he had such an admirable look of focus that I couldn't help but grin. As he was being lowered, I saw him look in my direction and I felt my cheeks flush again. I looked back up and he was walking toward me. I cleared my throat and kept my gaze forward trying to ignore the fact that he was standing next to me.

I didn't understand what I was feeling. My heart was beating really fast and it felt like my stomach was churning. 'Why am I feeling like this? Why do I suddenly feel the urge to throw up?' I didn't dare look up at him, being so close would definitely get me caught again, so I just watched as the other cadets were tested, ignoring the need to continually wipe the sweat from my brow.

xxxxxxxxx

I wasn't too thrilled at the fact that I had to stand next to the weird girl named Rayne. There wasn't much room left in the front so I just casually walked and stood next to her. I could see how tense she was next to me and I glanced at her constantly. She was nervous about something but I couldn't think of why. She had already been tested and did amazing. I watched as she was raised up and the look on her face spoke volumes to her character. She seemed hardworking, determined and loyal. I could definitely relate to being loyal. I was brought back to reality by Rayne suddenly moving more toward the very front. I saw that her friends were getting tested next. I looked at the way she was standing, her hair tied in place with an old handkerchief and the way her fist was clenched. I couldn't help but grin at the way she cheered her friends on and the way she tried to push Eren to remain upright when he wasn't able to maintain his balance.

These people were who she was loyal to. She wasn't loyal to a country or a thing, she was loyal to the ones she cared about. I began to think that maybe she wasn't so weird after all. I decided that I wanted to try to talk to her after the training, but she ended up staying with Eren, Mikasa and Armin. I lingered for a little while longer and turned away when I saw her look at me. I walked back to the barracks to change and ran into Bertolt, who had left before me.

"So, what did you think about the training?" He asked as he began folding his uniform. I began undressing and shrugged.

"Not too bad, it's going to be pretty easy to master, I think." I could still feel Bertolt's eyes on me in a scrutinizing way. "What is it?" I asked annoyed.

"I was just thinking about that girl you stood next to. Rayne I believe." He began dressing as I turned and looked at him.

"What about her?"

"Did you know she has no memory about where she's from?" He stopped dressing and looked into my eyes. "She can't remember anything in her life before the attack on Shiganshina." I narrowed my eyes at him, realizing what he was saying but unable to talk about it further.

"Oh, is that so?" I continued dressing as the wheels in my head began turning.

"I'm thinking about asking her about it. I think that would be quite a story to hear." I felt a pang of something I wasn't really familiar with. It made my face hot and I clenched my fists without realizing it. "That be okay with you, right?" He asked as he came up from behind me. I quickly relaxed my hands and put on a straight face.

"Yea, it's fine. I'm sure you'll be able to learn something about her." He placed a hand on my shoulder and headed toward the door. I sat on my bed and tried to find the name for how I felt. Why did Bertolt talking to Rayne make me feel so upset? I couldn't come up with a name for it so I just shrugged it off. It wasn't important how the information was obtained, as long as it was obtained.

I finished dressing and walked out of the barracks. I was almost knocked down by Armin and Mikasa who were holding an unconscious Eren. Rayne was running behind them and as she ran passed me, her hair was released from the handkerchief and it slowly blew in the breeze toward me. I caught it in mid-air and looked down at it. It was so ratty and disgusting I almost threw it away. But I took a closer look at it and seen how many times it had been repaired and cared for. She cared about this rag. I looked back up as they continued running to the infirmary.

I clenched the handkerchief in my hand as I was able to put a name to the feeling I had earlier.

I was jealous. Why was I jealous? This girl was nothing to me. I had no time to make her something even if I wanted to. I had a mission and as a warrior I would see it through. I looked down at the rag in my hand and threw it the ground, stepping on it on my way to the mess hall.

When I walked in, I spotted Bertolt sitting alone. I knew he was waiting for Rayne. I walked past him without making eye contact and got my food. I sat on the opposite side of the mess hall and kept an eye out for Rayne and the others. They finally made it to the mess hall and Eren was basically being led through by Armin and Mikasa. Rayne wasn't with the group and I glanced over at Bertolt. He acted as if nothing happened but finished his food and stood right as Rayne walked in. I looked over at her and I felt a pang of guilt. She looked out of place without the rag around her head. She had a worried look on her face and her hair was all over the place. I looked down at my food my appetite completely gone. I got up and walked to where Rayne was at, her face looked so troubled.

"Rayne," I said before I realized it. She turned toward me and my breath caught in my throat. Her look was very angry and the nerves she seemed to be racked with around me before was replaced with an air of hostility. I lost my train of thought for a second and before I could gather myself, Bertolt came up from behind me.

"Rayne," He said as her friends began to stand and gather at the end of their table.

"Yes?" She asked annoyed, not looking at me anymore.

"I found this outside." Bertolt pulled something out of his pocket and I couldn't believe how angry I got when I saw it was Rayne's handkerchief. "It's yours right?" She took it from him and quickly threw her hair up.

"Thanks," She said softly. I had to get out of there. I walked away without acknowledging anyone. I didn't walk into the barracks right away. I stayed out on the porch, enjoying the cool breeze against my hot skin. I didn't know why but I was seeing Bertolt as a rival. A rival for what? Rayne's affection? That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever thought of. I was getting distracted by nothing and I had to stop. I walked into the barracks and waited for Bertolt.

xxxxxxx

"So, thanks for returning my handkerchief, I guess." I was walking next to Bertolt who insisted on walking me to the girls barracks. It was a really awkward situation, especially since Reiner never finished what he was saying to me. I kicked myself for being so mad about my handkerchief. I kept thinking about what it was he wanted to say then I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Rayne, are you alright?" Bertolt was standing tall, looking down at me.

"Yea, I'm sorry I just spaced out."

"Does that happen a lot?" I gave a humorless laugh.

"Only about everyday." I looked up at him and saw a look of worry. "I don't remember a lot about my life. I just woke up in Shiganshina on the day the..." I looked down at my boots and was suddenly overcome with emotion. "I'm sorry, I have to go." I ran into the barracks and straight to my bed. I almost let slip the one thing I had only shared with my three closest friends. I was afraid of what people who weren't there would think of if they found out I came out of no where on an infamous day in the history of humanity.

I couldn't let that piece of information be known, not until I learn the truth.


	4. #4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistrust and Allies

Bertolt returned and he walked over to his bunk. I waited for him to start talking. I also remembered to keep any personal feelings out of my head. I didn't come to this devil-ridden country to make friends. Once he was settled on his bunk, he started talking. "So, I didn't get very far. She broke down on me, but I can at least confirm that she did wake up on the day the titans breached the wall. Although, I'm going to have to get more out of her if I'm to be convinced she's connected to us. She also seemed really distracted, as if something or someone was on her mind." I kept a straight face, was Bertolt baiting me? Trying to see if I would react to this piece of information a certain way? No that's just crazy, why would he? I'm just imagining shit.

"I don't doubt that. I'm sure anyone in her situation would be distracted about waking up in some weird place. How are we going to proceed, hold back or try again?" Bertolt crossed his arms and sighed.

"I say hold back for now. I can't possibly talk to her again after that crazy scene she put on outside her barracks. So the next time we assess, you'll go in." I felt my heart speed up but I fought to keep the emotion out of my face. I nodded.

"All right," We turned toward a commotion in the middle of the barracks and saw Eren Jaeger and his friend talking to two other cadets. Eren was going on about asking for help with the ODM balance training.

"Hey, maybe a much easier way to go about this would be an indirect approach." He turned away and I followed his gaze. Make friends with Jaeger and Arlert to get close to Rayne. I ran through the idea in my head.

It would be easier and less awkward to make 'friends' with two guys and if they just so happened to be friends with Rayne, then maybe the information would be easier to obtain.

"That could be the way to go. Heads up." We looked over as Eren and Armin approached our bunks. We greeted them and Eren began introducing himself.

"Hey, I'm Eren Jaeger from Shiganshina. This is my friend Armin. I saw how good both of you guys were at the ODM training. Is there anyway you guys could give me some pointers? I really need to be able to pass tomorrow!" I crossed my arms in front of me, looking over at Bertolt. "Reiner! Bertolt! Please!"

"To be honest, it's basically just hanging there." I looked into his eyes. "I'm not exactly sure what kind of advice you're looking for, and I'd really hate to tell you something wrong." I saw his face fall in defeat and he muttered a soft, 'thanks anyway'.

"You, you guys said you're from Shiganshina?" They readjusted on the bed and nodded. "So, you two are very aware of the danger of the titans. Unlike a big amount of people here, who honestly don't know shit."

"Hey!" I hissed and motioned toward the door. "This isn't something you want to discuss so publically." I stood and started pulling on my boots. Bertolt, Eren and Armin began doing the same and we grabbed our hoods and a lantern on our way out. Once we were out into the cold night air, I looked over towards the girl's barracks. I saw someone, with their back to me, looking up at the full moon. I turned back around and followed Bertolt and the others.

xxxxxxx

Looking up at the moon seemed to calm me down. I don't know why I got so emotional when talking to Bertolt about my past. It was just a topic that I had never brought up with anyone. I mean, how often do people wake up before disaster strikes with no memory of who they are? I started thinking of what Mikasa said after I told her what happened.

"He was trying to be nice, Rayne. We are all on the same side. I'm sorry but maybe we can't wait to get to the Scouts to start finding out more about you. We need more help."

'More help,' I thought to myself. From who? Bertolt? Reiner? What could they do that me and my three best friends couldn't? I began thinking about what my mom would tell me. I wish I could remember more about her, but no matter how hard I racked my brain I couldn't see anymore of her. I just kept seeing her tears and hearing the snap of her neck.

I looked up and turned around, the sound of an actual snap coming from the trees. I noticed the forms of a few people walking away. I tried to see who it was but they were already walking deep into the woods. I ran back inside and grabbed a cloak before heading in the direction they took off in.

I waited until I was into the woods to start calling out for them, I didn't want to notify the commandant of us being out this late.

"Hey! Hey!" The group ahead of me stopped and turned around. I saw it was Eren, Armin, Bertolt and Reiner. My face lit up. I could apologize to Bertolt now. "Oh, Bertolt!" I ran to where they were waiting for me and smiled up at him. "Bertolt, I want to apologize for how I acted earlier. I understand that you were trying to help and..." I looked up at Eren and Armin. They seemed to know what I was planning to do and they nodded encouragingly. "I think I should tell you guys the truth. I woke up in Shiganshina on the day the Colossal and Armored Titans appeared. I was found in the street in bloody and torn clothes. Some of the people that found me, said it was if I fell from the sky." I looked up at Bertolt's and Reiner's face. They had a look of shock which didn't surprise me. "I have absolutely no memory of my life before that day. I only get snippets of memory and at certain times. It's random and I can't control it no matter how hard I try." Reiner and Bertolt looked at each other. I looked over at Eren and Armin and walked over to them. They were smiling at me and placed reassuring hands on my shoulders.

"What do you remember?" I turned and faced Reiner. The look he was giving me caused me to tense. I couldn't put a name to what I was feeling but I really didn't like it. I felt on edge, as if I was going to be attacked at any moment. It was as if my body was reacting faster than my mind.

"I-I can't recall at the moment." I looked down and feigned anguish. "I sometimes have bad days where even after I recall something and have it tight in my grasp, it slips right through my fingers." I looked up at him with such a pathetic look, he had to believe me right?

"I'm sorry." He said as he looked down at the ground. "I didn't mean to pry." I reached my hand up and placed it on his shoulder.

"It's alright, I know that you guys just want to help. If I remember anything I'll let you know." I smiled at him. He gave me a smile back and I froze. I felt a pang in my chest and my cheeks flushed up. I swallowed the glob of spit that was pooling under my tounge and I removed my hand from his shoulder before he started feeling how sweaty it was getting. "Well," I managed to get out without my voice giving away how I was feeling. "I'll be seeing you guys." I turned and waved at Eren and Armin before walking away from the boys and back through the trees.

"Wait, Rayne." I looked over my shoulder and saw Reiner walking toward me. I felt the same feeling I had earlier and I tensed slightly. I was still wondering what that feeling was. I hated it so much, I would rather have my palms get sweaty. "Why don't I walk you back?" There it was. The sweaty palms. I looked over at the rest of the guys; Armin and Eren were talking amongst themselves and Bertolt was looking at Reiner with a weird look on his face. I couldn't think of what it was and when he saw me looking he quickly played it off.

"Umm, I don't mind but I don't want to interrupt what you guys were doing."

"It's alright. I know where they're heading so I can catch up." I wanted to accept, I really did. However, the uneasy feeling I had started to overwhelm me and I couldn't understand why. I remembered what Mikasa said about help and decided to say yes. I waited as he ran and told the others. I couldn't get over the look Bertolt gave Reiner. I narrowed my eyes as I realized that something was telling me not to trust Bertolt. Why was I unable to trust him? All he wanted to do was help me. Why was I feeling this way? Reiner started walking back toward me and I realized what I felt before.

I was suspicious.

I was thrown back to another time. I was in a house, small but homey. I was sitting at a table with my mother. She was reading a book and I looked up and saw a man walk through the doorway behind her. I couldn't see his face, the sun pouring in through the window was harsh and it kept me from really seeing him.

"Martha," The man said. My mother turned and looked up at him.

"Oh, hello Zeke." My mother smiled up at him. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"It's been moved up. We have to start moving now. We don't have a lot of time." My mother jumped up and grabbed his shoulders.

"It's happening? Now?" He merely nodded and she got a sparkling look in her eye. "I'll go get ready. Rayne!" My mother turned to me as she grabbed my shoulders. "We are going to be okay, me, you and Dad will be just fine!" She hugged me quickly and left to start packing. I looked up at the man called Zeke and was able to finally see his face as the sun dipped behind a cloud. He had round glasses and long blonde hair. He looked down and smiled at me, extreme feelings of suspicion and mistrust taking over me.

That wasn't the last time I would see that face.

"Hey!" Reiner's loud voice startled me and I was pulled from the memory. "Are you alright?" I looked over at Bertolt one last time but he was turned away from me.

"Yea, I'm fine." I turned back toward camp and readjusted my handkerchief. "Let's go." I started walking and Reiner caught up to walk next to me.

"I'm really sorry about what happened to you." I kept my eyes forward.

"It's alright." I wanted to look up at him, to see his golden eyes, but I couldn't. For some reason, I felt like I couldn't trust Reiner, but why couldn't I? Wasn't he on my side?

"Rayne," Shivers went up my spine. I finally looked up at him and met his eyes. "I was just wondering if you would like to sit together after training?" I stopped in my tracks. My head was buzzing. I was starting to feel something grow for this boy. But there was a part of me, a very small part that was gnawing at me, that was giving me the same feeling I got when I looked at the man named Zeke. I couldn't let any sort of personal feelings cloud my judgement. I only trusted a few people and until I was proven otherwise, Bertolt and Reiner will not be on that list.

However, that didn't mean I had to be a snob.

"Yea," I said, trying not to sound overly excited but not bored either. "That be great," I walked up the porch steps, leaving Reiner at the bottom.

"Alright, I'll meet you here after training." Before I could say anything he turned and walked back toward the trees. I watched until he got to the tree line and he looked over his shoulder at me and smiled.

I saw the man, Zeke again. He, in no way, looked anything like Reiner, but the look in his eyes seemed to say something. Trust me.

"Well, Rayne. Let's go. It's about time we made you a warrior." Zeke placed his hands on my shoulders and before I knew it I was being pulled away from the gallows, my mother's body still softly swaying in the breeze. "You are sure to become a great asset to Marley."

I ran into the barracks and found Mikasa waiting for me on my bunk. I didn't give her a chance to lecture me on where I had been, I had to tell her what the hell just happened.


	5. #5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> False Hope in Real Life

I woke up much earlier than I usually do. I could still hear the sounds of everyone's breathing. I looked over at Bertolt and wasn't surprised at the weird position he was laid out in. I turned away and faced the wall wondering about what the hell I was doing. What was the real reason for asking Rayne to sit with me after training? I kept thinking back to what Bertolt told me after everyone was asleep.

~"What exactly are you doing, Reiner?" He whispered to me, his body pressing me up against the wall very uncomfortably.

"What are you doing?" I hissed back. "Get the fuck out of my bed."

"No!" He elbowed me hard in the back and I growled and started to swing at him. He grabbed my wrist and pinned me to the bed. I couldn't struggle hard enough without waking up everyone. "We are backing off this lead. This girl doesn't know anything. Besides if she does, I don't think you should be the one to get the information." I yanked my wrist out of his grip.

"What are you talking about? Do you not trust me to get what we need?"

"I don't trust your feelings on this Reiner. You're getting a little too close to her. I bet you had no intention of drilling her for information after training tomorrow, did you?" I turned back around and faced the wall once more.

"That's what I thought. You can't keep this up with her, Reiner. You will not be meeting her tomorrow and if you two talk it will only be training related." I didn't say anything and that got another elbow in my back. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," I answered through clenched teeth. I turned to face him and said in the deepest and lowest voice I could manage. "Now, get the fuck out of my bed." I felt my bed shift as he got out of it.~

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew I had a mission to do, I knew why I was here. But why was I being distracted like this? I was a loyal warrior. Something as small and insignificant as this weird girl shouldn't be enough to veer me off my path. I looked back over at Bertolt. His position was shifted into something even weirder than the last. I laid in bed, thinking that I probably couldn't even get Rayne to tell me anything if I tried. I could see the way she acts around me, shy and trying to hide the blush that rises in her cheeks. But it stops there. She doesn't make a huge effort to seek me out or even drag out my company. In fact, she tries to severe our interactions as fast as she can, as if she doesn't trust me. What made me think she would talk to me?

I kept focusing on the weird feeling I was getting in my chest. I felt torn, part of me wanted to talk to her, but not about her past, just her. The other part of me, saw her as nothing more than a person. A fellow Cadet in which I was training with. Maybe Bertolt was right. I was getting too close, my personal feelings were clouding my judgement. I laid in bed and waited for the bell to sound, telling us it was time to wake up. I sat up and looked over at Bertolt. He was still laying in bed but his eyes were open and on me. I knew what they were saying, Stay on course. I nodded to him and began dressing into my uniform.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Eren passed his training. He had a little trouble earlier due to a broken belt clasp but once they switched his belt out he was able to keep his balance. I couldn't help glancing over at Rayne who cheered loudly for her friend.

It was time to actually work the ODM gear in the forests. The commandant gave us instructions on the different things to do and he let out into the trees. Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Rayne all took off together. I went with Bertolt and we flew through the trees. I couldn't help but to look for Rayne every chance I got. When I would see her, she actually looked beautiful to me. The way the sun made her brown hair glow, the look of absolute joy on her face. I was so distracted by her that I ran into a tree. The commandant was too far ahead to see it, but Bertolt, who was right behind, did. I shook it off and pretended I didn't see him as I started maneuvering through the trees again.

Once we got back to the edge of the training field and the ODM gear had been put away, we were dismissed. I went straight to the barracks, ignoring everyone on my way there. I changed out of my uniform quickly and dressed in my normal clothes even quicker. I didn't want to have to talk to Bertolt again, to feel his eyes judging me. As I was exiting the barracks, I saw Rayne enter hers with Mikasa. I turned and headed toward the mess hall.

xxxxxxxxx

I couldn't contain my excitement over the ODM training. I enjoyed the feeling of flying and the way my stomach lurched as I fell to the bone-breaking ground, only to be saved by the wires of my gear. However, as much as I liked it, I couldn't shake the thought from my head at how familiar that feeling was to me. I laid out on my bed, still in my uniform, grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, Mikasa! Isn't it exciting? We are going to be first class soldiers!" Mikasa looked down at me, not amused.

"Rayne, have you thought about what you're going to tell Reiner?" My grin left my face and I sat up. After I told Mikasa about what I saw yesterday, we decided that bit of information was best to be kept to ourselves until we met the right people we could trust. We even decided not to tell Armin and Eren. The fact there is possibly a country full of people outside the walls was just too big of a thing to tell anyone. Mikasa informed me that thinking like that here was a taboo, something that only heretics seemed to want to discuss and it got people killed.

So I had decided that I would tell Reiner that I couldn't sit with him. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I couldn't shake off the feeling I had about him. He and Bertolt both made me feel very uneasy and I couldn't ignore that. So, with my good mood gone, I sat up and changed. When I was finished, me and Mikasa walked out and ran into Armin and Eren.

"How cool was that training today?" Eren yelled out. I couldn't help but laugh. "I was just telling Armin about how we were going to shoot up the ranks in the Scouts!" The three of them started walking down the steps but I waited, looking around for Reiner.

"Rayne? What are you waiting for?" Armin asked as they stopped and looked at me.

"I was just looking for Reiner, he said he was going to wait for me."

"He took off before we even got to the barracks," Eren said. "He's probably already at the mess hall." My face fell at this but I quickly recovered.

"Oh, oh well." I hurried down the porch steps and caught up with my friends.

As we walked into the mess hall, I didn't bother looking for Reiner. I just walked and talked with everyone like normal. We sat at a table close to the door and talked amongst ourselves. It was all well and good, until Reiner was brought up.

"So, what all did you tell him last night?" I brought my cup to my lips and made eye contact with the wall.

"Tell who?" I asked. Eren gave me a look.

"Reiner you idiot. What did you two talk about after he walked you back? He didn't say much when he met back up with us." My face started getting red and I cleared my throat.

"Oh, we didn't talk about much. He wanted to sit with me after training."

"Then why aren't you sitting with him?" Armin asked.

"He must of changed his mind." I shrugged and took a bite out of my loaf of bread, making it seem like I wasn't bothered by it. "No big deal." I looked around at my friends and saw that they had gone back to their food. I used this time to sneak a peek at Reiner and saw he was looking right at me. I thought I would look away, but I didn't. I held his gaze and I looked deep into his eyes. The feeling I had was one I am certain I had never felt in either of my lives. I felt the heartbeat in my chest speed up and I almost dropped my cup. I felt my cheeks become feverish and I began hyperventilating. What the hell was I feeling?

I saw something. Something that was not like the cold and distant visions of my past. It seemed to be one of the future. It was bright and cheerful and somewhat peaceful.

~I was looking out along the huge expanse beyond the wall. My long hair was flying freely in the breeze. I turned to my right and saw Reiner walking toward me. He had on a Scout Regiment patch and he had a few wrinkles around his eyes. He also had a small beard growing in. I smiled at him and looked back out to the horizon. The feeling that was radiating from everything was hope.~

I closed my eyes, breaking eye contact and desperately fighting back tears. I had to regain control quickly, I didn't want to make another scene. I took a couple of deep breaths and opened my eyes. I didn't let that false hope change my mind. Reiner couldn't be trusted. I engaged in conversation with Mikasa and I told myself to not get distracted.

That is not the way of a warrior.


	6. #6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over a Year Ago

The year is 850. The Cadet Corps is in its second year of training and I have only talked to Reiner a handful of times. As much as I wanted to, I would not allow anyone to get in the way of my mission. I am going to graduate training and become a soldier in the Scout Regiment. Nothing as silly as personal feelings was going to keep me from reaching that goal.

I was walking with Mikasa to the edge of the forest next to the training field. The sky was dark and filled with the low rumbles of an incoming storm. The training had become even more arduous but with the constant running and sparring I was doing with Mikasa everyday, my body was more than prepared. The packs of gear we were to carry on our backs for our run felt as light as a feather to me. We were some of the first to arrive, standing closely to Commandant Sadies. He paced on his horse back and forth until all cadets were present. This was to be a week long excursion, to test how well we can adapt to whatever nature threw at us. I swept my bangs back behind my ear, irritated at how long my hair got. I decided I would cut it as soon as we set up camp. Once every cadet was present, we set out, running through the trees to our first marker. It was five miles to the small clearing that was marked on a map that every cadet had tucked into their gear. The commandant took off ahead and me and Mikasa were close behind. We had been working on a plan for this run since we learned of it. We were to alternate running and jogging, to make sure we didn't run out of oxygen too quickly.

As much as I enjoyed running, the repetitive motions made mind wandering non negotiable. I kept thinking to the one thing that was always plaguing my mind; that fucking Reiner Braun. Despite barely talking to him for months, I still thought about him. It took everything I had to not wave to him or let my gaze hover over him. Mikasa was the only one I could tell about this. She said it was because I cared about him. I thought about that quite a bit. Why did I care about him? I mean, I hardly knew him and something was telling me not to trust him. I hated being split about this whole situation. It was as if there were two of me, constantly clashing with each other about my feelings for him.

I ended up thinking too much and started lagging behind. I was brought back to my senses by the commandant. He was yelling at someone and I turned to see who it was. It was poor Armin. He had never been really good at the physical part of training, however I saw how at home we was in the classroom. He was always asking questions and trying to learn anything and everything he could. Once the commandant was away from him, someone came out of nowhere and grabbed his gear. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw it was Reiner. He looked up and I saw his eyes for the first time in a very long time. I broke the gaze and began sprinting. I flew past the commandant and past Mikasa but she kept up with me. I needed to get to the clearing as fast as possible.

/

When I finally stopped to breathe, I was a few yards away from the first marker. I decided to just walk the rest of the way. I was breathing heavily and the throbbing in my head seemed to block out all thought.

"Rayne, you realize what I'm going to say, right?" Mikasa said evenly as she walked next to me. I nodded. "You are letting all of this mess with your head. No one said you couldn't talk to Reiner, you were the one that put up that wall. If not talking to him is going to make you crazy why don't you just talk to him?" I looked up at the swollen clouds, rain a definite possibility.

"I don't trust him. I know you think I'm being paranoid but I can't ignore the feeling I get when I look at him." Mikasa narrowed her eyes at me.

"Which feeling?" I stopped walking and looked into her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Rayne. You have other feelings for Reiner, besides the mistrust. That's why this is so hard for you. You're conflicted about your feelings of mistrust and your feelings of lo-"

"I do not love him! I don't even like him! Don't bring that topic up again with me, do you understand?" I growled, feeling like I was some other person. Mikasa didn't say anything, she just walked away, heading into the clearing to set up her tent. My gaze followed her, instantly regretting my outburst to her. All she had ever done since we met was help me. I had no right to snap at her like that. I ran to where she was and gripped her hands in mine. I slightly bowed my head and made my apologies to her. She pulled me into a hug and I hugged her back.

"You know I love you, Rayne. You became my friend and sister all those years ago and I just hate to see you hurting like you've been this year." I rested my head on her shoulder and cried. Mikasa didn't say anything. She just held me. After a couple of minutes the rain started, I looked up and felt instantly relieved, like nothing in the world could hurt me.

"You know something?" Mikasa looked at me. "I think it used to rain a lot where I'm from." I said softly. I stood tall and looked up into the sky. I was suddenly hearing a tune in my head, sung in a soft voice that I was very familiar with, as I had heard it in my dreams. I started singing along with the voice in my head. "When will the rain stop? I've been cold for so long. Why did the rain choose me when I have no way to escape?" 

"Rayne, are you okay?" I looked back at Mikasa and smiled, tears and rain falling down my cheeks.

"Yes, I am now." I ran my fingers through my wet hair and remembered I was supposed to cut it. "Actually, I could use your help with something."

xxxxxxx

After he took his pack back from me, Armin ran ahead of almost everyone. But there was no way he or anyone else was going to catch up to Mikasa and Rayne. I watched as Rayne ran away from me, like she has been this whole past year. I had my orders from Bertolt, I couldn't talk to her about anything other than training, but who did she have orders from which kept her from talking to me? She could've sat with me, talked with me, acknowledged me even, but she never did. She was always two steps away from me in the opposite direction. The whole thing was making me an absolute wreck, which I kept hidden from everyone. I talked to the other guys in the barracks, we trained together, ate together, even talked for hours after meal times. However, that didn't fix the painful hole that had grown in Rayne's absence.

After an excruciating run, we finally made it to the clearing. The rain was falling and already there were two tents set up in a great location near the edge of the forest. I also saw Rayne and Mikasa sparring quite a ways from their tents. Rayne had cut her hair. It had been growing quickly this past year, when I last saw her it was passed her shoulders. When I saw her fighting, it was hanging just below her ears, dripping wet and without her usual handkerchief. My eyes widened at how she looked right then. Her and Mikasa were wearing nothing but their underclothes, grappling each other in the heavy rain. I swallowed the spit that was rising and slowly brought my hand to cover my mouth.

I have never seen anything quite so perfect. It was as if she were made of stone, her body just as cold and hard. Her movements were quick and clean, confidence and drive radiating off of her skin, along with the steam from the cold rain. As more cadets arrived and the commandant rode up they quickly covered themselves with their cloaks and walked toward the rest of us to hear our orders.

"Very well, Ackerman and Lee. You arrived quickly and wasted no time in preparing your camp site. I appreciate the sparring as well. Well done!" They simply nodded their heads, Rayne's gaze on the ground. "As for the rest of you, start setting up camp and report here afterwards! Dismissed!" Eren and Armin hurried to them, and they all began to walk toward the girls tents.

I walked toward the very end of the clearing and set my gear down. I tried despertly to shake this weird feeling I had, after seeing Rayne sparring with Mikasa like she was. I kept seeing her and the intense look on her face as she fought. It was now all I could think about. After all this time of struggling against how I felt, I was finally able to decide my next course of action. To hell with Bertolt's orders. I can talk to her as much as I want. Besides its been a year, I'm sure he's forgotten all about some stupid order and a dead end lead. I had to get her alone though, I didn't want to tell her about my feelings surrounded by strangers. So I was going to wait until the cover of darkness to seek her out.

/

Once we were finally able to get settled in for the night, I patiently awaited for the camp to fall silent. I was grateful that the rain had stopped. It rained a lot back home and I wasn't too fond of it. Once I was sure everyone went to bed, I exited my tent and quietly made my way to Rayne's. I began getting so nervous, my stomach was doing flips and my palms were sweating. I felt like I was about to be thrown into a battle, my body tense and my senses sharp. When I was standing in front of her tent, I was about to call her name when I saw that Mikasa walked out of the tent next to hers. It took everything I had to not run away.

"Reiner," she said softly. "What are you doing here?" I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.

"Uh, I was, uh, just looking for Rayne. I need to talk to her."

"She's asleep." She stated, before walking away from me. I looked down at the ground in defeat and started walking back toward my tent. "Give her a couple hours. She's restless so she's probably going to have another one of her nightmares. She's going to head out to a cliff we found earlier. It's a mile or so through the trees on the right side of the clearing, close to your tent. It's secluded. You won't be able to miss her." She said all this without turning around and I couldn't guess why. Why was she telling me this? I gave her a quick thanks and headed back toward my tent. All I had to do was wait for Rayne to walk pass my tent on her way to her destination. I also began wondering what could she possibly be having nightmares of?

xxxxxxx

Where am I? It's so dark and cold. I hear something, footsteps? 'Hello? Is someone there?' Why can't I move? Am-am I tied up? 'HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE!' There's a bright light, someone is standing in the doorway. They're coming. 

'Ah, I see you're awake my dear.' That voice it sounds so familiar. 

'Zeke? Is that you?' He's lighting torches. I can see. 

'Why yes it is. I have to say, how excited I am to be here. I had to cause quite a racket to be the one to do this. Your 'initiation' into the military.' 

'My what? No, my father, he didn't want that for me. You were supposed to get us out. You-you fucking bastard!' He's walking toward me, this man who I absolutely hate. He has something in his hand, it's glowing red. It's burning my skin! 'Aaauhhhh! Stop Zeke please!' He's not stopping, he's hurting me, burning me, why?! 

'You are going to have to learn, my dear, how a warrior is supposed to behave. I will teach you for as long as it takes for you to see what it means to be a warrior.' He's burning me again, the pain! 

'Please stop, Zeke! Please!' The burning has stopped, my breath is heavy. When will this end? 'Zeke?'

'Guess again.' That voice, it couldn't be. I'm crying, I know that voice. I know it so well. I have to look, I have to confirm that it isn't... 

It is. I'm looking right into Reiner's eyes, the gold in them glowing as hot as the metal in his hands. 

'No, please.' He's bringing the metal onto my skin again. 'No!'

I shot up, breathing heavy and my sheets sticking to my skin. 'A nightmare,' I thought. 'Just another fucking nightmare.' I take the time to catch my breath and I stand up, slowly walking toward the entrance of my tent. I open the flap and take a deep breath of the fresh forest air. I look toward the direction of my secret spot and without grabbing my cloak or putting on my boots, I start running. I ran past all the tents and I don't stop until I reach the cliff. I look out over the beautiful forest below me, full of life.

I started thinking back to that song I was singing earlier. I thought of the voice that sang it, the voice of my mother. I felt the tears start pooling in my eyes and I was just about to start singing when I heard a twig snap behind me. I quickly turned around and stood in a fighting stance, waiting for my company to make themselves known. A few seconds passed and I didn't hear or see anything. "Who's there?" I called out, my voice stern and steady.

"It's me." I almost passed out. Reiner came out from behind a tree and started walking toward me. I started hyperventilating and my head got swimmy. "Look, Rayne. I really need to talk to you." I turned away from him and looked back out at the forest.

"Okay, about what?" I asked, trying to sound cold.

"How about why the hell you wont speak to me?" His outburst scared me and I turned to face him, my eyes wide in shock. "I don't appreciate the fact that you hardly say two words to me. What's wrong with me? Is it something I did, or said? Please tell me!" I stood there, completely dumbfounded. I had no idea that my decision to not talk to Reiner had affected him like this. And yea, I may not have reached out to him, but he didn't bother trying to extend a hand to me either.

"What about you?" I asked with a suspicious look in my eyes. This seemed to affect him in a way I couldn't of known about. He got really angry.

"What do you mean, what about me?" I was getting angry now too.

"I mean, you didn't reach out to me either! You didn't try to come and talk to me about something other than the ODM gear or some special move I used! You haven't tried speaking to me for over a year!"

"Would you have said something to me if I had?! Would you have greeted me and made a place for me at your table if I had come up and talked to you?!" I pursed my lips and huffed, turning away from him once again. "That's what I thought! You don't want to talk to me, why?! I need to know why!" I balled up my fists and slammed them against his chest.

"It's because I don't trust you! I don't trust you and Bertolt because for some reason, I feel that you two are like me." I unclenched my fists and slowly placed my head on his chest. "I don't know who I'm supposed to be, but I feel like we are the same and I can't trust you for that. I can't trust you when I don't even trust myself." I started crying, bringing my hands to cover my face. I didn't look up at Reiner, I just turned and ran back for camp but before I could get to the tree line a strong hand gripped my wrist. Reiner pulled me back to him, took my face gently into his hands and he kissed me.

I didn't know what was happening. I felt like I was flying. It was an amazing sensation, almost similar to the ODM gear but much more free. I could feel Reiner holding onto me with his strong arms as if he was afraid I was going to run off again. A part of me was fighting and struggling to try to get me to punch him and run away. However, the other part seemed to be winning and I kept kissing Reiner.

When he broke the kiss, I looked into his eyes. They were hazy and far away and I felt the longer I kept looking into them, the more lost I would become. I had to get out of there. I had to.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I have to go."

"No, please." Reiner reached for me and I flinched back. I didn't look him in the eye I just turned and ran out of there, leaving beautiful Reiner and the memory of our kiss on the cliff under the light of the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to thank everyone that has read this story and I am so sorry if the kiss sucked, I'm trying to do something really complicated with this couple so please forgive me. I hope yall enjoy!


	7. #7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Mission Together

I stood there, speechless, watching as she ran into the trees with the feelings of her lips still on mine. I brought my hand to my chest to make sure my heart was still beating after what had happened. I can't believe I kissed her. I didn't mean to do it, it just happened. I just couldn't let her run from me again. Once I had her and I saw her looking up at me, with the moon on her face and tears in her eyes, I couldn't hold back any longer. I took her face in my hands, the face of an angel, and I slowly kissed her. I felt electrified by the sensation, similar to titan shifting but much more intimate. Her lips were almost as chapped as mine which was to be expected from our recent training but I wasn't bothered by that. The moment was all too perfect to be ruined by anything. That's what I thought anyway, until the kiss ended. I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but fear, mistrust and regret. Then she ran, she even flinched when I reached out for her. Why did she always have to run from me? Why did I feel the need to always chase her?

"Rayne Lee," I said to the trees. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. Once again, Bertolt ended up being right. He knew I was getting too close and this kiss just proved it. If he ever found out I did this, I'm not sure what he would do. That was something I didn't want to find out, but I wasn't going to keep doing like I had been this past year. I needed to have her in my life, even if it was just someone to talk to. I know she wouldn't be alright with that but what was she going to do? We were graduating soon and then I would be off to the Military Police to continue our mission in finding the Founding Titan.

She would have to put up with me for just a while longer. Then, I'll be gone forever.

/

The next day was even harder than I expected. We had to run once again to our second marker. I was pretty worn out due to my sleepless night and to make matters worse, Rayne never looked in my direction. I was relieved to hear that the second marker wasn't as far as the first so we would be able to reach it quickly. I also kicked myself for letting Bertolt notice that I was lagging behind.

"Reiner," He huffed as he ran next to me. "What's up with you today? You're really slacking off." I kept my face turned away. He would be able to see the tired look in my eyes. "You sure are different than the boy I used to run with all those years ago. The boy who used to talk about strength and honor and fighting for his country." I gritted my teeth to keep from saying something I would regret. "I guess a monster can be tamed by something as pathetic as a woman." Before I could turn and face him, he ran off ahead of me leaving me to ponder his words.

I felt an odd feeling in my chest. I knew he was right. Bertolt was always right about me. I was weak and I allowed myself to be strayed off course. I wouldn't allow something like last night to happen again. I looked up as I heard the commandant yelling. I couldn't see who it was to but he was telling them to not set up camp when they arrived at the second marker. 'Just fucking great!' I thought to myself. I needed to really just lay down and sleep.

When everyone finally arrived at the second marker, the commandant gave his orders about a special mission we were to undertake.

"For tonight, all cadets will head out into the woods and set up camp exactly five kilometers away from this spot! You each will have a partner and your partner will be someone who completes you as a cadet! For example, I will pair up someone who has poor teamwork skills with a cadet who excels when working with a team!" He's going to partner weakness with strength? What is that supposed to accomplish? "This training is to help cadets realize the areas in which they are flawed and could use work in, otherwise they are not fit to be soldiers! I will call out the names of the cadets!" He took out his notes and began looking over them. "Armin Arlert! Due to your obvious lack of physical strength, you will be paired with Mikasa Ackerman! Do you best to learn from her all that you can! Conny Springer! Sasha Braus! You two are good cadets but of course, can come off as exceptionally idiotic. I'm pairing you two with Jean Kirstein and Eren Jaeger!" I gave a smirk. Pairing hotheads with dimwits is a recipe for disaster. "Rayne Lee!" I looked up in surprise. What could she possibly have to work on? She was almost as perfect as Mikasa in everything! "You are an amazingly versatile soldier, exceeding my expectations of you in almost everything. However, you tend to be a little reclusive and you don't seem to trust some of your fellow cadets as well as others. So, I will pair you up with Reiner Braun, the cadet who is most respected by everyone." What? I didn't bother listening to the rest of the names. I kept thinking of what the fuck was going to happen. I was planning on staying away from Rayne only to find out that we would be executing a mission together. Yea, it's not a real mission but we're going to have to work together all the same. "Now! Meet up with your partners and proceed to your camp sites! We will meet back here at sunset tomorrow! Dismissed!" We gave a salute and everyone began to disperse. I looked up and saw Rayne, standing alone looking down at the floor.

I cleared my throat and started walking toward her.

"Reiner," She said softly as she looked up at me. I felt my heartbeat speed up. Those hazel eyes always seemed to make me weak. I ignored them and simply walked passed her.

"Let's go." I started walking into the woods and she was right on my tail, her footsteps quiet. I began thinking of the objective of this mission. I'm supposed to show Rayne how to trust her fellow cadets. How in the hell am I supposed to do that?

"You know this mission is crap, right?" She said from her new spot next to me. I glanced in her direction. "Just because I'm told to trust someone," She finally looked in my eyes. "Doesn't mean I will." I didn't answer her. I was one of those people. She didn't trust me and I was trying really hard not to care. "Tch, so I guess you're ignoring me. How mature of you."

"What the hell do you want from me?" I turned to face her. "I'm keeping my distance from you, so how about you just shut your mouth and do the same?" I attempted to turn back around but a strong grip stopped me. I looked down at where her hand was and glared at her. "Let go."

"No! Not until I get some answers from you!" I roughly yanked my arm out of her grasp, causing her to stumble a bit. She quickly regained her footing.

"What do you mean answers?"

"Why did you do that to me last night?" The anger I had suddenly vanished and I was left cold. But I played off the shift in my emotions.

"What are you talking about?" She made an angry noise and swung at me. Her fist collided with my cheek and she attempted to kick me but I was able to block it. I grabbed her ankle and attempted to pin her into a submission move, but she easily wiggled out of it. I reached for her again but she was too quick and I received a kick to my face. I recovered quickly, got into a squat position and lunged at her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She fell onto her back and before she could react, I quickly sat on her and pinned her arms down. Her legs were trapped underneath me, she wasn't going anywhere.

"Get off of me!" She hissed angrily between clenched teeth as she attempted to pull her wrists out of my grip. I held on tight, aware of the pain I was probably causing her but I'm sure she would do worse to me if given the chance.

"Not until you calm that attitude of yours." I said, trying not to take in her body underneath me. She turned away from me and I sighed, she wasn't going to let up unless I gave her what she wanted. "I don't know why I kissed you, alright." She looked up at me, looking at me like she never has before. "I didn't want you to run, I was tired of you running from me all year and I just couldn't watch you do it again." Her gaze lowered and she slowly began releasing herself from my pin. I didn't stop her. She offered me her hand and as much as I wanted to take it, I refused and stood on my own. She didn't seem to be surprised.

"We should get going, we still have quite a way to go." She began walking ahead of me and I followed her, trying to calm my heartbeat down yet again.

xxxxxxxxx

When we finally made camp, I went out in the forest to gather firewood while Reiner hunted. I quickly gathered all we needed and when I got back to camp I quickly made a fire. After a while I got tired of waiting and decided to go make sure Reiner didn't get mauled by a bear. I quietly made my way through the trees, careful not to step on any fallen branches. All of a sudden, I felt the whoosh of an arrow and small prick of pain on my cheek. I brought my hand up to my face and saw the blood on my fingertips. "Ouch," I said out loud. Reiner busted through the trees and when he saw me, the grin on his face dropped.

"Oh shit," He ran to me and roughly grabbed my shoulders. "What are you doing out here?! I thought you were back at camp?! Do you realize what could've happened if you had been just a little further down!?" I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He was shaking me and yelling and he only stopped when a drop of my blood landed on his hand.

"I'm fine. It was only a little scra-" I stopped abruptly when I heard something from behind me. I quickly turned around and listened again.

"What is it?"

"Shh!" I hissed. I quietly walked toward the direction Reiner shot in and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the huge wolf heading for the buck Reiner had shot. It growled at us again and took a step forward, attempting to scare off Reiner and me from the deer.

"Rayne, let's go. Let it have it." He grabbed my arm but I shook it off, receiving another growl in the process. I stepped forward again, oddly not frightened by this wolf. I had spilt blood for this deer, like hell I was going to give it up. The wolf snapped at the air in front of me but I kept going. "Rayne!" I extended my hand back to Reiner. "What?"

"Give me an arrow, dumbass!" I was in front of the deer now, making eye contact with the wolf. It continued growling at me. I felt the shaft of the arrow in my hand and I gripped it tight. I readied the arrow in my hand and I reached down to grab the carcass. The wolf, as I expected, lunged at me. I stabbed the arrow up just as the wolf came down. I felt the arrow sink into his flesh and the warmth of its blood and fur all over me. I didn't give the wolf time to recover. I stabbed it, over and over again until I was sure it was dead. I finally pushed its body off of me and sighed. I reached down and grabbed both of the carcasses. I walked over to Reiner and looked at his shocked face. I handed him the deer carcass as I lugged the wolf over my shoulder.

"Let's go," I said as I smiled up at him. "I'm getting pretty hungry." I walked past him and began to realize what I just did.

What the hell was that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I am so sorry about not posting sooner. I've been unable to get the story to flow like I want it and I think my creative juices are drying out. Please let me know what yall think of this and feel free to drop a comment!  
> ~XXXO


	8. #8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't Fight it Anymore

I could tell Reiner was still shocked by my little performance earlier. To tell the truth, so was I. I stared a huge wolf in the eyes and killed it. I killed it for food as if I were an animal too. I killed something without even thinking about it. I thought that something like that would bother me, but it didn't. What did that mean exactly?

Once Reiner and I made it back to camp, I threw the wolf down and turned to Reiner. He threw the deer down and sighed.

"Alright," He said as he took a step toward me. "What the hell happened back there?" I scoffed at him.

"What do you mean? I saved your kill. You still have yet to say thank you, by the way." He made a face at me and closed the distance between us quickly.

"You expect me to say thank you after almost killing yourself for nothing?!" He yelled, grabbing my shoulders in his large hands. "What kind of bullshit logic is that?!" I roughly hit his hands off and glared up at him.

"I saved the deer. I saved our food source. We need to eat, don't we? I took inititive and fought for what was ours. Isn't that what soldiers are supposed to do?"

"Not when it endangers your life!" I roughly grabbed his shirt in my fist and brought him down to my eye level.

"We are fucking soldiers, Reiner! We joined the Cadets, knowing that we would be on the verge of a violent death everyday! Well, us real soldiers, I mean." He narrowed his eyes at me and took my wrist in his hand in an attempt to get me to let go of his shirt. It didn't work.

"What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying I'm not a real soldier?"

"Anyone joining the Military Police shouldn't be considered soldiers. All they want to do is live in peace while others suffer and die everyday. You all are nothing but a bunch of cowards." I felt Reiner's punch before I saw it. The pain exploded on my face and I violently sprawled across the dirt. I quickly rose to my feet and took a defense stance, ready for Reiner's next attack.

"How dare you call me a coward! You have no idea what I have been through! You don't know what I've seen or what I've done! I am not a coward!" He lunged at me again and I was ready. I blocked his punch but he quickly retaliated with a kick to my legs. While I was dodging that, I wasn't able to see his arm reach for me. He grabbed my arm and twisted it. He had it pinned it behind my back. I cried out as I was thrown to the ground with his full weight on me. I struggled against his pin but quickly reached up to grab any part of him I could. His hair was short, but it was just long enough for me to pull it hard. He growled as his grip on me loosened and I wiggled free. I attempted to flee, to regain my stance, but he caught me, his hands gripping my waist and pulling on the lower hem of my jacket. I quickly turned on my back and started kicking at him. My boot collided with his nose and he fell back. I got on my feet once again and lunged at him, my arms wrapping around his chest and dropping him fully onto the ground. I acted fast. I sat on his chest and used my legs to wrap his arms and keep them close to his body. I then proceeded to dig my forearm against his throat, my face close to his.

I had him trapped. He was completely at my mercy. I looked him in the eye as his face got redder and redder. I hardly struggled against his arms at all, my core being as powerful as it was meant I was more than able to hold him in this position for a while. I grinned and rose up a little bit, keeping my forearm where it was.

"What's wrong, Reiner?" I taunted. "Giving up?" I noticed the gleam in his eye a little too late and before I could act, Reiner caught my head in between his massive thighs. The surprise of it caused me to lose the upper hand and I was pulled off. Reiner then turned, grabbing my arm in the process and locking me in another submission move. My head was caught and my arm was being pulled back. He also had my feet trapped by his other arm under his chest.

This time, I was the one at his mercy.

"Looks like I'm the one who has you trapped now." He huffed angrily. I continued to struggle against him but with every move I made, he pulled my arm harder. I used my other hand to try to break free but he would clench his thighs tighter around my head.

I realized I had no choice but to submit. He roughly let go and stood up, his breathing heavy. I sat up and looked at him. He walked away without looking at me. I watched him walk into the forest, not even bothering to clean the blood from his face. I stood up also and followed him into the forest. I was able to catch up to him and I called his name as I grabbed his arm.

His hand swung and I felt his knuckles crack against my cheek bone. There was an intense pain and a ringing in my ears as I leaned against a nearby tree. I brought my hand up to my cheek and looked into his eyes. They were radiating nothing but hate, as golden and fierce as the sun. I didn't get mad. I didn't look at him with disgust or anger. I straightened up, gave the forest time to stop spinning and I walked over to him. I stood in front of him and kept my head down, eyes on our boots.

"I'm sorry. I had no right saying those things to you. You're not a coward, Reiner. I am." I walked passed him and headed deeper into the forest. I didn't expect to see him for the rest of the night.

xxxxxxx

I don't know how long I stood there, looking down at the hand that I had struck Rayne with. I didn't mean to do it, I really didn't I was just so angry at her, I couldn't stop it. She doesn't know anything about me, what made her think I would be okay with her calling me a coward? She apologized afterward, after our fight, after I slapped her.

What did that make me if not a coward?

I turned around and ran in the direction she went. I ran all the way to the small pond we walked passed before stopping to make camp. I saw her uniform and underclothes drying on a log under the sun. I looked for her before realizing that she was naked. She was facing away from me, splashing water up into her hair. I saw on her back the extent of our fights. She was riddled with different bruises all different shades of a sickening purple. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and I walked toward the ponds shoreline.

"Rayne." She lowered her arms but kept her back to me. She turned her head slightly and I started walking into the pond, uniform and all. This caused her to tense a little but if she was nervous, she didn't show it. "Rayne, I'm so sorry." I extended my arm toward her and she didn't flinch. She allowed my hand to rest on her bare, wet shoulder.

"I'm sorry too." She whispered. She still wouldn't face me.

"Rayne, look at me, please." She turned to me and I couldn't stop from feeling ashamed. Her face was bruised and her eye was black. There was also a huge red spot which erupted on the eyeball, giving it a bleeding look. I took her face in my hands again and gently kissed the bruised side of her face, caressing the other side with my thumb. I turned away from her and started to leave when I felt her grip the back of my jacket.

"Why do you make me feel this way?" She asked in a soft whisper. I turned to her and before I could speak, she grabbed my shirt, pulled me down to her level again and kissed me. I was so shocked at what was happening I almost pulled away. But I began kissing her back in a way I never knew was possible. She wrapped her arms around my neck keeping me close to her. I started caressing the skin of her bruised back, gently so as not to cause her pain.

She pressed her body up against mine making me hyperaware of her bare breast pressing against me. I got lightheaded due to the lack of blood in my brain and I tried to focus on anything else but that. She broke the kiss and pressed her forehead against mine.

"I don't know what's happening Rayne." I sighed as I avoided looking at her. "I don't know why I feel like I hate you and yet,"

"Love you at the same time." She finished. I looked into her eyes, her gorgeous hazel eyes and this time I kissed her, not giving a damn about my mission or Bertolt or anything else in this miserable world. I felt like the one place I was supposed to be was here. But of course, it didn't last long. "Reiner," Rayne sighed as she pulled away from me. I knew what she was going to say and I didn't want to hear it. I placed my head on her chest, hyperaware once again but not caring about any of that. I only wanted to keep her close to me.

"Please don't say it." I begged. I gripped her tighter as she did the same.

"You know I have to. I can't get distracted. I can't let you in no matter how badly I want to." I brought my head to rest on her shoulder and I ran my fingers through her wet hair.

"Distracted from what?" She tensed up in my arms. I sighed and let her go, a heat rising in my cheeks. "You still don't trust me." I stated as I started to walk away.

"Reiner wait!" She gripped me around my waist and I was powerless to resist. "You'll hate me, you would hate me if you knew the truth about me." I turned back toward her and looked into her eyes once again.

"Let me be the judge of that." Tears started pooling in her eyes and she gripped my shirt in her delicate fists.

"I-I have no idea who I am! I just woke up on the day the titans breached the wall. No body knew who I was, I have no family no record of me entering the city and no memories of who I was before that day. All I know is that I need to find out who I am. That's why I can't get distracted. That's why," She looked up at me and placed a gentle hand on my cheek. "I can't let this happen."

"I can help you, if you'll let me." She sighed and laid her head against my chest. She wrapped her arms tight around me and I did the same.

"Okay." I couldn't believe what I heard.

"Do you really mean?" She nodded against my chest. "Rayne," I released a sigh of relief and almost crushed her against me.

"But, we have to work together to find the truth. If me, you, Eren, Mikasa and Armin all work together I'm sure we could figure this whole mystery out." My arms fell slack to my sides.

"Oh, right." I think I set myself up for that one. I was about to say something when I felt Rayne reach for my hand. She laced her fingers with mine and looked up into the sky.

"I don't know if I have to strength to keep fighting you, Reiner Braun." I shoved all sense of chivalry and modesty aside when I lifted Rayne out of the water. I held her close to me, her legs were wrapped around my waist and her eyes were on mine. I saw the blush of being fully exposed in front of me but I could care less about that right now. I held her to me, keeping her eyes on mine before kissing her again.

"Then stop fighting me." I whispered. I swallowed nervously and then she rested her head on my shoulder again.

"Fine," She sighed and I held her there in that water until the sun began setting over the mountains.


	9. #9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fighting to Stay in This Moment

I couldn't explain what was happening to me. I felt all the defenses I had been building up dissolved away at Reiner's touch. I felt as if I was fully awake and aware of everything around me. I could finally feel something that wasn't mistrust or hate. I wiggled in Reiner's arms and he put me down. I cupped some water in my hands and finally wiped the blood away from his face. It didn't look broken but he still flinched at the touch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, don't worry about it." He looked down at my cheek and ran a soft thumb over it. "I should be the one apologizing. I never meant to hit you like that." I shook my head and took his hands in mine.

"I deserved it." He tried to interrupt me but I kept talking. "I did. I had no right to say those things to you. I've been avoiding having to talk to you after all this time all because I was scared. I was scared of what would happen if someone else knew the truth about me." I looked up at Reiner, his golden eyes piercing me straight through to my soul.

"I don't care about any of that." He sighed, as he placed his forehead on mine. "Right now, all I care about is you." I felt as if my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I closed the gap between us and placed his lips on mine. It was as if the sensation of it would never grow old.

"We should get back to camp." I said as I broke the kiss and walked passed him. I made it to the shore line and looked behind me. Reiner was still in the water, looking up at the setting sun. I called out to him and he turned. The sun coming from behind him cast a glow and I could see us together. At least, for the meantime. I knew what we started couldn't possibly last, we were heading to different regiments, going down different paths. But I realized I had to start living for the present and not worry about what happened in the past or what will happen in the future. I turned back around and started dressing in my underclothes. I finally heard Reiner come out of the water and walk to me.

"I should wash my uniform properly before we head back tomorrow." He said as he walked oddly next to me on our way back to camp, his boots squishing with the water he let get in them.

"Yea, I'd hate for you to receive one of the commandants head butts for not keeping your uniform clean, especially with your busted nose." I smirked up at him and he gently pushed me with his elbow.

I grinned and felt something wash over me. It was an odd feeling, something that I definitely don't remember feeling before. I felt content with myself and with the man walking next to me. Maybe this was what it felt like to be at peace.

/

When we got back to camp, the small fire was nothing more than a pile of ash. I kicked myself for leaving it unattended. Reiner immediately started working on a new fire while I tended to the carcasses. I had learned a little bit of skinning kills from the Potato girl, Sasha, who was from a hunting village. I started on the wolf first. I made the cuts around its head, torso and around its limbs. I then proceeded to pull the skin off. It was way tougher than I thought. I stopped pulling when I saw that Reiner had a fire blazing. He then began to remove all his clothes until he was standing completely naked in front of the fire.

I began to feel a heat rise in my cheeks, I had never seen a man naked before. I swallowed the glob of spit in my mouth and kept working on the wolf, lifting my eyes to steal glimpses of him every now and then. I finally was able to pull the wolf's hide off and grinned at a funny idea I got. Despite already having washed myself, I put the wolf pelt over my body and called out to Reiner.

"Reiner, check it out." He turned to me and I gave a mock howl into the air. He laughed loudly at my joke and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. I placed the hide on the ground and then started to gut the animal. It was a pretty messy process that I really should've done before I went to clean myself the first time. I then began sharpening my sticks for the spit.

"What about the deer?" I heard Reiner asked.

"I thought we could bring it back with us tomorrow. I'm sure everyone would appreciate some meat." He scowled at my idea.

"One deer isn't going to be enough for everyone." He pointed out as he picked up a stick to nurse the firewood.

"Well," I looked down at the wolf. "We wont be able to eat a whole wolf ourselves. Maybe we could eat a little bit and bring the rest back?" I stopped to admire the pointy stick then began cutting a leg from the wolf. Maybe this would be enough for both me and Reiner. Or maybe not, he is a big man. I looked back up at him and saw he was staring at me. "What?" I asked.

"Why are you wanting to do that?" I gave him a confused look.

"Why? Because we're soldiers Reiner. We should take care of each other." I realized I wasn't too hungry and decided the leg would be enough for the both of us. It was a pretty big leg. I then stuck the stick through the leg and placed it over the fire. I sat next to Reiner and began watching the flames dance.

We sat in silence for a while, until Reiner said something that I had only thought myself.

"Rayne, what we're doing, you know it can't last right?" I nodded. "It's not that I don't want it to, it's just.." He didn't finish. He just turned away.

"I understand. I really do. And it's okay. I'm fine with being with you just until graduation. Just as long as I got to be with you." I placed my hand on his shoulder and he turned to me. I smiled at him and he smiled back. "Come on. Let's eat and go wash up before bed."

"Yea," He started checking the wolf leg. I watched him closely and I felt something stirring in me. I was falling for him. After all this time fighting and clashing over my feelings, it turned out I really did want to be with him. Even if it's not forever, being with him like this for the time we have left is all I think I would ever need.

xxxxxxx

What the hell was I doing? What was I thinking, getting something like this started with her? I mean, it's something I've only ever dreamed about happening. Walking with Rayne next to me, she's talking and smiling. It's a part of her I have never seen before. When her skin comes into contact with mine, it's electrifying. Like how her hand is touching my arm as we make our way back to the pond to wash. I never should've started this but I don't regret doing it. What will everyone say when we make it back to base and they find out we're a couple? What would Bertolt do?

"Hey, it's alright if I tell Mikasa about all this right?" She asked as we reached the shoreline.

"Mikasa?" I questioned.

"Yea, I mean as it turns out, she was right about me and how I felt about you. I won't tell anyone else though, just her." Relief suddenly washed over me.

"So, you didn't want to parade it around back at the barracks?" Her face was one of total shock.

"Oh no, I mean, I'm sorry if you wanted to. I just figured we weren't going to be together long, no need in bringing up something like this when people's minds are on something much more important." Her selflessness never ceased to amaze me. She talked about the welfare of others and put their needs ahead of her own, just like with the meat.

"Yea, that's fine with me." I said. I smiled down at her and proceeded to head into the water. She stayed on the shore line to wash the clothes. I had told her I would wash my own but she insisted, pushing me off into the water. Standing in the water reminded of home, hanging out on the shoreline at low tide, making huge piles of sand just to watch the waves come crashing in to sweep them all away. I smiled at the memory, then I looked back at Rayne, who was focusing on getting the stains out of our clothes. She has no memories, she had nothing to visit back on when she's lonely or sad. I was now beginning to understand what it must've been like for her all these years. Surrounded by strangers, having absolutely no idea of who you are or who your supposed to be.

A cloud moved and the moon's light began to shine down on everything, casting an eerie glow upon the world. I looked up at it and closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. I heard movement behind me and I turned to see that Rayne was in the water, washing the dry blood off her arms and chest. She attempted to reach a spot on her back, but flinched.

"Hey, Reiner?" She called out. I was already walking toward her. "I think my shoulder is messed up, could you make sure I have no dried blood on my back?" I swallowed nervously.

"Yea, sure." I answered evenly, trying not to focus too strongly about certain things. I never had a girlfriend or any sort of significant person back home, training started when we were really young and I was always so dedicated. When I get the feelings that Rayne brings out in me, I feel scared and a little ashamed. I know of sex, I just wasn't sure if it was the right time to bring it up with her. I didn't even know if she saw me the same way, if I gave her the same feelings of intimacy as she gave me. I decided not to worry about it, when the time comes I'm sure we'll both know. I brought some water up to Rayne's back and gently began to wipe away any grime I saw. It was hard to do at first since she was practically covered in bruises. "Our fights didn't do this to you, did they?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Probably, but they're not as bad as they look, I'm sure. I think I just bruise easily. When I spar with Mikasa, I'm purple for weeks." I gave a soft laugh. I saw Rayne look up at the moon, a look of calm on her face. "I love how the moon just drowns the world in an odd contrast. Colors which are muted during they day, seem to really stand out in the light of the moon. It's almost as if the day and night are one in the same, two halves of a whole, alike but intensely different." She looked up at me, the hazel in her eyes glowing and the moon's light being caught by the water droplets on her bare body was enchanting.

I couldn't help it. I leaned back down and kissed her. I felt her kiss me back and she wrapped her arms around me. The kiss grew deeper, needier as she pressed her body against mine. My body started reacting faster than my brain. I let my hands wander all over her back, though her hair. She did the same, hands set on exploring every inch of me. It got hot really quickly. I pulled Rayne out of the water and held her close to me. She bit my bottom lip gently and I let out soft moan. I couldn't form a single thought that didn't involve Rayne underneath me. I started kissing down her jaw bone, then her neck, back up behind her ear. She was shuddering in my arms and I couldn't stop thinking: how far are we willing to go?

I began to think about how you properly court a young woman. You take her out, you get to know her and you make her first time special. I stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes. Her pupils were dilated with need but also showed understanding. I kissed her lips softly and set her down back in the water. She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around my neck and held me. It was such a simple embrace but it shouted much more. I wrapped her arms around her as well, saving this picture of us.

We walked back to camp and left our wet clothes to dry out by the coals. I quickly threw on a pair of underpants and Rayne put on another set of her underclothes. She wanted to sleep in my tent with me and I didn't want her to sleep anywhere else. We laid down together, my arms wrapped around her with her hand in mine. I couldn't think of what would happen to me after graduation. I showed disloyalty to my homeland by just being with Rayne like this. I was straying off course but no one needed to know. I was happy, for the first time in a long time. I wasn't going to let anything ruin this for me. Because Rayne Lee wasn't just a girl to me anymore. She was becoming something so much more. I think this is what people called 'falling in love'


	10. #10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through Their Eyes

I woke up the next morning before dawn. Rayne was close to my chest, her arms tucked in. I have never seen her so peaceful. Her features were relaxed, her mouth wasn't turned down in a scowl and her forehead wasn't furrowed with worry. I smile at her. I was so glad she would never see me for what I really was. If I ever had to expose myself, it would be far away from her. I couldn't stand to think of what she'd say if she found out I was the Armored Titan. She started to stir in her sleep and I looked down at her. I was starting to worry she was having one of her nightmares.

Before we settled down for the night, I had asked her about it but she wouldn't tell me anything. I could understand that, some things are just too personal and I'd be a hypocrite if I started to go off on her about keeping secrets.

"Reiner," I heard her say. I looked back down at her but she was still asleep. I couldn't begin to understand why she would be saying my name in her sleep. Then it dawned on me, she was dreaming about me. I held her closer to me, taking in as much of her as I could. I couldn't hurt her, she finally had her guard down and I didn't want to be the reason that she had to build up walls again. I laid there with her, until the sky began to turn gray with the rising sun and her hazel eyes looked into mine.

/

Breaking down camp took a lot less time than I thought and before I knew it we were on our way back to base. Rayne seemed so much different today than yesterday. She was actually smiling and willing to talk to me about anything. I began to wonder if I was the cause. I had to be, maybe finally coming to terms with her feelings about me made her open up her world.

We got back to base and were of course the first ones to arrive. Rayne quickly ran to where the the commandant was standing and gave her salute. I knew she was explaining the situation of the wolf and deer and the commandant seemed to be impressed. Well, if he was he didn't show it. I also notice him pointing out the bruised side of her face. I wonder if I would be punished for striking a fellow cadet out of anger. When she came back to me, she seemed excited.

"The commandant commended us on thinking of our fellow cadets, he wasn't too pleased when I told him that I fought that wolf and got wounded in the process but he said it just goes to show what some cadets are capable of." I gave her a confused look.

"You didn't tell him," I felt my cheeks get red in embarrassment. "about our fight?" She gently ran a finger over my hand.

"No, the official story about my face is that I hit a tree when the wolf lunged. That's all anyone will know." I smiled at her and she smiled back, turning away. I threw down my gear and started to unload the carcasses to take them to the commandant. I watched her head to the far end of the small clearing to set up her tent. It was her idea to set up our tents on opposite sides so we could avoid unwanted attention. After a while, more cadets started to arrive and I notice Rayne walk up to Mikasa. I saw Mikasa cradle Rayne's face in her hands and start asking about the bruise. Rayne playfully shook her off and began to hug her and Armin. I couldn't help but grin at her and they way she started talking with her friends. She was a different person, and I think I was, too.

xxxxxx

I couldn't put my finger on it but something was different with Reiner. He talked to people with a light in his eyes. Until I found out what was going on, I couldn't trust him. He went into the woods with Rayne and when they came back they were both different, too different. Reiner's cheeks seemed to be slightly bruised, his nose a bit swollen and Rayne also had a huge bruise on her face.

I know what made that bruise. I didn't believe the whole wolf story. I've known Reiner long enough to know that he doesn't get angry easily but when he did, no one was safe. He slapped her. She made him mad, did something or said something and she paid for it.

So why was she still sneaking glances at him? Why would he grin at her when he thought no one was watching? I began to think about what this could mean. Either, they just came to friendly terms or something worse happened out there. My guess of course, was the latter.

Reiner is a damn fool. Is he so willing to let everything that we have been working so hard for just fall apart? Is he actually making friends with these devils?

"Hey, Bertolt." I looked down and saw Rayne. She was offering me a bowl of some stew. "Here you go," she smiled at me and I gave a smile back.

"Thank you. That was a really cool story about how you took out that wolf. And you got an injury to go with it." I pointed to her face and she just laughed.

"It's not so bad, luckily it was just this bruise and not something more serious." I flashed another fake smile and really looked at this girl.

Who the hell was she? How was she able to steer Reiner, one of Marley's most loyal soldiers, off his course? What was she playing at?

"Well, I better finish handing out soup to everyone. Don't hesitate to get seconds alright? There's plenty." She smiled as she turned away from me and as soon as I saw her back, my frown returned. I began to scan all the faces in my view for Reiner. As I suspected he was staring at her, smiling at how she was going around talking to everyone, almost like he was proud.

He saw me staring at him and his face fell. I gave him a look, one that I knew he understood perfectly.

Tonight I was going to get to the bottom of this.

I'm sure he would hate for some tragic accident to befall Rayne.

xxxxxx

That night everyone went to bed with a full belly and we had Rayne and Reiner to thank for it. Eren couldn't get enough of her wolf story, begging for every single detail. She was happy to oblige to Eren and anyone else who asked. She must've told the story over a hundred times. It was nice to see her smile like that. I had known Rayne since that fateful day in Shiganshina. Despite being like family to Eren, Armin and myself, she never fully let her guard down almost as if she was afraid we would turn our backs on her or worse, betray her triust.

I kept remembering back to after everyone had a bowl of soup and were gathered in groups to eat. Reiner and Rayne sat apart from each other, but they constantly flitted their eyes towards each other, checking on one another. While Rayne was busy telling Eren the story for the tenth time, I stood and walked to were Reiner was sitting by himself. He greeted me as I approached, scooting over a bit to make room for me to sit next to him.

I noticed a change in Reiner as well. He had always been well liked by all of us, but there was something different. Throughout our training, it seemed like Reiner was just going through the motions, even when it came to interacting with his fellow cadets. Now, he looked people in the eyes when he spoke to them, he started conversations and his laughs were genuine.

"I can't thank you enough, Reiner." I said when I sat down. "You don't know how happy it makes me to see Rayne finally living." He turned to me, but I kept watching Rayne. She was showing Eren, Connie, Marco and Daz how she stabbed the wolf when it lunged and how she ended up with the bruise on her face. "I've been trying to get through to her for years. I'm amazed at how quickly you were able to get her to open up." I turned my head and looked into his eyes. He didn't hide the blush in his cheeks and I saw in his face that the feelings Rayne had were not one sided.

Reiner cared about her, too.

"I care a lot about her." He said, turning away. "I just want her to be happy." I smiled and stood.

"Like I said, thank you."

/

After Rayne was finally able to get to bed, she came into my tent.

"Mikasa, you awake?" She asked, despite already being inside.

"Yes, are you alright? Is your face hurting you?" She brought her hand to cover her cheek.

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to tell you about what happened in the woods. With Reiner." I sat up. "We spent the whole first few hours together fighting. We argued and yelled, it was a nightmare. Then, something happened. I-I kissed him." My eyes widen slightly.

"You kissed him?" I asked, slightly surprised. I knew about the time Reiner kissed her, I practically set that up. But she had been so upset by it, she was shaking when I checked up on her. I had to console her most of the night, she couldn't sleep otherwise. The fact that she willingly kissed him, shocked me.

"I couldn't help it. Like always, you were right. I care about him, quite a bit actually." She looked down at her bare feet. She had scrapes and bruises all over her legs and arms, clearly the extent of her and Reiner's fighting. "I just wanted to know why he made me feel the way I do. He said he felt the same way. I decided that," She took a shaky breath and I saw tears falling. "I decided that it was pointless to walk through life full of anger and mistrust. If I'm to feel anything, I want to feel what it's like to love and trust and be with someone other than you and the guys." She wiped her face before continuing. "I'm going to start letting people in. Not just Reiner but Sasha, Connie, Bertolt, Marco, Christa and even Jean. Everyone who has ever tried to show me kindness, when I was too blinded by hatred to appreciate it." I smiled at her and took her into my arms, giving her a huge embrace.

"Rayne, I'm so happy for you, and Reiner. I can sense what's going on with you two and I think it's great. I know it won't be for too long but I think the important thing is that you two were able to be together at all. You've come so far and I'm so proud of you." She smiled at me again, the tears flowing from her eyes.

"Thank you," She started to stand and I returned to my bed. "Well, I'll let you get to bed. We still have a long week ahead of us." She left my tent and I laid down, hearing her talking to someone outside. "Sorry, Bertolt. I didn't see you there. Good night."

"Good night, Rayne." I heard him say. I closed my eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep.


	11. #11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Darkness Night Brings

I walked slowly away from Mikasa's tent. Rayne hadn't gotten to hers yet and I didn't want my stomping to Reiner's to be made public knowledge. Once I was the only one out in camp, I walked quickly to Reiner's tent. I opened the flap and saw him there, sleeping peacefully that smug bastard! I got down on the floor and punched him as hard as I could in the arm. He sprang up in a panic, swinging like a madman. I had expected this and easily dodged his swings. When he finally calmed downed and saw it was me, I punched him square in the jaw. He fell back on the mat and I quickly got on top of him and held him down. I took his wrists in my hands and pinned them near his head. He kept trying to get me off of him but he was unable to. I was stronger.

"Bertolt," Reiner harshly whispered. "What are you doing? Get off of me!" I squeezed his wrists tighter and stared right into his face.

"You fucking bastard." I said through clenched teeth. "You care about her? You have feelings for her?" I saw his eyes widen at my words and it took everything I had to not beat him to death. "Why, Reiner?" I whispered close to his face. "Why would you do this to us? How can you betray our home for some fucking bitch?" Reiner turned his face away from me and I noticed his body started shaking. I thought that he had started crying. It wasn't until I looked at his face, saw the huge twisted smile that was carved into it, did I realize that he was laughing.

"You fell for that act?" He asked without turning back to me. I was confused. Did he fake all that with Rayne? Was he still loyal to the mission?

"What are you talking about?" I asked. He finally looked me in the eyes.

"I'm sure you heard Rayne telling Mikasa about what happened in the woods. That's why you came barging in here like a lunatic, isn't it?" I let him up, he was still grinning, looking down at the floor. "I'm playing this girl, Bertolt. Like a game of chess, every move I make will only lead to my victory. I know you said she doesn't know anything, but she does. She has secrets that she's holding on to. I'm going to find out what they are." I looked at him more closely, trying to see if he was playing me, but his eyes shone like that of a warrior.

"So, why make friendly with the other cadets?" I asked, trying to understand his game plan.

"She may not tell me anything, but she would tell someone else. Her three best friends, right? If I can get everyone to trust me even more than they already do, that would just open up more roads to the truth." I let out a sigh of relief and started thinking that maybe I was underestimating Reiner. He was loyal to us and nothing would change that.

"Well, alright then. I was afraid I was going to have to eliminate your distraction." Reiner didn't show any emotion.

"I wouldn't care if you did. You're such a sneaky bastard, I'm sure whatever you did would just seem like a horrible accident. At least, let us get to graduation. If she hasn't given me anything, you're free to do what you want, how you want." I smirked at him and stood, making my way out. I turned back to him one more time.

"I never knew you could be so cold, Reiner. Making that girl fall in love with you just to use her." I exited his tent and started walking back to mine. Despite learning of the true reason behind Reiner's actions, I still decided that Rayne has to be taken out. Whether he wants to admit it or not, she had some kind of hold over Reiner. I was going to make sure to break that hold at all cost.

xxxxxx

What the fuck was I going to do? Bertolt, that fucking sneaky bastard, listened in on Rayne and heard what had happened. He knew that Rayne was something to me. I was glad I was able to convince him that I was just playing her, but if I know Bertolt, he always planned ahead and never took chances. Rayne was in danger, and it was all my fault.

I laid back down on my mat and started to think. I tried to see the good side to this, that I could sneak as many glances at Rayne as I want but the good couldn't outweigh the bad, which was that Bertolt was going to try to kill her, after graduation, regardless if I got anything from her. I started shaking and I couldn't stop. My head was starting to pound, like a hammer was trying to split it. I didn't know what to think anymore. I wanted to keep Rayne safe, but I had a job to do and that was to restore the Founding Titan to Marley.

How could I have gotten into this mess? What made me think that any of this was okay? What had I done?

I sprang up and ran out of the tent. I didn't know where I was going, I just ran into the woods. I ran until I got to a river. I knelt down and splashed water over my face. My body was still shaking and the pounding was worse. I gripped the sides of my head and clenched my teeth. I felt like I was being ripped in two, half of me wanted to keep Rayne close to me, to run away with her to a place no one would ever find us. The other half, wanted to see my mission through to the end and return back home, to get out of this god forsaken country. I started thinking about Rayne, how I felt so at peace with her, how she felt in my arms, how her lips felt on mine.

I was walking back to camp before I even realized it. I had to calm down, I had to get my thoughts in order. I found myself at Rayne's tent and went in. I saw her sleeping peacefully and without thinking I laid next to her and held her in my arms. The pounding didn't stop completely but it dulled and the only shakes that racked my body were from the cold.

How could I have done this to her, to me? Why did I have to fall in love?

xxxxxxxx

I woke up and felt cold and wet. It took me a while to realize I was wrapped in a pair of strong arms. I turned and saw Reiner, a look of turmoil on his face even while he slept. I started to move when I felt his grip get tighter.

"Rayne, please." He cried out. "Please don't hate me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He started thrashing about in his sleep and his skin felt hot. I was starting to worry that maybe he was getting sick. I forced my way out of his arms and began shaking him awake.

"Reiner! Hey, Reiner! Wake up, please!" He sprang up and I felt his strong hands wrap around my throat. I took a deep breath and calmly began stroking his arm, attempting to ease him out of his nightmare. When he finally saw it was me, his face fell and he let me go. I released a sigh and looked back up at him. I had never seen him look like this before. He seemed scared about something, his eyes wide, his forehead furrowed, his body shaking. "Reiner?" I reached out to him and he flinched when I softly touched his arm. I got closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. I laid my head on his back and held him close to me. It seemed to work, his body stopped shaking. "It's okay, you're okay. I'm okay. We are all okay." I held him closer to me and when he started crying, I didn't say anything. When he got up and left me without a word, I understood.

Sometimes the night messes with your head. It brings back things that you could only hope to forget. Night brings the nightmares. But I couldn't help but wonder, what was Reiner trying to forget? What was eating him up that badly? Why did I feel like I was losing him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Sorry if this last chapter was more like a filler. Also let me know what yall think about Bertolt's POV. It was a suggestion I got from an amazing reader and my brother as well and I'm really starting to like it because I was thinking it could add more depth to the story as opposed to just getting two different POVs. Like always let me know what yall think! Don't hesitate to drop a review and huge thanks to all the readers who favorited and followed this story! I love you all!


	12. #12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Give Oneself For Love

A/N: For optimal reading pleasure when Rayne and Reiner are alone, start listening to Guts Theme from Berserk. You will not be disappointed. Enjoy!

I laid there in my tent, thinking about what had happened just now. Reiner looked so scared and hurt and I couldn't help him. I kept thinking of what his nightmare was about and why he was so worried about me hating him. I couldn't figure it out. I brought my hand up to my throat, feeling the soreness from when Reiner had me in his hands. I knew it was going to bruise and as much as it scared me to think that the hands that have so gently touched me just the previous day were slowly trying to squeeze the life out of me, I couldn't bear to hold it against him. I can't count the number of times I started thrashing and lashing out in my sleep, Mikasa having to coax me and pull me from my nightmares.

I wanted to go look for him but I gave him his privacy. He was fighting something and I didn't want to get in the way. So I just laid there and waited until the sun started to rise. I got up and quickly began to put on my uniform. I exited my tent and stretched, breathing in the fresh air. I brought my hand up to my bruised cheek and winced. It hurt a lot more now than it did yesterday but I remembered that it was no one's fault but my own. Reiner would never have done that it I hadn't made him so mad.

I winced as my head began to pound. I started feeling something grow inside me. I couldn't figure out why and I was shocked when I realized it was anger that was rising up in me. Anger towards Reiner. He started that whole confrontation yesterday when he refused to say thanks for saving the deer and killing the wolf. Why was I still mad about that? Where was this anger coming from? I was starting to feel like a different person, the same person that yelled at Mikasa for implying the feelings I had towards Reiner, the same person that wanted to punch Reiner that first night he kissed me. This person felt so familiar and yet so unknown at the same time, yet I was sure that they were both me.

It is you. This is you, Rayne. Stop playing soldier, that is not who you are. No one here is your friend. You have no friends. All you have is the mission.

"Rayne?" I was so startled at the sound of someone calling my name that I instantly lashed out and swung my fist. Mikasa blocked effortlessly, her expression worried. I stared at her confused, because for a few seconds I didn't know who she was.

"M-Mikasa?" I asked, a sweat starting to form along my brow. I released my fists and let my arms relax at my sides. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." I looked down at the arm that she had used to block my attack with. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"No, I'm fine. What about you? I saw you standing here, you had a pained look on your face and you were muttering to yourself." I tried to remember something, anything, about before Mikasa showed up but it was hard. I remember hearing a voice talking, but it didn't sound like Mikasa. Was it me?

"I'm alright." I said, trying to calm my heartbeat down. "It was just a nightmare." I reached up and started pulling my hair up in my handkerchief. Mikasa grabbed the front of my shirt and lifted my chin. She must've found the bruises.

"Rayne." She said fiercely. "Who did this to you?!" She yelled, as people began to crowd around us, others emerging from their tents.

"Did what?" I asked, trying to play off that I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Your neck! Someone tried to strangle you!" I looked away from Mikasa, only for my eyes to fall on Reiner. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was taking in the scene with an unknown look.

"I did it," I took her arms in my hands and tried to get her to calm down. I lowered my voice to keep others from hearing. "I was fighting someone off in my nightmare. I woke up with my own hands around my throat. That's what happened." Mikasa's eyes softened and she pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, Rayne." I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling bad for lying to her. But I couldn't tell her or anyone the truth. I didn't want to risk Reiner getting severely punished for what happened, not to mention him being in my tent at that hour. I knew it was an accident but what if other's didn't see it that way? My eyes looked up and found his again. I don't know why but I glared at him. I stared him down as if he were my enemy, someone who shouldn't be trusted. I felt the anger start to rise up again but I just closed my eyes and released Mikasa.

I wasn't that person. I wasn't someone who was filled with hate and got upset over stupid little things. Reiner made me see that. He helped me see that I was better than the girl with no memory who looked at the world with nothing but mistrust. I know I can trust Reiner. I know that he is a good person. What I saw early this morning was just the night bringing back the terrors of what he saw happened when the walls were breached.

When my eyes found him again, I smiled.

He smiled back.

/

That day we were able to fly through the trees with our ODM gear, slaying artificial titans. I found out that I was very good at this. I was able to put all my hatred for the titans in my movements, cutting the nape exactly right to guarantee a kill. I grinned as I flew from target to target, hardly leaving anything for the other cadets to do. I made it back to the checkpoint and grinned widely to myself.

I couldn't wait to try it out on the real thing.

"Cadet Lee," I turned to see the commandant walking up to me. I gave a salute as he approached. "I want to commend you again on your bravery in the woods and also the improvement I have been seeing with your actions towards your peers. The mission with Cadet Braun seemed to have gone well and it's good to see that you have begun to trust your fellow cadets more. Also, I've heard talk going around, and all anyone can talk about is your encounter with the wolf. It seems that everyone has dubbed you Wolf Slayer Lee. It's not everyday we see a cadet so eager to lay their life down for the good of others. Usually, people come here with only regards to themselves or their families." I began to think if he was referring to those joining the Military Police. "I want you to know, and I don't do this often, but I sent out that pelt of the wolf you slayed to an acquaintance of mine who specializes in crafting articles of clothing out of animal pelts. When we get back to the training facility, you will have a new cloak. I have very high hopes for you, Cadet Lee. I think you have something special, and that is going to make you into a great soldier." I gave him another salute.

"Thank you so much, Commandant Sadies. I will not let you down. I will be as great a soldier as I can be." He simply nodded and turned away.

Warrior. Warrior. Warrior!

"No, stop it!" I harshly whispered, clutching my head again. The commandant stopped and turned back to me.

"Was there something else, Lee?" I looked up at him, I kept hearing that voice in my head.

"What does it mean to be a warrior?" He gave me a confused look and I started to realize what I said. "Soldier, I mean." He simply nodded to me.

"I'm sure you'll find out soon enough." He walked away from me again and I stood there, desperately fighting to keep that voice away.

xxxxxxx

The rest of the week was an absolute hell. I couldn't face Rayne, not after what I did, not after knowing of what Bertolt was planning to do. We made it back to the training facility and despite our minimal contact, Rayne seemed to continue to grow as a person. She talked to more people and smiled a lot. But I was able to tell something was off about her, when she was alone, she would clench her eyes tight, and talk to herself. I was afraid that if the commandant or anyone else noticed it, she would be deemed unfit for duty. She was able to keep people from noticing, her fits not lasting more than a few seconds.

On our first day back at the barracks, we started learning about hand to hand combat. We were to spar with a partner, not stopping until successfully disarming them.

I was paired up with Eren. He was quite skilled at combat, but his temper seemed to make him act without thinking, which sometimes got him into trouble. We were pretty evenly matched, I would take my losses same as him but I never hesitated to show him what he could've done differently to bring me down.

"Gah!" He exclaimed. "I almost had you that time." I helped him up and patted his back.

"You underestimate your opponent. It doesn't matter who you're fighting, you have to always be ready for anything because most of the time, that anything will end up happening." I looked up and saw Rayne. She and Mikasa were sparring, causing people to stop and watch when the commandant wasn't looking. I was beginning to get familiar with Rayne's fighting technique. She tried to use her size to her advantage, whether her opponent was bigger or smaller. She was quick and that worked for her, she also never hesitated to use her power, to trap her prey in a finishing move.

"Oh, they're at it again." Eren said. I was grateful he had assumed I was watching the girls spar and not one girl in particular. "Man, those are two girls I hope to never have to fight. Rayne and Mikasa are something else when they fight. It's like they disregard everything around them and focus on eliminating their opponent. It's pretty scary if you ask me." I didn't say anything. I have fought with Rayne and I was able to beat her, was it because she didn't see me as an actual threat? I began to dread the day I ever had to find out the true extent of her fighting power.

/

The week ended with our graduation. Over 200 cadets made it and I ranked second in the class. I couldn't contain my excitement. I was going to head to the Military Police, retrieve the Founding Titan and go back home. I looked over at the rest of the cadets who had graduated in the top ten. Rayne was not among us. I had heard that she had deliberately got barely passing scores in the classroom studies, because she had no desire to make it in the top ten. Once we were released and all gathered in the huge dining hall to celebrate, I looked for Rayne. She was standing with Mikasa, Armin and Eren. I turned away, looking down at the cup in my hand. I really needed to talk to her, but I was still worried about Bertolt, and if she would even talk to me. I was just about to stand, when I heard yelling. I looked over at where the noise was coming from and I saw Rayne with another cadet's shirt in her fist, Mikasa and Armin trying to pull her off. She was going on about how the Titan's were nothing but things that needed to be wiped off the face of the planet. And that anyone who already feared them without at least trying to fight, was nothing but a coward who never should've aspired to be a soldier in the first place.

She released the cadet's shirt and turned and walked away. Eren began giving his own speech but I didn't pay too much attention. I watched as Rayne walked away, pulling up the hood to her cloak. I had to talk to her, I had to tell her how sorry I was before Bertolt acted out his plan. When I noticed Eren, Armin and Mikasa start to follow after her, I hesitated. They would most likely be with Rayne and I didn't know if I was ready to show them how I felt about her.

I started following them before I even realized it. I don't care about what Bertolt's thinking or about what Armin and Eren will think. I needed to hold Rayne in my arms. I had to tell her how sorry I was about what happened the last time I saw her.

She was sitting on some steps, looking up at the sky with Armin, Mikasa and Eren. She had the hood to her wolf pelt cloak up and I called to her once I was at the top of the steps. Everyone turned to look at me but she turned last. When her eye's made contact with mine, the light of the lit torches glowing in them. the dark fur or her hood obstructing her face, made me remember an old rumor that I heard back in Marley.

~No, you're crazy, Marcel. There's only nine Titan Powers. Where the Hell did you get that there were ten?"

"I overheard Zeke talking about it. He has a lead on the missing link that will give us a tenth Titan power. Can you imagine it, Reiner? Those devils are going to cower in absolute fear when they get a look of it. I don't know what it looks like and even I'm shaking!"

"Well, what is it? What is the Titan Power?"~

Rayne's hazel eyes, glowing with the fire light, the black fur of the wolf against her skin. I couldn't stop the shaking when I heard those words in my head.

'They're calling it The Wolf Titan.'

"Reiner, I wanted to congratulate you on coming in second." Eren said as he stood and walked toward me. "That's really impressive." I looked at him and grinned, focusing on keeping my cool with everyone.

"If anything, we should be congratulating Mikasa for being number one." I said as Eren stood next to me. "You should head to the Military police with that rank."

"If Eren goes, so will I." She said. I saw Rayne stand up and she turned, pulling the hood off of her face. For a second, I felt my heart stop. She had a blank look when she looked at me. I didn't know how to react to that. She walked up the steps and before I could say anything, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt embarrassed at first. I looked over and saw Eren and Armin's face. They had a look of shock and confusion but Mikasa had a small smile. I felt Rayne press her head against my chest and her grip got tighter. I wrapped my arms around her as well.

"H-hey, you guys?" Eren started to say something but Mikasa just pulled him and Armin away.

"Let's go, they just need to talk about something." Mikasa said as they got farther away.

"What would they have to talk about that requires that?" Eren asked. I felt Rayne laugh and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Reiner," She looked up at me, I looked into her eyes, and I saw that they were filled with need. Her cheeks were flushed as she was pressing her body against mine. "Kiss me." She whispered. I lifted her up in my arms and brought her lips to mine. I felt an explosion of emotion, lots of them I couldn't explain. I kissed her with a passion that I had only thought was possible when fighting in battle. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I broke the kiss, looking into her eyes.

"Rayne," I sighed. "Tomorrow, I'm going to-" She placed a finger to my lips, cutting me off.

"I know, Reiner. I've been dreading this moment all week," I looked at her in surprise, could that have been the reason for her strange behavior? "You're going to be leaving me tomorrow." I turned away from her before answering.

"Yes." I replied. She made me face her again and I looked at her face, the lights of the torches casting us in an odd glow. "You knew this would happen, Rayne."

"I did." She kept her eyes on me. "I just," She got really red and she finally looked away from me. "I don't want you to leave without showing you how I feel about you." She looked back up at me and I saw in her eyes what she meant.

Did she really mean that? Was she really to offer up something that precious to a piece of shit like me?

"Rayne, what are you saying?" She kissed me again, her arms tight around me, her fist clenching the back of my shirt. She wrapped her legs tighter around me, her body flush against mine. She kissed me harder, biting my bottom lip. I hissed in either pleasure or pain. I didn't know for sure. But I was able to tell what Rayne wanted.

She wanted me, in the most intimate way.

"I want you to take me to your room, Reiner." I swallowed nervously. It wasn't that I didn't want Rayne, I had only thought about it a hundred times. Now that it was about to actually happen, I was scared, worried that I would do something wrong or hurt her. 'No,' I thought. 'You can't think like that. Just relax and let it happen.' I put her down and checked to make sure we were still alone, before grabbing her hand and pulling here through the gaps of the buildings to make sure no one would see us. We got the building I was staying in and we quickly ran in, running straight into my dark room. I looked over at the bed, the moon was trying to break through the clouds that were formed. Rayne walked past me and went to sit on the edge of the bed.

I walked over to her and she opened her legs to me, the fabric of her skirt hanging down between them. I got close to her, kissing her again. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around me again. I laid her down and stopped kissing her, looking down at her beautiful face. She smiled at me in a way I have never seen her smile at anyone. We got farther up on the bed and she sat up to remove her cloak. She didn't stop there. She removed her shirt also and I did the same. My hands were shaking at the sight of her, bathed in moonlight underneath me. Just as I had always imagined.

She started to take off her undershirt but I replaced her hands with mine, confidence coming from an unknown source. I felt the same heat began to rise in my groin, which I'm sure she felt, with me being so close to her. She shuddered underneath me and her hands moved to my pants. I pulled her skirt along with her undershorts down her slim legs. I almost climaxed right there. I had seen her naked before, but nothing like this. She got my pants down to my thighs, my undershorts doing a poor job of hiding the full blown erection I had. I leaned down to kiss her, my hands reaching up to remove her handkerchief and I began to run my fingers through her soft, short hair. She wrapped her legs tight around me, pulling me to her. She shuddered again as I began to rub against her through my undershorts.

"Reiner," she moaned, her voice full of lust. With shaking hands, I removed my last article of clothing. I was now fully exposed, my body pressed against hers. She placed her hands on my cheeks, rubbing her thumb against my jaw line. "Make love to me," She whispered.

"Okay, darling." I leaned down, kissing her again, before sliding into her. She cried out, and I stopped. "Are you okay?" She nodded.

"I'm fine. Please, Reiner." She begged and I slid deeper into her. She moaned this time, and I couldn't believe the feeling I had. I had never felt anything more pleasurable or desirable as making love. I pulled out slowly only to thrust back into her again. She moaned again, her eyes on me, lust and love visible in them. I kissed her lips again, moving slowly down the bruised side of her face, to her neck. I kissed a spot underneath her ear and let out another moan. "Oh, Reiner." I continued going into her, my speed increasing with every thrust. She had her legs around me, they were shuddering uncontrollably.

"Rayne," I moaned into her hair, I looked at her again and she had a look on her face which I could only describe as pure joy.

Suddenly, she pushed against me and I sat up, keeping my throbbing manhood deep inside her. She was in my lap, pushing herself onto me. I moaned out, my brain seeming to shut off for a few seconds. She continued to practically bounce slowly onto me, arching her back as she moaned out. "Reiner. Reiner. Reiner." I gripped her tightly to me, my face against her bare breast, which were covered in a thin sheen of sweat. I kissed her chest gently, looking up at her as she continued to take control over me.

I felt a growl rise up in my throat and I pushed her back down onto the bed. She gave me a wild grin and I raised her legs, resting them on my shoulders. I pressed my body close to hers, her knees almost touching her body. I used my hips to continue my assault on her, my thrusts coming faster and faster. She continued to moan and she ran her nails against my back, leaving deep scratches. I hissed in pleasure and leaned my forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes.

"Oh, god. Rayne." I moaned, starting to feel my climax approaching. I felt her shuddering underneath me, my name falling from her lips. She bucked her hips into mine, right as I felt my seed explode deep into her. I collapsed onto my bed next to her, breathing heavily. I looked over at her, her chest rising and falling, the moon shining beautifully through the window. She looked over at me, and smiled. I smiled back and kissed her softly.

"Reiner." She said softly. "Please don't leave me. I know you have your path and the last thing I wanted to do was get in the way of that, but..." She closed her eyes, tears falling from them. I propped myself up on my elbow and wiped her tears away softly with my thumb.

"But what Rayne? Tell me, please." She looked back up at me, with shining hazel eyes.

"I love you." I didn't expect to hear that from her, not in a million years. Rayne Lee loved me. I didn't think it was possible to love a monster.

"I love you too." I whispered, as I kissed her again. I held her close to me in my arms, tears escaping from my eyes as well. I couldn't leave now. I had to stay here with her.

I had no idea how this was going to go over with Bertolt and the mission but I didn't care about that. I was starting to think that maybe things could change, that maybe running away from all of this with Rayne wasn't such a far fetched idea.

All I knew was I couldn't leave. I had fallen hard in love and I didn't regret it one bit.


	13. #13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Taste of Revenge

I woke up before dawn. I looked over at the man that held me in his arms. I hadn't been this at peace in a very long time. I wasn't having to struggle to keep that voice away, I wasn't suffering with a pounding headache. I looked over at Reiner and smiled, his sleeping face relaxed, making him look his actual age as opposed to several years older.

I turned away from him and laid on my back, thinking about the dream I just had.

/

It was like I was flying, the flat land and trees just whizzing by me, but I realized I wasn't using any ODM gear and my feet were connecting with the ground.

I was running, running far away from the walls behind me, heading toward the light that shone bright on the horizon. I stopped when I saw a silhouette of the Armored Titan. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by titans. There was the Colossal Titan, a Female Titan, and another huge fur covered Titan. They were staring at me, watching me, as if expecting something from me. I wasn't afraid. It was weird that this felt familiar to me. They started walking away, back toward the walls that I was so despereately trying to escape. The Armored Titan stopped and turned toward me. I heard a voice in my head, a voice that I knew, that was so familiar.

'Rayne, you're reverting. It's to be expected. That is why we use such means to keep our little lamb from straying too far. You are far too important to us and we can't just let you lose sight of your mission. So, what we are going to be doing from here on out is giving our little lamb a dose of what we call, electroshock therapy. Don't give me that look, my dear. We are more than capable of keeping you alive, in the off chance that you try to give up.' I watched as the Armored Titan started shifting his gaze back and forth between me and the others. Another voice cut through my head.

'My daughter, have I ever told you, why I named you Rayne? On the day you were born, your mother held you in her arms, her eyes full of tears. You see, your mother and I, we knew certain things, things that I won't bother you with right now, but she held you so tightly, her tears falling from her eyes. I could never bear to see your mother cry, it always reminded me of the falling rain, the rain that your mother loves. So I told her, 'Martha dear, let me see her.' I took you into my arms, looked down at your soft squishy face. 'Martha, how does the name, Rayne sound?' Your mother stopped crying. She looked up at me and the tears no longer flowing. 'I know how much you love the rain and your tears just go to show how much you love her. So what do you think?' She started laughing at me, saying that I was the only one who could make a connection like that. I am so sorry, Rayne. Your mother and I, we only wanted to protect you.'

I looked back up and saw the other titans watching every single move me and the Armored Titan were making. I shifted my gaze in between the walls, the group of titans and the horizon. I started to feel a shift in my head and I saw an even brighter light begin to shine from behind the wall. I saw three faces and in those three faces I saw hope. Hope that nothing else in the world would be able to give me. I turned away from the horizon and ran past everything. I had to still believe in hope, and in those three faces, I saw all the hope I could ever need.

/

I sighed and looked up at Reiner, who was looking down at me with his golden eyes. I grinned and leaned up to kiss him. "Good morning." I said as I kissed him again.

"Morning." Reiner smiled and wrapped me tighter in his arms. "How did you sleep?" I stretched out, making sure I didn't accidently hit him in the face.

"I slept great." I leaned in close to him, and I noticed the smallest wince in his eyes. I leaned away and looked closely at him. "Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?" I leaned close to him again, more careful of where I touched and he didn't wince again. However, I noticed he held his breath. "Reiner." I huffed. "What is the matter?" He exhaled sharply, his breath brushing my breasts.

"I'm so sorry, Rayne." He tried to stifle a guilty smile. It didn't work. "I just didn't want to say anything to embarrass you." I was starting to get a little mad.

"Embarrass me about what?" He sat up in the bed, the sheets pooling in his lap. He turned away from me, trying so hard to keep from laughing. "Reiner Braun, I will seriously mess you up. Tell me what is so funny?"

"Okay, I'm sorry but," He turned back toward me, a guilty and pitiful look on his gorgeous face. "Your breath, it's smells pretty harsh in the morning." I felt my stomach drop as if it was tossed off Wall Rose. "I first noticed it, that night in the woods."

"Oh my god," I pulled the blanket over my head, and tried to will the ground to open up and swallow me. "Why didn't you say anything!" I softly yelled, not forgetting where we were.

"Rayne, I didn't want to make you feel bad." Reiner came into the blankets with me. He touched a hand to my red cheek. I huffed again, but couldn't help but smile at him. "I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" He asked playfully, dropping his lip in a very uncharacteristic pout.

"Eww, yes I forgive you! Now put that thing away." He flashed me a smile that made the small space under the blanket glow all the brighter. I smiled at this man and realized I had already spent too much time here, despite the sun not having yet broke the horizon. "I should get going. You're going to be leaving soon." The glow disappeared as Reiner left our little hide away. I followed suit and watched him as he sat away from me, on the far side of the bed.

"I-" He started to say something but he wouldn't finish. I crawled and sat next to him. "I don't want to go. I want to leave here. I want to run away," He turned to me, looking at me with his bright golden eyes. "With you." My mouth dropped in surprise. He was talking about abandoning his post, that was a quick way to an even quicker death. What the hell was he thinking?

"Reiner," I took his face in my hands. "You know we can't do that. We have our duty to fulfill. We're soldiers. We swore to give our hearts for the good of humanity." I took his hand in mine. "We shouldn't be thinking of useless dreams like that." I felt him tense next to me. "Reiner, I didn't mean-" He roughly pulled his hand away and he stood, moving around the room to gather my clothes. His face was contorted, a frown cut through his beautiful features. "Reiner, please stop." He finally had my clothes in a bundle in his arms. He threw them onto the bed. When he stood up straight, I saw how deep my words had cut. Tears were beginning to pool in his eyes. "Reiner," I whispered.

"Was that not enough?" He harshly whispered, gesturing to the bed. "Was what we did last night not enough to show you how much I love you? How I am willing to stay with you, even if it means abandoning my mis-" He suddenly stopped midsentence. The tears began to fall and he sat on the bed again, his whole body shaking. I didn't know what to do or even think. What was he willing to abandon? What was he talking about? After a minute or so, he sniffed and wiped his face. "You should get going. I have to pack." He didn't even look my way. I stood and went around the opposite side of the bed and began dressing. "What you said last night," I stopped what I was doing and looked up. He was staring at the floor. "What you said about not wanting me to leaving you? Did you even mean that?" I went and stood in front of him. He kept avoiding my eyes, focusing his attention everywhere else. I took his face in my hands again and forced him to look at me.

"Of course I did. But sweetheart, I didn't want to run away. We can't abandon our fellow soldiers and the fate of humanity to be devoured by these abominations. We need to fight for it and save humanity, not stopping until every titan is destroyed. That's what we need to do and I wanted to do it, with you by my side." He finally looked into my eyes. I put my forehead to his. "I do want to be with you forever, Reiner Braun. So please," I put my hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb in a small circle. "Stay here with me." He looked into my eyes and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. It was if all the light that was in them was extinguished, leaving nothing but the burned remains of his dream. He sighed and looked away, fixing the fallen strap on my undershirt. He gently pulled me down into a kiss. It was soft and sad.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I felt my heart begin to speed up and not in a good way. He stood and began to get dressed himself. "I didn't train all this time to risk my life on pointless expeditions. I made it to Rank Two so I could live in the interior and that is what I'm going to do." His voice got soft. "If you love me, you'll understand." I tried to hide the sadness and slight anger in my voice.

"If you love me, you would understand. Understand why I can't just run away. You realize that I'm technically a stranger, to you and everyone I care about? I have no memories of who I am, who I'm supposed to be. Don't you care about me enough to understand that?" My voice started to rise but I was able to keep my tears away. I walked to Reiner and stood behind him. "Reiner." I put my forehead against the cool skin of his back. "I love you so much. I really do." My tears finally escaped falling onto the floor. I turned away and walked back to the bed to continue to get dressed. Reiner didn't look my way once, he didn't even move. I walked toward the door and my hand lingered on the handle. Was this it? Was this the last image I would have of the man I loved, his back to me, head down? I lingered for a moment before turning the handle. "Goodbye, Reiner. Don't forget me, I won't ever forget you." I walked out of his room, not waiting to see if he looked up to watch me leave.

As soon as the door shut, I felt a tightness in my chest. My breath became labored and my tears wouldn't stop flowing. My legs started to shake and I collapsed onto the floor in front of his room. I had never felt something like this before, I felt so powerless. Powerless against the pain in my chest and the and the uncontrollable shakes that raked my body. I wrapped my arms tight around my body, stood on my still wobbly legs and ran. I ran to Mikasa, the only person I could confide in. I hadn't wanted our goodbye to be like this. It was supposed to be a bittersweet moment, full of kisses and warm embraces not coldness and nothing.

Reiner's proposition had thrown me off. Where did all the talk about running away come from?

When I finally got to Mikasa's room, she was already awake dressed in her full uniform. "Rayne, what's wrong?" She looked me over, my haggard appearance, my clothes in disarray, my face flush with emotion. "Did something happen with Reiner?" I felt my stomach clench at the mention of him.

"He's leaving." I whispered so softly I wasn't even sure if I said it out loud. I shakily walked over to her bed, my legs giving out as soon as I got to it. Mikasa sat next to me.

"Of course he is. You knew he was going to, Rayne." I shook my head.

"I know, I know he was, but last night," I started shaking again. "Last night, Reiner and I made love. It was the best moment of my life. This morning was almsot as good as last night until," I was cut short by a choking sob. Mikasa started running her hand up and down my back. "He started talking about running away. He wanted us to abandon our posts and be together someplace far away from here. When I told him that I couldn't, he got upset. I tried to tell him that I couldn't run away but I wanted him to stay with me, like I told him last night after..." I started crying again. How could a person go through so many emotions in just a short amount of time. I still felt like a complete piece of shit for just blowing off Reiner's dream but what about my dream? My dream to see the Colossal and Armored Titans destroyed and to find out the truth about my past, wasn't that just as important as his dream of desertion and abandonment? Was I seeing in a different way? Was it more than just abandonment but, hope? Hope of a life away from everything? I didn't know what to think about what Reiner had wanted. I was so confused and my pounding headache was coming back.

"Rayne, just let it all out." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"After we made love and we were holding each other, I told him that I didn't want him to leave me. I told him that I wanted us to fight together. I wanted us to be together. He got upset, I hurt him. I hurt him so bad, Mikasa." I started crying once again. "He said he didn't rank second just to waste his life going on expeditions outside of the wall. Our goodbye, was painful and not how I wanted to leave him. Mikasa?" I looked up into her gray eyes, eyes that shone with tears. "Why did this happen? Why am I feeling like such an ass?" I asked, Mikasa's arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders. I buried my face in my hands and couldn't help but weep. "I didn't want to lose him. Not like this."

"Rayne. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I really am. But it would be better for you if you would just not think too much on this. You're goodbye with Reiner, don't think of it like that. Just think about that one day, you will be able to see him again." I looked up at her and I knew she was right. There was no reason for me to be upset about this whole thing. I love Reiner but I knew this wasn't going to last, not with the different paths we were on. However, despite seeing the truth in Mikasa's words, my heart still ached. I wouldn't be getting over Reiner anytime soon.

/

I was standing along the top of Wall Rose, part of the Stationary Cannon Maintenance Team Four, along with Eren, Sasha, Mina, Thomas, Samuel and Connie. We were busy checking on the wall cannons and making sure they were all in tiptop shape. I could hear Connie, Eren and Thomas going on about something to the left of me, and Sasha, Mina and Samuel on the right. I had no desire to join in any of the conversations, my heart still felt heavy from this morning. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Reiner out in the huge crowd that had gathered when the Scout Regiment headed out on another expedition.

/

I was standing in the crowd, not watching humanity's strongest soldiers, but looking for one soldier in particular. He was nowhere in the crowd. I sighed and decided to look up at the Scouts. This was the group I was set on joining. I looked up and my eyes landed on the one everyone was calling Commander Erwin Smith. He had such a resolve to him that I couldn't help but admire. He seemed duty bound and the way his subordinates looked up to him was respectable. I watched them until the wall's gate closed behind them. The Scout Regiment was my path, the Military Police was Reiner's. I sighed and turned, watching Eren, Mikasa and Armin talking to an older man. It took me a while to realize it was the man that had saved them from the titan all those years ago.

I began to get an uneasy feeling. I started to feel like I was all alone, like I had no one.

You have no one, Rayne. I looked up. I was suddenly all alone in the courtyard. There wasn't a single person in sight. I couldn't feel scared or worried. All I could feel was anger and pain. Reiner left you. He didn't want to be with you. He was just using you for information about his own mission. No one loves you.

But my friends, they wouldn't hurt me, would they?

What friends? Do you really think they would still be your friends when they find out what you are? Why you came here? Where you're from? They would turn you in and you would be a failure to everyone back home and your power will be revoked. That's what you want isn't it? You never wanted to be this. You're reverting again. This needs to stop. Just you wait, Rayne Lee. You will remember what you were sent here to do. You will remember the mission.

"The mission?" I said out loud. I looked back around and saw that all the people had returned, some giving me funny looks. I swallowed hard and saw Eren walking up to me, smiling.

"Hey, Rayne!" He stopped in front of me and I smiled.

"Hey, Eren." I smiled nervously. He gave me an impatient look before knocking my head with his knuckles.

"Hello? Have you forgotten? We're supposed to report for Cannon Maintenance! Come on, everyone is waiting." He turned and beckoned me to follow him. I gave the crowd one last look around before following him, accepting the fact that this morning would be the last I would see of Reiner Braun.

/

"Rayne?" I looked up from my work and right into Eren's green eyes. "You okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine." I replied as I stood up. "I just," I didn't want to let too much slip. "I didn't get a chance to say bye to Reiner. That's all." Eren's face cracked a huge grin as he roughly patted my shoulder.

"Is that what has you all frowny?" He poked both of my cheeks and I slapped his hands away, giving him an annoyed look. He brought his hands up in defense, the grin still on his face. "I only mean, he's still here in Trost. The carriages that were heading out got delayed until noon for some slight repairs. Reiner is still here." I felt a wave of relief crash over me as I crushed Eren in a huge hug.

"Thank you, Eren! Thank you so much!" I started swinging Eren around, my heart suddenly pounding in joy. I released him and he gave me a confused look. The look soon turned into one of realization.

"Wait, Rayne. Are you and Reiner a couple?! How the hell do you expect to pull that off with him going to the interior and you leaving the walls?" I grinned at him again.

"Me and Reiner," I looked out over the district of Trost. "Are just very good friends." He grinned at me again and started walking away.

"Let's get back to work. I'll cover for you before lunch so you can send him off."

"Thank you, Eren." I started working on oiling the different gears of the cannon. I kept thinking about what had happened to me earlier. What that voice in my head was and why I was only barely starting to hear it. I sighed, as I reached up and adjusted my headband. I stood up to stretch when suddenly there was a flash of lightning. I turned and saw that I was face to face with the Collasall Titan. I looked into its eyes, years of bottled up anger threatening to explode out of every single one of my pores. I was just about to engage, when hot steam started to hiss right at us.

I was thrown of the wall, my skin tingling from the contact with the hot air. I quickly threw out one of my grappling wires and relaxed slightly as I felt it tighten. I was standing on the wall, my hate beginning to once again consume me. I looked around for Eren, knowing full well that if anyone could help me bring this monster down, it was him. I felt that anger grow even more when I saw that the wall had once again been kicked in. It was about to happen, I was finally going to get a chance to take out the Collosal and the Armored Titans.

I looked over at Eren and saw him attach his blades and begin giving orders. He was telling everyone to engage the Colossal Titan and kill it.

"Rayne!" Eren yelled out. "We need to attack together! It won't be able to take both of us out, not with how slow it moves!" We both looked up as we saw the remains of the mounted cannons begin to fall around us. I pulled back my wire to avoid the falling debris. I started flying up the wall, reaching the top and seeing the garish face of the Colossal Titan.

It was staring right at me. It suddenly reached its hand out to me and I shot passed it, maneuvering up its huge arm, ignoring the steam blowing up my jacket. I had to get to the nape at the same time as Eren. Our timing had to be perfect. I was caught off guard when I saw its other hand reach for me. It was after me!

"Rayne! Look out!" I had just barely missed getting caught when I heard Eren yell again. "Rayne, get back to the wall! Don't let it catch you!" I quickly shot out my wires to the wall and away from the abomination. Once I got to the wall, steam began to erupt all over once again. Then after the steam cleared, the Colossal Titan was gone.

"GOD DAMMIT!" I yelled out in anger as I punched the ground. I ran to the edge of the wall and looked down at the hole that was made. I thought I saw a slight bit of movement near the hole. I squinted my eyes to get a better look, when I heard someone calling us back. We were to report back to Trost, to start helping the citizens evacuate and keep them safe from the titan threat.

I hurriedly scaled down the wall, eager to finally get my revenge on these things.


	14. #14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Price of the Truth

Inside of HQ was all sorts of chaotic. People were scared shitless of the situation. I was starting to look down on them. They were weak and cowardly and unfit to be soldiers. I was standing next to Armin, Mikasa and Eren. Armin was a wreck, he was going on about how things were going to get bad just like five years ago. I refused to believe that. This time would be different. I had the power to eradicate the titans and I was going to use it.

I walked away to try to catch my breath. I was getting a huge headache and I grit my teeth to keep the pounding away. I looked up and saw Reiner standing quite away from me. He was standing next to Bertolt and I felt like my heart was just going to leap out of my chest as the sight of him. I started wishing that I had run away with him, but only for a second. It surprised me how quick my mood shifted. I looked over at Bertolt, who's eyes met mine. He had a weird look on his face that I couldn't place. Reiner finally looked in my direction, but I quickly turned away and headed back to where I was standing before. I didn't have time to feel. I only had time to kill. I couldn't help but wonder about Reiner. I was afraid for his safety, of course. But what good would feelings do us if we ended up dead? I looked back to where he was and sighed.

He was gone.

/

I was standing on the rooftops, quite a distance away from my squad. I wanted to be able to kill as many titans as fast as I could. I had been waiting five years for this day and nothing was going to stop me from avenging Carla and getting my revenge. As part as the second guard, we were to assist the vanguard when needed. I looked over to Armin and Eren. Mikasa was sent to the rear guard under special orders. Her being the elite soldier that she was, she was needed to assist the evacuation. I knew that there would be no civilian casualties with her in the rear guard. I saw Eren wave me over and I sighed, running and then shooting out my wire to the house that he and Armin were standing on.

"Rayne, why are you standing all the way over there?" Eren asked as I straightened my handkerchief.

"You're not planning on trying to go off on your own are you?" Armin asked. I felt the tips of my ears getting red and kept quiet. Eren sighed and pulled one of them, a sad look on his face.

"Ow! What the hell, Jaeger?" I yelled as I hit his hand away.

"Rayne, when you're feeling guilty about something your ears get red." He said, as he looked out over the district of Trost. I sighed and looked out over the district as well. "Listen, I want to tell you something." I looked at him and his eyes bore into mine. "I never thanked you, for what you tried to do for my mom." I felt tears beginning to sting in my eyes. "I was angry, hell I'm still angry, but I know that I will always have you with me, along with Armin and Mikasa, to avenge her." I pulled him into my arms, the tears starting to flow from my eyes.

"I'll always be here for you, brother." I clutched him tighter to me. I finally released him and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "Sorry," He gave me a small smile and I went back to where I was standing.

I was standing a few feet away, taking my hair out of my handkerchief before redoing it.

"Did you talk to Reiner before we left?" He asked, out of the blue. I looked down at my boots, as Armin looked at Eren in confusion.

"No." I stated. "I saw him, but I didn't talk to him."

I looked up at the sky and tried to get my emotions in control. Why hadn't I talked to him? What compelled me to walk away?

Remember.

I shook my head, my hands started shaking. I felt like I was losing myself.

Remember the mission, Rayne. Remember what you came here to do.

"No." I said out loud. "Stop it, please."

"Rayne?" I looked up and turned. Armin was giving me a concerned look and I swallowed a glob of spit. "Are you okay?" Suddenly, my vision started blurring, as if a fog was over my eyes. I tried to shake it off but when I looked at Armin again, he didn't look like himself.

Kill him. 

What? No.

Kill him, Rayne!

No stop it! He's my friend!

You have no friends! You only have the mission! Kill that devil spawn, Rayne! Kill him!

"Hey! Squad 34! The vanguard needs you! Get ready to fulfill your duty!" One of the Garrison's soldiers yelled and began to take off across the rooftops.

"Let's go, Rayne!" Eren called to me, but I could barely see him.

Yes, Rayne. Let's go. Kill them. Kill them all. I growled, shook the voice out of my head and followed Eren and the others. We flew past the houses, our goal was to take the titans out that had managed to wipe out the vanguard. When I saw them, blood covering their mouths and chests, I felt my rage growing again. I shot off ahead of the group, right past an Abnormal and met the titans head on. I could hear the yells of my squad behind me but I didn't pay any attention. I saw my first target and I shot my wire into the flesh of the titans shoulder. I shot through the air and using my blades, I carved out the nape of the titan.

Stop.

I used my maneuvering device to get to my next target. I killed the second titan, almost as easily as the first.

Stop it, Rayne! This isn't why you are here. These aren't your targets. Don't forget the mission! I attempted to shake the voice out of my head before heading toward another titan. I SAID STOP!

I screamed as an ear shattering ringing filled my ears. I crashed into a wall and fell to the floor. I looked up and realized that I was surrounded by titans. I knew I needed to move but I couldn't be sure that the voice in my head would keep quiet. So I just stood and ran toward the first house I saw and threw the door open, quickly shutting it behind me. I felt my heart stop once I turned around.

Zeke was standing in front of me.

"No. This isn't real. You're not here."

"Rayne, my dear. What are you doing?" He was standing tall above me, the way I would see him in my memories.

"What do you want?" I yelled. "Why are you here?" He gave me a menacing grin and he grabbed the front of my shirt.

"To make you remember!" He threw me to the ground and I scurried into a corner. My breathing was heavy and I was utterly terrified. Zeke was looking down at me, his glasses catching the rays of sun that came through the window. "You will not fail this mission. You will succeed. You are my most powerful warrior, Rayne Lee. All you have to do, is remember!" He kicked me in the face. My head bucked back and I felt blood gushing down from my nose. He knelt down in front of me, grabbed my shirt in his hands again and he slapped me. Over and over his hand came down on my face. I tried to raise my hands to stop him but he pushed them aside easily.

"Stop! Stop it please!" I cried, my eyes and nose running, I tasted blood in my mouth. He stood up and pulled me to my feet and ripped my jacket off, shoving the rough fabric in my face.

"Did you think you could get away with playing soldier forever? Did you think you could escape Marley? You belong to us, you are a warrior for our country, not a solder for these devils." I started to remember one of the most vivid memories I had. My mother, greeting this man like an old friend, her body swaying in the wind, Zeke pulling me away from my entire life.

"It was your fault." I spat. "You betrayed my parents. You made me this way!" Zeke pushed me against the wall and walked to the opposite side of the room.

"No. All I did was awaken the power that was inside you. You see," He removed his glasses and wiped the lens on the fabric of his dark brown vest. "I thought your father had the power, so I befriended him. After a couple of years, I was starting to realize that he didn't have the power. That was when I started to look for a different path." He paused again and took a look down at me, a gleam in his eyes. I tried to merge into the wall, feeling like I was looking right at my own death. "When he came to me for help to try to get you out of the country, that was when I realized that he had known the whole time who had the power. My plan went into action that next day. I betrayed him and he was taken for questioning, torturing and of course he was eventually turned. Your mother, well," He smirked at me. "You know how that turned out." I growled and picked one of my blades up off the floor and ran at him. He caught me easily and had my hands pinned behind my back. He used his other hand to turn the blade to me. He held it to my throat, the grin on his face getting wider. "What are you going to do, my dear warrior? Kill me?" He moved the blade from my jugular to my collar bone. I felt as the blade opened my skin, the blood staining my blue shirt. I flinched at the pain and tried to pull away but he kept his grip on me.

"Zeke, let me go. Please!" I attempted to get away again but was unable to.

"Oh, no. You want to fight?" He pushed me hard against the wall. I felt my back collide and before I could even wince at the pain, Zeke was on me again, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head. "Fight. Fight me. Let me once again see the extent of your power." I struggled as hard as I could, my wrists starting to cramp.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I cried. "I have no power! Let me go!" He grabbed my throat in his other hand and began to squeeze. His face was so close to mine.

"You have a Titan power, Rayne! You are the hidden tenth power! How could you have forgotten that?!" He squeezed tighter and I gagged, my airway completely shut. He didn't let me breathe. I felt like I was about to pass out before he growled and roughly threw me down. I started gasping for breath, bringing my hand to my throat. "How did you get so weak? What the hell happened to you?" He looked down at me and gave me a condescending look. "You really don't remember anything, do you?"

"I can remember the ocean." I whispered. I had my head laying down on the cool floor, my tears still flowing. "I can remember the smell of the fish and sun on my face." I looked up at Zeke. "I remember you, you fucking bastard!" I shakily stood and leaned against the wall.

"Do you remember who your contacts are?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Contacts? What are you talking about?" He walked closer to me and I hunched my shoulders, terrified that he would hit me again. He ran a long finger down the bruised side of my face.

"Did you not meet up with the others? The Armored, Colossal, Jaw and Female Titans? Your true comrades? Your fellow countrymen?" My knees were shaking.

"What the hell are you talking about, Zeke? Are you saying that I was supposed to be a pawn in the attack on the wall? I was supposed to do what the Armored and Colossal titans did?" He grinned again.

"No, you were supposed to do so much more. You were supposed to fall into that small town, fangs bared and kill every single devil you saw." My heart started racing. I couldn't wrap my head around this information. I was sent to kill everyone in Shiganshina. I was just as bad as the Armored and Colossal Titans. I was an enemy of humanity.

"You're lying." I hissed through clenched teeth. "You messed with my head. How can I believe anything you say? You're nothing but a liar!" I swung at him, but all of a sudden he was gone. "Zeke?" I called out, scared to death that he would attack me unexpectedly. "Zeke, you fucking monster! Come out here! I'm right aren't I? This is all just some messed up dream! You're not real!" I collapsed on the ground, and pulled my knees to my chest. I was so afraid of what had happened. Was that what I was? Was I nothing more than a monster. I looked at the blade from where I dropped it. "I could just end it." I said out loud. "If I die, right here, right now, this pain and suffering will be over." I reached over and picked up the blade. I brought it to my arm and left a large cut across it. I didn't feel anything. So I cut again, and again, and again. My arms were covered in thin cuts and blood. I laid my head down and cried. I let out a loud wail of anguish before closing my eyes.

I wasn't sure how long I laid there. I opened my eyes and I saw the soft glow on the setting sun through the window. I looked down at my arms and winced. They were covered in cuts, not very deep just very long. I looked down at the floor and clenched my fists. "What's happening to me?" I cried. "Mom, help me please!" I closed my eyes and remembered my mother and the beautiful smile she had on her face. I refused to think about the other memory.

"Rayne." I heard a soft voice and I felt my stomach drop. I knew that voice. I knew who it belonged to. 'It's not real.' I told myself. 'She's not there. She can't be.' I turned around, my eyes wide. My mother was standing there, the noose still around her neck. "What have you done? What are you doing? Why can't you ever do anything right?" I fell to the floor and started hyperventilating. I couldn't hold out. My mind felt like it was going to rip into pieces. I didn't know what was right or what was wrong. I couldn't remember if I was a warrior or a soldier. I was losing who I thought I was.

"Mom, I-I'm so sorry." She got closer to me and knelt down. I tried to reach out to her, to touch her one more time. She flinched away from me and without warning, she slapped me hard. I felt as if I was shot with a bolt of lightning.

"DO WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO, RAYNE! YOUR FATHER AND I DIDN'T DIE FOR NOTHING! FIGHT FOR YOUR COUNTRY AND FOR YOUR PEOPLE! FULFILL YOUR MISSION!" I covered my ears and screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw.

I felt something in my head snap and everything I saw was red. When my vision cleared I could finally see my mission. I was supposed to retrieve the Founding Titan from one of the devils in this land. I needed to join the Military Police, to get close to the supposed 'king', to try to force his hand in revealing its location. I remembered what I was supposed to do.

"I remember now, Zeke." I turned around and saw him standing near the window, his hair shining in the light of the setting sun. "I remember my mission." I smiled and walked over to him. He held my face in his hands, looking down at me.

"I knew you would, my dear." He kissed my forehead. "Now tell me, who are you?" I stood tall, my hazel eyes on him.

"I am Rayne Lee, first and current holder of the Wolf Titan and a loyal warrior for Marley." He smiled at me and nodded his head.

"Yes. You are. Now, Rayne, fulfill your mission and bring honor to our homeland."

"Yes." I said, my voice low. "I will bring honor. I will make my country proud." I knelt down to retrieve the gear I was assigned for Titan killing and heard a voice coming from outside.

"I'm telling you, Marco. I heard someone in here. I think they need help." Another voice came through.

"Daz, be careful. This area is crawling with titans. Let's hurry and get them out of here." I saw the handle to the door I was standing in front of start to move. I grinned and held one of my blades in my hand, pointing it where I assumed their neck was. "Prepare yourselves you devils. Prepare to witness the wrath of Marley."

xxxxxxxx

Hours Earlier

Nobody knew where Rayne was. She hadn't evacuated with the rest of us and she was nowhere to be seen. I had to keep calm, I had to. I couldn't break my façade to Bertolt. I had no idea he was planning on using his Titan form as his way to get rid of her. He was looking really weird to me when we had all met up at HQ to prepare for the fight. He only told me that he used the Colossal to try to kill her but he said nothing more. He didn't have a chance to. Even after the onslaught of the titans we had no time to ourselves. We were waiting to see if Eren would be able to block the hole that Bertolt made.

I still couldn't believe Eren possessed the Fighting Titan power. Seeing him emerging from the nape of the titan's neck made me feel some sort of joy. It wasn't the Founding Titan but maybe we would be able to get away with bringing Eren back so we could finally leave this awful place. I also made a grim realization: I would be joining the Scouts after all. I would've been able to stay with Rayne, if only she wasn't dead.

She's not dead. She can't be.

I shook my head slightly, wondering what the hell that voice was just now. I paid it no mind and started focusing on a scene I saw taking place near me. I walked over and listened in.

"Daz, you have to be strong. I understand that you're scared but there is going to be a time when someone is depending on you to get them home alive. Do you really want to do this? Think really hard about what you're doing!" Marco started whispering and looked around to make sure no one was listening. I focused my gaze on the wall, but kept my ears trained on the conversation. "You're talking about leaving! That's punishable by death! Would you really be okay with abandoning your fellow soldiers to be devoured by the titans?" I didn't want to listen to anymore. That was starting to remind me too much of this morning.

I should've told her. I should've told her I wanted to stay with her. She would be in my arms right now if I had. 

I growled in annoyance at the weird voice I kept hearing. I sighed and was glad that we were finally going to be setting out to get this mission started. I was finally going to get some answers from Bertolt.

xxxxxxxx

I was glad that Daz took my words to heart. I only wanted him to succeed and I was quite relieved when he took my slight criticism a little more calmer than Jean. I smiled at the though of my good friend. We had survived this day and tomorrow we would be heading to the Military Police together. I looked over at Daz in the space next to me. We were flying through the district, trying to locate any survivors. So far, we hadn't found any.

"Marco." Daz called out. "Thank you. I think because of you, I can take my role of a soldier more seriously. I'm going to join the Garrison Regiment and dedicate myself to help build up our defenses against the Titans. All thanks to you." I flashed him a smile and nodded in his direction.

"That's great, Daz. Really." My smile dropped as I saw Daz with a weird look on his face. He stopped suddenly and I did as well. "Daz what are you doing?"

"I thought I heard something." Next thing I knew he was on the ground.

"Daz!" I called out as I reluctantly followed him. "Daz, there is no one here, come on."

"I'm telling you, Marco. I heard someone in here. I think they need help." I sighed and kept a look out.

"Daz, be careful. This area is crawling with titans. Let's hurry and get them out of here." He reached for the handle and as soon as he opened the door a saw a blade cut through his neck. The blade retreated back through the door and I could only watch as Daz fell to the ground, the light already gone from his eyes. I looked back up at the door, and my heart stopped.

I saw someone in there. They had a wild look on their dark face. Their hazel eyes seemed to be glowing with an odd intensity. The person slowly walked out of the door and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Rayne?" I asked shakily. I looked over at her then back at Daz's dead body. Why had she done that? Why was she running at me. I quickly sidestepped her attack, fear and survival controlling me. "Rayne, what are you doing? It's me, Marco! Rayne please!" She tried to stab at me with the blade but I was able to disarm her, an intense adrenaline rush coursing through my veins. She proceeded to attack me with her hands and before I knew it we were on the ground. She was trying to get her hands around my neck.

"You all are going to die." She said in a twisted voice. It didn't even sound like her. Not the Rayne I knew. "I will erase every trace of you devils from this island." I couldn't hold her off much longer, my arms were giving out. I began to think of a way out and when I saw it I acted quickly. I started moving my body toward the wall of a house. If I could get us close to one, I could probably hope to hit her head against it. Once we were flush against the wall, reached up my arm up to her head. It caught underneath her handkerchief but I was able to grab her short hair and I slammed her head against the wall. She fell on top of me and I quickly scrambled to my feet and took off as fast as I could.

I didn't look back when I heard her calling my name. I had to get somewhere to hide. She could come after me and finish the job. I just had to hide somewhere for a few moments.

xxxxxxx

"I still can't believe you did that." I told Bertolt, as I paced back and forth on top of a roof.

"God, Reiner. What the hell does it matter? We aren't here to make friends or wives of these people." I stopped in my tracks and turned toward him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He walked toward me, making himself taller so as to show his authority.

"That means Rayne is dead. The whole I knocked in the wall did its job. And so what if other people got killed in the process. We aren't here to care about whether these devils live or die. We only have the mission. As Titan shifters, we will see our mission through to the end. Do you understand me?" I was about to answer when we heard a noise from behind us. I turned and at first saw nothing. Then I noticed the toe of a boot behind the stone chimney. I quickly ran over and saw Marco hiding there with tears in his eyes.

"Marco!" I grabbed him and helped pulled him to his feet. "Are you okay?" Before he could answer, Bertolt came out of nowhere and pinned him down.

"Hey, what's going on? Stop please!" He cried out as Bertolt looked up at me.

"Reiner. Hold him down."

What? Why? That's Marco. He's our friend.

"Reiner! Get your ass down here and hold him down!" I blinked my eyes a few times and it took me a minute to realize that I hadn't said what I thought I said out loud. Bertolt didn't hear me asking for the reasoning behind what he was doing.

"Okay." I said softly. Bertolt was giving me a weird look but as soon as he saw that I was holding onto Marco tightly, he took off and began looking for something.

"Reiner, please." I looked down at Marco and saw his eyes full of tears. "Reiner, it wasn't me. I didn't do anything I swear. I-I didn't hear anything either." His gaze kept shifting nervously between me and Bertolt. "It was her, it was Rayne." I looked down at him.

Rayne.

"It was her. I swear she did it!" Marco's eyes looked wild and dilated with utter terror. "She killed Daz! She tried to kill me! She went crazy or something you have to believe me! It wasn't me, Reiner. Please!" He started sobbing and all I could think about what the hell he was talking about.

"What happened with Rayne?" I asked. "What do you mean she went crazy?" Marco took a couple deep breaths to try to calm down.

"Sh-she was waiting in a house, a few blocks down east. Daz opened the door and she cut his neck. She looked so crazy Reiner, her eyes. It was like they were glowing." He sniffed and took another deep breath before continuing. "After she killed Daz, she came after me but I was able to get away. She kept going on about how she was going to do something. It was something about devils. She said she was going to erase all of the devils from this island." My eyes grew wide. Why would Rayne be referring to people as devils? I looked back down at Marco and I saw something wrapped around his arm. It was Rayne's handkerchief. I reached for it and ripped it off his arm.

"Where did you get this?!" I yelled. He flinched underneath me.

"I grabbed a hold of it when I slammed her head into the wall to get away." He answered. Bertolt finally came back at the same time as Annie. "God, yes. Annie! Help me please." Annie looked around and turned away.

"No. I don't want any part in this." Bertolt grabbed her by her shoulders roughly.

"Annie! He knows too much! We can't keep him alive! The titans are on their way. Take his ODM gear now!" Annie walked over to us with tears in her eyes. I adjusted my position to allow her access to her gear.

"I'm sorry, Marco." Once she had the gear she ran, bumping Bertolt's shoulder roughly on her way. Bertolt didn't even flinch.

"Let's go." He said. I released Marco and ran away from him before using my gear to shoot to a couple houses down. By the time we got their, the Titans were already on Marco.

"NO! PLEASE! HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! IT WASN'T ME! IT WAS HER! IT WAS RAY-" I heard the sickening crunch and I clenched my eyes. I kept thinking about what had happened with Rayne. I looked down at the rag in my hand. I felt a click in my head as the realization dawn on me. All the things that Rayne told me were starting to come back to me.

'I woke up with no memory of where I'm from.'

'People said it was as if I fell from the sky.'

'I don't trust you and Bertolt because for some reason, I feel that you two are like me.'

'I don't know what who I'm supposed to be, but I feel like we are the same and I can't trust you for that.'

'We are the same.'

It was finally making sense. I finally knew who Rayne was.

Rayne, she's a warrior. She's a Titan shifter, like me Bertolt and Annie.

NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE! SHE'S NOT A WARRIOR AND NEITHER AM I! I'M A SOLDIER! WE'RE SOLDIERS!

I looked up from Rayne's handkerchief in my hands and my heart stopped at what I was seeing.

"Wh-what's going on? What happened? Why is Ma-Marco? Where is his gear? Wh-why is he being eaten?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so long. Let me know what yall think!


	15. #15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

It had been two days. Two days since I kicked the wall in. Two days since Eren used the power of the Fighting Titan to seal the hole. Two days and I still haven't figured out what happened to Reiner. He hasn't been acting right since the situation with Marco, since he realized that Rayne was a Titan Shifter.

I had heard the whole thing. I was standing on the opposite side of the chimney that Reiner had Marco pinned behind. I heard what Rayne had said and did. She was the secret weapon. She was the one that was only known as The Wolf Titan, the hidden tenth Titan power that we had only believed to be a rumor.

I couldn't help thinking about how close we had been to her this whole time. How we were forgotten to her, how our mission was lost within the dark depths of her mind. That was until now. What had happened that caused her to come back? What made her snap and kill Daz and attack Marco? I straightened up from my crouched position, faking grief as I was surrounded by the dead bodies of our comrades. I heard someone softly muttering 'sorry' under their breath. I turned and saw Annie. I was beginning to worry a bit about her too, she hadn't spent much time with us these past three years in training but when we did our training back in Marley she was almost as loyal as Reiner and one of the toughest warriors there was.

Yet, here she was apologizing over the death of devils. What was wrong with everyone?

"Annie." I saw Reiner walking towards us. "We can't help what happened to them. Apologizing won't bring them peace. The only thing that will is getting a proper burial. We can at least do that for them." I narrowed my eyes at him, not wanting to believe that Reiner really was a soldier now. He wasn't the same Reiner that I came into this land with. I looked down at one of the unidentified bodies, and quickly recognized him as Daz. He had a long cut along his neck. 'Did she use one of her blades to kill him?' I thought as I looked on the ground in the general area we were standing in. I looked over at the houses and thought that Rayne could be in one of them. We still had a massive amount of bodies to go through so there is still a chance that she did die. I suddenly started to feel bad. I unwittingly plotted to kill one of Marley's most important assets. If word of this ever got back to our superiors, I would have my power revoked for sure.

I picked a door at random and walked in. Sure enough, there on the floor, covered in blood and barely breathing was Rayne. It was time to get into character.

"Reiner! Reiner come quick!" He quickly looked up and ran to me. I walked into the house and he came in behind me. I watched as his eyes grew wide at the sight of her.

"Rayne!" Reiner ran to her and knelt down, scooping her up into his arms. He looked down at her and tried shaking her awake, her body flailing in his arms. "Rayne! Please, wake up! Wake up!"

"Reiner!" I called out to him. "Is she breathing?" He turned to look at me and the look on his face only deepened my fear. Tears were streaming down his face and his eyes were not the same as they were two days ago. He was gone. He looked back down at Rayne and lowered his head onto her chest. He got a look of absolute relief and he quickly stood up.

"She's alive. I can hear her heartbeat but just barely. I have to get her some help!" He ran past me and out the house. I quickly followed him. "Someone! Please! She's alive! Please!" Some of the Garrison's soldiers rushed to where Reiner and me were standing.

"Oh my God. What the hell happened to her?" I had noticed that Rayne was a complete mess. Her face was bruised and swollen, her nose was broken. She also had dried blood all over her arms which were also covered in long cuts.

"I'm not sure. I hadn't seen her in two days. I don't know." Reiner was a blubbering mess and it was making me sick to my stomach.

"Calm down, soldier. We'll take care of her. Get back to your group and finish surveying your grid." The Garrison soldier called some medics over with a stretcher.

"With all due respect, I think I should go with her." Reiner said as the medics began securing Rayne to the stretcher.

"Are you injured as well?" The Garrison soldier asked.

"No but,"

"No buts then, soldier. We still have quite a few grids to map out and a whole lot more bodies to recover and identify. I understand she is your friend but,"

"She is more than a friend!" Reiner suddenly yelled, taking the Garrison soldier's shirt in his fist. "She's a lot more than a friend to me." He said through clenched teeth. The Garrison soldier kept his cool and grabbed Reiner's wrist, a look of pity in his eyes.

"I understand how you feel but we still have a job to do. If she is important to you, think about what she would do if the situation was reversed?" Reiner slowly let go of the soldiers uniform and sighed. The medics carried her to a cart that lead to the infirmary that was set up near the base of the interior wall. He watched the cart until it was no longer in sight. He turned to me and I gave him a look that I knew he should be familiar with. When his eyes met mine, I wasn't met with the reaction I was used to.

"I know what you're going to say. And I know I shouldn't worry too much, but I can't help it Bertolt. I love her." He took a deep breath and walked past me. I slowly shut my eyes and tried not to lose my cool.

Reiner was gone. At least, the Reiner I knew. I only hope that when Rayne woke up she was still a warrior. Otherwise, I would have to do everything myself.

xxxxxxx

My eyes slowly began to open. I heard voices talking and I suddenly became scared and started lashing out, screaming at the top of my lungs.

"It wasn't my fault! It wasn't me!" I was being held down, that didn't make me feel any better as I started struggling even more.

"Cadet Lee! Calm down! We are here to help you! You mustn't move so much! We don't know the extent of your injuries!" I looked down at my arms and saw cuts all over them. My face felt like it had been rearranged and my head was killing me. What the hell had happened to me? I couldn't remember anything. The last thing I remember was walking way from HQ to meet up with our squads.

Everything after that was a total blank slate. What the fuck happened to me? I started hyperventilating and my mind went to only one thing.

"Reiner. Reiner Braun." I cried out, laying back down on the small cot. "Where is he? Can you please confirm for me that he's alive? I need to know that he's alive, please!" I looked into the eyes of one of the medics and they quickly started to reassure me.

"Okay, Cadet. We can find that out for you, so please just calm down and try to get some sleep." I looked up at top of the tent I was in and tried not to focus on the pain I was feeling all over. Why can't I remember what had happened? Was Reiner okay? I had to see him again. I had to tell him that I was so sorry about our fight. I didn't know what I was going to do anymore. Was I still willing to fight? Was my resolve breaking?

I must've dozed off because after a while I was awoken by shouts coming from outside the tent. "Can I see her? Please?" I heard his voice and sat back up. Looking toward the entrance of the medics tent, someone poked his head in.

"Cadet Lee, we found Cadet Braun." I saw Reiner bust in, followed by two medics. I couldn't help the feeling of pure joy I had in my heart or the huge grin that cut across my face.

"You're alive." I whispered. He looked down at me, his eyes full of tears as he slowly walked toward me. "You're okay." He sat next to me on my bed and pulled my body toward his in a huge embrace. I hissed in pain but I didn't mind it one bit. The medics however started voicing concerns.

"Cadet Braun! Please do not injure her anymore than she already is!" Reiner let go of me, but kept one of my hands in his.

"Rayne, I was so scared. No one told me anything, I had to wait all day for news. When I heard that you had asked for me I-" I quickly pulled him to me and kissed him. He kissed me back and the medics didn't say anything right away. I broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. "Are you okay? Please tell me that you're okay?" Was I okay? I looked back up at him and he looked down at my arms, gently rubbing his thumb across one of the cuts.

"We have diagnosed her with a form of PTSD. That explains the self harm and the memory loss. We think she was probably so traumatized by what she saw, it drove her to have a mental breakdown." I tried to really understand what was being said.

"What do you mean self harm?" I looked down at the cuts on my arms and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. "You're telling me that I-" I felt my stomach start to knot and I covered my mouth. Reiner turned me, his eyes filled with worry. I couldn't control my breathing. I was getting flashbacks. I was seeing soldiers through a weird red haze. I saw Daz fall to the ground, a huge cut on his face. I saw Marco, fighting against someone. I was seeing it as if I was the one he was fighting. Why? Why would I fight Marco. I watched as he reached for me, the look on his face was so scared like he didn't know what was happening. There was a flash as my head collided with something.

My eyes popped open and the medics where all around me. Reiner was gone, but I could still here him yelling. I couldn't make out what he was saying. The medics were holding my arms down for some reason. I looked down at saw that there was fresh blood on my hands and arms. I felt tense and I didn't want these people touching me.

"She's too unstable. We have to report her unfit for duty right way." The medics started restraining me and I started freaking out even more.

"No, stop please!" I started struggling hard and was fighting these people so hard to get away. "I can fight, I really can. I can still be a soldier. I want to join the Scouts, I need to join the Scouts, please don't mark me as unfit! Please!" I heard a commotion outside and Reiner busted in. His eyes grew wide at the sight of me tied down.

"What's going on? What are you doing?" Reiner tried to get close but some soldiers came in right behind him and pulled him back. The looks on their faces when they saw me made my stomach drop.

"I'm not unfit! I can fight! I'm not crazy! I'm not!" I started thrashing on the bed, pulling at the restraints. "Please! Reiner tell them, please! I can fight! I can fight!" I started crying so hard as I fell back onto the bed. I was not helping my situation acting like this. It couldn't end like this for me. I had to fight. I will fight.

"Rayne Lee, you are now officially relieved from duty pending further testing to assess the state of your mental fortitude. This is non negotiable." I clenched my eyes tight, not believing what the fuck I was hearing. I unclenched my fists and I tried to reach for Reiner. I felt his strong hand in mine and he knelt down, kissing my hand looking up at me with his golden eyes.

"What am I going to do, Reiner? What am I going to do if I can't fight?" Reiner stood and looked down at me. I wondered what he was thinking, seeing me like that, tied to a fucking bed like a crazy person. He smiled down at me and then he knelt down near my head and kissed me.

"You can be safe. You can stay safe for me and wait for your brave soldier to come home to you. That's what you can do." I grinned up at him, he looked like the happiest guy in the world. I was liking that idea. "You wait for me until you can fight again. You will be able to fight again."

"Yes," I said. "I can do that." He left after a little bit to go attend to some of the soldiers duties and I was left alone. I would be moving to the interior tomorrow to begin my mental assessments. I only hoped that I could fight again, otherwise I really had no idea what I was going to do.

I was starting to want Mikasa. I really needed her and I was hoping that her, Armin and Eren were all okay.

Because I sure as fuck was not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Please let me know what yall think please!


	16. #16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rayne Lee, The Wolf Titan

Two Months Later:

"Rayne Lee, you have been under the care of the Wall Rose Head of Medicine for a total of two months. After careful evaluation, we have to seriously recommend that you do not go into the Scout Regiment." I kept my cool. "However, your test results show that you are responding well to the treatment and we absolutely have no reason to keep you from joining. Congratulations, you are now cleared for duty." I kept a straight face and nodded. I had learned that if I get angry with these doctors and their inane questions, they scribble on their notepads and lock me in a room for a whole day. I told them what they wanted to hear, I said anything and everything and it got me out of this place. I was discharged from the Medical Center and was waiting for someone from the Scout Regiment to pick me up and take me to where they were currently stationed. Apparently, I was joining right as they were about to head out on a big expedition outside of the walls.

What great timing, I thought. I closed my eyes and exhaled sharply and began to think about what I remembered my second week in this place after I had decided to sleep for four days straight. I was a fucking Titan Shifter. That was who I was. Rayne Lee was the Wolf Titan. I came from Marley, along with Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Marcel and Zeke. I had a mission to take The Founding Titan back to the homeland. I was some secret weapon that only a handful of people knew about. I was a very important asset to Marley. I was thrown over the wall on a far side of the district by Zeke in his Titan form. Being one of the most rare and pure of the Titan Shifters, I had a few abilities that others didn't. I could access some of my abilities in human form such as the hardening ability. I turned my hands into razor sharp grappling hooks and used it to make my way down the other side of the wall, using inhuman speed to keep any unnecessary attention off of me. Once I landed I quickly ran through the town, ignoring angry yells and trying to make my way to what I assumed was the center. I ducked into a secluded alley and started cutting myself over and over, willing myself to shift. I couldn't do it, because somehow, I had started to remember that I didn't want this. I had never wanted this. My father, my mother, they knew what I was. They knew what that country would try to use me for and they tried to protect me. I remembered that they were murdered and my childhood stolen. So, I stopped what I was doing and felt like my head was going to split open. I started wandering the streets before finally passing out, my head colliding with the concrete just right to fully expel all those horrible memories from my mind.

I opened my eyes again and I knew this moment was actually bittersweet. I finally remembered who the hell I was. I was finally able to tell my friends, but I was afraid, I was supposed to be a pawn in the attack that had ruined their lives and had only caused my three closest friends grief. I thought about them alot while I was in here. I thought of Mikasa, how I always confided in her and how she never hesitated to call me on my bullshit. I thought of Armin, who had always had the right advise to give me. He would look for a situation to whatever problem was bothering me, no matter how small. I then thought of Eren. I remembered the last time we talked. He always gave me hope that these devils, no these people can fight and win. I felt a headache coming on and I sighed again. I began pacing in front of the stone building. Nerves were growing in my stomach because there was one little thing I didn't share with the doctors which I was surprised that they didn't catch. There are some times when I black out and I couldn't do anything about it. When I come to, I would have no idea what I had done or how much time had passed.

I grunted in impatience and began shifting my weight from one foot to the other, over and over again. I was wearing a worn pair of flats that the hospital gave me and I was annoyed by them. I missed my heavy boots. The weird off colored slacks and over shirt I was draped in was making me very uncomfortable. It was itchy and it wasn't helping my mood. "Fuck!" I cried out as I looked up at the sky and remembered something else that I knew was going to forever eat at me. I was in love with Reiner Braun, the Armored Titan. I knew what he was and what he did. I remembered hearing his and the others names before me and Zeke had headed toward the wall. I started thinking about before I got my memory back, looking back at how I had fallen for the brute. His looks caught my attention first of course, but I guess it also was his demeanor. He was calm yet conflicted at the same time. I couldn't help what happened after that, I was hooked. I was also starting to think that maybe a part of me always knew what he was. That could definitely be how I was able to fall so helplessly in love, because I was. I couldn't help it, I hated the fact that I was in love especially with none other than the most loyal warrior Marley had. There would be no way he would be okay with rebelling. Especially not with the tall asshole lurking around. Despite how awful and precarious my situation was, I still couldn't help but think about Reiner and the last time I saw him after Bertolt kicked the wall in and tried to kill me. I tried not to take it personally, I knew the situation he was in and he was just trying to make sure that no one interfered with the mission. I felt a wave of nausea come over me and quickly walked to the far end of the building, and I leaned over, my hands tightly gripping my knees. I threw up my breakfast in two heaves. Once that was over, I leaned my head back and groaned, my back against the stone building. I had hoped that this sickness would've left me by now, but after a couple weeks, I was still throwing up. I had kept it hidden from the doctors because there was no way I was staying in this hellhole any longer that I had to.

I walked back to the front of the building and looked down at my arms. The cuts I had made were just light pink scars now, but I only looked at them when I really needed to. These scars meant that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I was weak-minded and it allowed for me to break and kill one of our fellow cadets. Daz had never done anything wrong to me, he was always so quiet around me and he didn't deserve what happened. I thought of Marco. I knew there was no way he made it. He would've told someone what happened and I would've been in prison instead of a hospital. So I looked down at them and told myself that it was my fault that Marco and Daz were dead. I killed them. I clenched my fists and began to start to feel a plan, a solution growing in my head. Who made me this way? Who wanted to try to use me for their own fucking needs? Who took my whole life away? Zeke. I had to find him and when I did I was going to rip his fucking head off. I looked up at the sound of horses and I saw a tall, well built older man riding toward the Medical Center, leading a spare horse behind him. I stood up straight and squinted my eyes to get a better look at him and recognized him as none other than Commander Erwin Smith, the head of the Scout Regiment himself.

"Huh," I said to myself as I rolled my shoulders out. "Don't I feel fucking special. The big boss himself is riding up to escort me." I spat out the taste of vomit and said my final goodbye to my hellish home of two months. The Commander rode up and pulled back on his horse, stopping right in front of me.

"Rayne Lee?" He asked.

"The one and only," I flashed a large grin before giving him a straight look again. He raised one of his impressive eyebrows at me and I cleared my throat. "So, does the Commander always run his own errands?" I asked, giving a smirk, stretching out my limbs and starting to feel like my old self again. The Commander gave a smirk back.

"Only the very important ones." I gave a curt laugh.

"I guess I really am fucking special." I ignored the look he was giving me and made my way toward the horse. I was about to hop on it, when it started neighing at me and walking away. "Hey!" I yelled. I grabbed at the horse and was finally able to hop on, giving a very triumphant yell. Once I was secured upon the horse, the Commander turned his toward me and started going the way he came. I turned my horse and followed him. "So, where are we headed?" I asked.

"We have to get to the Karanes District." He didn't say anything else.

"Okay, what are we going to do there?" He wouldn't look at me, he just kept his eyes on the road ahead.

"We are heading out on the Scouts 57th expedition, which you now have a place in. We are heading to Karanes because since Eren sealed the hole in Trost, that is the quickest way out of the walls." I shook my head and started waving my hand.

"Whoa, back up a bit. What do you mean Eren sealed the wall? How did he do that?" The Commander turned toward me.

"He used the power of the Titans to seal the hole in the wall with a large boulder." He kept his eyes on me but I looked away. This was news to me, indeed. Eren, my brother, was a Titan Shifter too. I closed my eyes. What did this mean? Was his the Attack Titan power I had heard a little about? I didn't know the extent of the Marleyians and their government, I only knew what Zeke deemed to tell me in between torture sessions, but I was aware of the nine, ten including me, Titan Powers. One had been missing for a while from what I heard, but how did Eren get it? I shuddered at the memory of torture sessions. I remembered the burns, beatings and the extensive shock therapy that still haunted my dreams. I looked back up at Erwin and he squinted his eyes at me before turning away.

"What?" I asked, annoyed again, feeling my nausea coming back. He didn't reply. He just looked ahead and I did the same, trying to will away the vomit rising in my throat. I took a deep breath and focused on just keeping everything down. It didn't work and I had to stop my horse and leaned over its side to throw up. Commander Erwin stopped his horse and had it double back to me. It wasn't an easy passing like this morning. It was one of the bad ones. I heaved over and over until I had nothing left to give. The Commander watched me, a blank look on his face. When it finally was over, I was about to wipe my mouth on my shirt when the Commander handed me a small handkerchief. I used it to wipe my mouth and my hand went up to my short hair. I don't know exactly why I had cut it all off, I was always fond of my long hair. However, that didn't stop me from missing the old rag I had used to tie it up. "Thanks." I muttered. I was about to give it back when I realized I had just used it to clean vomit off of my face, so I kept it. Commander Erwin didn't seem to mind. I clenched it in my hand and we continued to ride fast and hard to our destination.

"Are you sure you're able to fight, Lee?" The Commander asked over the sound of hooves on the payment.

"Yes," I answered after making an irritated noise. "They wouldn't have let me out if that fucking shithole if I wasn't." I glared at the Commander and he glared right back.

"Watch yourself, Lee. You are now a soldier in my regiment. As your superior I expect a little more respect from you, do you understand?"

"I apologize sir." He looked back ahead, and I let my eyes linger on him. He looked like my dad. Or he would if he had black hair, green eyes and a moustache. I felt the same strength of my father in him when I looked back at him. It was comforting to me, almost as if he was still here and not gone from me forever. I looked away from the Commander and was a little unsure of what I was about to say. "Sir," I started, taking on an air of seriousness. "Why do you fight?" He looked back at me and I almost lost my shit. I saw in his eyes the same look my dad would have when he would be telling me about his dream of opening a fish stand right on the edge of the ocean. He had always loved the smell of the ocean and being able to live and work on it was something I remember he was always talking about. 'Just you watch, Ray." He would say from his place at the front of his small fishing boat. 'One day, we are going to be known all over as the greatest fishing duo that ever lived.' I remember asking him why a fishing stand. Why would he dream of such a weird and random thing? 'Because, it's what makes me happy. Fishing on this ocean, with you and your mother always cheering me on, it's like my own piece of heaven. You have to find something that makes you happy, Rayne, happier than anything else in the world. That is what life is all about.'

"I fight for humanity, Lee. I fight for taking back this land from the Titans." I swallowed hard and felt tears coming to my eyes. I looked straight ahead and focused on the ride.

"That's an honorable reason, Sir." I responded, tears falling down my cheeks. He looked over at me again.

"Damn, Lee, no need to get all emotional about it." I knew he was right, I shouldn't be crying so much but here I was, blubbering like a fucking idiot. I wiped my face again and sighed heavily, anxious to be in a uniform again, ready to face my friends and comrades, worrying about what the hell I was going to tell them. What would happen if I told them the truth? How would they react? I decided that I couldn't tell them, not yet. I had to think about a right time. I then suddenly remembered that I wouldn't be able to tell Reiner even if I had wanted to. He had joined the Military Police. He was safe and sound in the interior and I couldn't understand how that was making me feel. I should be happy that he was safe, but I remembered how we fought and how I had wished I had run away with him. Where would we be now if I had? Dead, most likely. We would've been labeled as deserters and the Military Police would've hunted us down and executed us for abandoning our posts. I felt a small sense of relief as I realized that also meant he would never learn about who I was. However, that just meant that they all would be trying to follow through with the mission. If Marley indeed got their dirty hands on the Founding Titan, nothing would stop them from invading with full force and wiping out this entire country. I had to tell someone, anyone about them and also me. What would happen if I did? Would they arrest me? Kill me? What about Reiner, Bertolt and Annie? Also, what of Marcel? Why haven't I seen him? Did he go a different route instead of joining the Cadets? I had so many questions and I had no idea how to go about getting answers. It was awful to keep such a secret from everyone, especially my friends. But I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. At least for now, it would only cause trouble to tell anyone.

Nothing more was said between me and the Commander. We rode for the rest of the journey in silence. I also hated the fact that I threw up three more times before we finally arrived.

/

When we got to the gate, we only had an hour before we were set to head out. I took this time to look for my friends. My stomach was so full of nerves, I felt dizzy. I tried to keep my hands from shaking but nothing was working. I asked the first person I saw where they were and they told me they were in the tent that was set up to act as a sort of office to discuss stratedgy and other plans. I was about to go look for them when I heard someone causing a commotion.

"Hey, you." I turned and saw a soldier with cold gray eyes walking toward me. "Why are you wearing that crap? Where is your uniform?" I narrowed my eyes at him. His attitude really pissed me off.

"I just got out of the hospital, you short piece of shit. How about instead of being an ass, you lead me to where I can get a proper uniform. Or is your intelligence as restricted as your height?" He got a deadly look on his face as he headed toward me. I grinned and rolled my shoulders out, getting into a fighting stance. "Let's go, big guy. I have been dying to connect my fists against something other than a wall." Before he got to me, the Commander came out nowhere and shouted at him.

"Levi!" The short guy stopped and turned his head toward the Commander. "I need you over here, now. Lee, find the supply tent to get your uniform! And if I see you disrespecting another superior officer I will personally kick you out of my command!" I looked over at him and sighed, relaxing my body, before giving a salute.

"Yes, sir!" I shouted. I looked back at Levi again and he was shooting daggers at me. I smirked and turned away, keeping an eye out for the supply tent. I finally found it and was so happy to see my uniform. I saw the Scout patch and I sighed, realizing that this meant something to the people here. Those wings meant, hope and freedom. The soldiers who were more than ready to give their lives to recover their land from the titans wore this patch with honor. Here I was, an outsider, a monster, about to wear the patch myself. I tried to push out those bad thoughts as I started undressing out of these fucking hospital clothes. After I was dressed in my full uniform, I felt so much better. I hated being in those clothes, they were just an awful reminder of my time in that fucking place, brooding and stewing in the messy situation I found myself in. When I exited the tent, I saw the three people I was looking for. They were quite a way from me, talking amongst themselves. I felt the tears start stinging my eyes. I felt so much love for them, maybe even more than I did before I had regained my memory. I loved these people, they didn't know who I was or anything but they still accepted me and took care of me. I started walking to them, my legs weak and shaking. I saw as Mikasa's eyes flitted up to me and then she did a double take, her eyes growing wide, her jaw dropping. I smiled at her and gave a small wave. Eren and Armin finally turned around and they had very similar reactions. I brought my hands to my face, tears freely flowing. There they were, my friends, my family.

"Rayne." I heard Armin say, tears cascading from his beautiful blue eyes. "Rayne!" He cried and started running toward me, Mikasa and Eren right behind him. I took off toward them as well, my legs strong. I couldn't believe it, I thought, There they were.

"Armin!" I yelled out. "Armin Artlert!" He opened up his arms and I collided into him. He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same, gripping on to him like he was going to disappear. Eren's and Mikasa's arms soon joined in and I was so full of love, I could burst. I had never felt this before. This was a feeling of togetherness and a love I never knew could exist. Mikasa took a hold of me, practically pulling me from Armin's arms. She took my face into her hands and looked at me, really looked at me. It always made me nervous when she did that. Her gray eyes piercing every part of me. It felt like she was looking into my very soul.

"You're here." She kept her hands on my face, even as I nodded, the tears running down. "You're here."

"Yes." I said, and she pulled me toward her, holding me against her chiseled body, her muscular arms damn near chopping me in half.

"Rayne, oh my God." She loosened the grip on me, but kept her hands on my arms. "What in heaven's name happened to you?" I wiped my face and looked up and saw Eren. He had the most straight face of them all, but as soon as I looked into his eyes, he walked toward me and dropped his head on my shoulder, his body shaking. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me.

"I'm okay, brother. I'm okay." I felt him nod and he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and cried. I had no idea that they would react like this. Their love for me, this confirmed it what I had already seemed to know. I had to tell them, I had to. "Everyone, listen. I have some news." I looked up and my eyes fell on him. He was walking with Bertolt and he turned to see what was going on since some people had already started to gather around us. When he saw me, he brought his hand up to him mouth and stopped dead in his tracks. I felt my heart speed up at just the sight of him. He did things to me that I didn't even fucking know was possible. He started making his way towards me and I slowly broke away from my friends to meet him. Once we were standing in front of each other, I looked up at him. I couldn't fucking believe that he was here, a Scout patch on his jacket. I had thought he was gone, far away from me.

Yet there he was, standing in front of me, almost like a blessing and curse all rolled into one. I opened my mouth to say something but Reiner reached for me and pulled me to him, crashing his lips onto mine. I melted at his touch. He had my body flush against him, with me standing of the very tips of my toes. I wrapped my arms around him, taking in every single thing I could about him, trying my best to preserve this moment. I broke the kiss and jumped into his arms, my head on his shoulder. I held him so tightly, I thought my arms would fall off. I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I had to protect him, I had to keep him safe from Bertolt, Zeke, Marley, everyone. I realized that I was weak for this man, and I didn't like being weak, even if I couldn't help it. So I had to eliminate the enemy, neutralize the threat to keep Reiner safe. I looked over at Bertolt. He was looking over at us, with a look I knew. He saw me looking and he smiled, trying to make it seem like he was worried for me and happy for his friend.

I wasn't falling for his bullshit anymore. I gave him a look I remember seeing him use on Reiner so many times before, aware now of what it meant. He instantly dropped his façade and gave me a look back. It was time to execute plan A. I was going to tell Bertolt that I knew, I knew everything and he was to not mention a word of it to Reiner, not before me anyways. Reiner released me and when my feet were back on the ground he took my face into his hands.

"Rayne, you're okay? You're okay?" He kept asking and I nodded over and over again.

"Yes, sweetheart. I'm fine." I placed my hand over his and gripped it tightly before bringing to my lips and kissing it. I got lost in his golden eyes, the sound of his voice, the feel of his touch. I grinned up at him, before turning away from him and throwing up in the dirt. Instead of jumping back, Reiner got closer to me, his hand on my back. Mikasa was the same, she knelt down next to me, seeming to not care about the puddle of puke right next to her. "Luckily for me, it was an easy passage this time and I didn't have to continue this disturbing show if front of everyone for long. When I stopped I straightened up and used the Commander's handkerchief to wipe my face again.

"Rayne, what's wrong?" I heard Mikasa and Reiner say in unison. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nothing," I said, waving them off. "It's just a stomach thing, I'll be fine." I cleared my throat and noticed an air of seriousness fall over everyone. I looked up at the Commander was walking towards along with Short Stack. We all gave a salute as the commander began to tell everyone the game plan. I was so lost, mostly because I had no idea what the Hell he was talking about and also because I felt eyes on me. I couldn't exactly check to see who it was but it made me uncomfortable all the same. I had just decided to let it go and continued to listen to the Commander's plan.

/

We were already deep into Titan territory. We had stopped for a little bit to give the horses reprieve. I stood next to my horse, keeping my eyes open for Bertolt. I knew he was close by, I had seen him riding not far from me before we stopped. Not many people were around me and Reiner was on the opposite side of the current formation so this was the perfect time to talk to Bertolt. I finally saw him. He was a few yards away from me, drinking some water. I ran up to him, I wasn't surprised by the reaction on his face when he saw me. I was now standing in front of him, my arms crossed.

"Hello Bertolt." I said in the most sarcastic way. Bertolt wasn't exactly in a playing mood.

"What the fuck do you want, Lee?" He asked, his eyes bearing down on me. I smirked at moved even closer to him.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, I just wanted to come over here to tell you that I remember everything, you fucking two faced son of a bitch." I had a huge grin plastered on my face. Bertolt's face, however, got dark and he began to walk toward me. I used my hardening ability to make one of my fingers as deadly as a blade and I pointed it at Bertolt's chest. "Whoa, slow down there, warrior." I said, before closing the distance between us even more, my claw snagging Bertolt's shirt. "I came to fill you in on a little piece of information. I am the Wolf Titan." I saw his expression stay the same and I scoffed as the realization dawned on me. "You already knew, didn't you?" It was his turn to grin.

"Yes. I happened to figure it out after hearing about what happened to Daz." My mean routine was failing, I let the smallest hint of emotion leak onto my face. It passed by quick but Bertolt was able to catch it. "Tell me, Wolf. How did it feel to kill one of these fucking devils?" He started to laugh, softly and evilly. His eyes became merciless, showing nothing but the hate of a warrior. I felt a growl rise up in my throat as I brought my clawed finger to his neck, close to his jugular.

"Does Reiner," He stopped laughing. "Does Reiner know?" His face fell dark again before answering.

"Reiner's not a warrior anymore. At least, not all the time." I was confused. What did that have to do with him knowing if I was the Wolf Titan or not?

"Are you going to fucking explain or what?" I asked rudely, keeping an ear out for anyone trying to approach us.

"After what happened with Marco, he snapped. He isn't a warrior anymore. He's a full soldier now." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"So, he has no idea about the mission, about what we were sent here to do? That's not possible." Bertolt scoffed at me and hit my hand away. I had gotten distracted and it was no longer hardened. I glared at him as he took a few steps away from me.

"Come on, Rayne. You of all people know how that is totally possible." He turned back toward me and I could see that this asshole really did hate me. I could give a fuck less, I had never really liked him either. "You also would know how loyal he is, how determined he was to see this mission through to the end. Hell, with all the info I bet you have on us, you would definitely know all that. Yet, somehow he still faltered. Somehow he became distracted. All because of you. What the fuck is wrong with you?" He fully turned toward me and I could sense how angry he was at me, like the calm before the storm. "Why can't you see that we need to complete the mission?" I started shaking my head.

"Why? Are you serious right now? This mission is fucking shit, Bertolt! Why would anyone want to do this? Nothing is worse than killing innocent people!"

"Innocent?!" He was starting to yell. I swallowed nervously and looked around, making sure no one was listening in. Bertolt seemed to regain his calm face, but his voice was still angry. "These are the fucking devils, Rayne. We have to eliminate them then everyone back home will be safe! Don't you get that?" I balled my fists and took heavy steps closer to him.

"That is all a bunch of fucking bullshit! No one is safe back home! Once fucking Marley gets the Founding Titan, all the Eldians are done for! They would use everyone back home as a pawn in their fucking war! Everything they promised you is a lie!" He shook his head at me and I was starting to get so angry I almost hit him.

"You are the liar. They did something to you in that hospital, didn't they?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this guy serious right now?

"How the fuck do you come up with a fucking idea like that? Seriously, Bertolt? How? I genuinely want to know how one person can be so fucking stupid!" He took my shirt into his fist. My feet were barely touching the ground and he was giving me a look that just radiated all kinds of emotion. Mostly hate and anger, but also loyalty. Mayne Reiner wasn't the most loyal after all.

"Shut up. You just shut the fuck up, Rayne Lee or I will kill everyone you care about." His voice was low and laced with poison. "I will kill Mikasa and Armin. Then, I will kill Reiner." I narrowed my eyes at him. Was he serious? Would he really do it?

"You wouldn't." I tried to call him out, to see if he was bluffing.

"Oh, yes. You see Rayne, I am willing to sacrifice anyone to make sure I get home. I don't give a fuck about anyone or anything. All that matters is me, myself and I and I'll be damned if anyone thinks they could stand in my way. Including you. However, since I can't kill you or Eren, you are way important to our superiors,"

"Your superiors," I corrected him but he completely ignored me.

"And Eren would be just an added bonus to bring back, I can kill everyone else. Starting with your closest friends" I didn't want to believe him but I knew this bastard was serious. I had no choice but to hang my head and I sighed in defeat, completely upset over how this confrontation had turned on me. I looked up at Bertolt and wanted nothing more than to claw the fucking eyes out his skull. He was grinning back down at me and he started to walk away.

"Wait," I called out. He stopped but didn't turn. "Reiner, he's really not a warrior anymore?" Bertolt still didn't turn even as he answered.

"He switches back and forth sometimes, but the soldier side seems to be winning. I was able to tell when he was back, because he would get so defensive and he would withdraw from everyone around him. But he's starting to get more and more soldier with every passing day. There is no telling when the warrior would be back." Bertolt finally turned toward me and grinned that fucking grin. "He could be a warrior right now for all we know, thinking about how he had heard what you did to Daz and Marco, remembering how he knows who you are." He turned back again and started walking toward the rest of the Scouts. I felt sick to my stomach and tried to take in what I had just heard. My dear sweet Reiner, he was lost in the dark depths of his own mind. Just like I was lost. What had happened to cause this? I tried to think of a plan, a solution to help get me and Reiner out of this mess. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't come up with anything. Reiner was once again in danger and I didn't know how to go about protecting him. Bertolt with his fucking death threats would be always there, just waiting for a chance to kill him or Mikasa or Armin. I sighed again and felt afraid. I didn't want Reiner or anyone else to die. But I also began to think rationally and I figured that worrying about it now wasn't important. Bertolt thought he had the upper hand, but I was just going to bide my time to get Reiner to follow me toward rebellion. I had to do something, I couldn't let Bertolt think he had won. I was going to wait patiently and bite when Bertolt least expected it. But for now, the plan is to get Reiner back, I needed to convince him to take my side and fight with me. If I didn't have Reiner, I had no idea what I would do.

I started to feel scared, scared of losing everything I have ever loved. I just hope that I could convince Reiner, if I can't then I would have to fight against him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is the most recent chapter! I hope you guys really enjoy it!


	17. #17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions and Schemes

I didn't know what was happening to me. I felt like I was losing more and more of myself ever since that whole thing with Marco. I was having these black outs and I couldn't explain it when I came out of them. I was able to feel them coming, like I would get a sharp pain in my head and then nothing. What felt like just a split second turned out to be really a few hours and it was really scaring me. It scared me more than the thought of Rayne being the Wolf Titan. I knew it was her. I remembered what Marco had said and I was so scared. What if she snaps at the wrong moment and hurts someone? What if she tries to do something in front of the wrong people and gets herself killed? I tried to force back the thoughts of her dead body before deciding what needed to be done.

I would die before I let that happen. I would reveal myself if it meant keeping her alive. Warrior or soldier, it didn't matter to me anymore. I loved her. I loved her more than anything and nothing was going to change that. I was going to fight but only to keep Rayne away from Marley. To Hell with this fucking mission. I would burn the whole world to the ground if it meant Rayne would be safe. I knew this wasn't how I was supposed to be, but I was so fucking tired of living a lie. Right now, I wasn't a warrior or a soldier. I was a man who cared about people, who had friends and a woman to love. That was who I was.

I was so relieved when our convoy stopped because I knew it would give me a chance to talk to Rayne. It felt like it had been years since I talked to her before they sent her to the interior of Wall Rose to be examined.

I couldn't help but worry about her the whole two months she was there. Nobody told me anything. All they would confirm was that she was alive.

I must've asked a dozen people for her whereabouts before I finally saw her. She had her back to me, talking to Bertolt. I felt my stomach drop. Bertolt had informed me of what he was planning. As far as he was concerned, I was still loyal to the mission when he told me about recruiting Rayne to capture the Founding Titan. He said that if her power was as great as the rumors said, then we would have no problem in taking both the Founding and Attack Titans back to Marley.

Seeing her standing there, the way she was moving her hands while she and Bertolt talked, the gestures she was making and the way her body was tense made me see that Rayne was different. She was a warrior but for no one but herself. I didn't think it was possible but I fell even more in love with her. That was all I needed. I wasn't going to do it. Not this, not anymore. She was all I needed, all I had in the world worth fighting for. I had to make sure she stayed with me. I didn't want to lose Rayne to the Marley warrior that could be lurking inside her. I wouldn't lose her again.

I continued watching them and saw Bertolt walking away from Rayne who hadn't moved for a while. He had a very disturbing look on his face. Rayne turned toward him, saying something and he replied without looking at her. She turned all the way around to look him in the eyes. He must've been looking at her in a certain way because the look on her face was one of absolute fear. Bertolt walked away from her again and I looked back at Rayne. I could tell she was struggling about something, the way her face contorted and the worry in her eyes. I couldn't stand to see to see her like that anymore.

I walked toward her and as soon as her eyes fell on my face, everything that was bothering her seemed to disappear. She gave me a warm smile and started running toward me. Her short hair was sticking up, her cheeks were red and her arms open, waiting for me to fill them. I stopped and waited for her. She crashed into me and I was so surprised at her strength that I fell back and tripped on my feet. We both fell onto the ground, laughing like idiots. I gripped her tight in my arms, her head on my chest.

"Oh, how I've missed you." Her voice was muffled and I could feel the vibrations of her voice course through my body. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Reiner, my dear sweet Reiner." Her grip around me tightened and I felt her body start shaking in my arms. I sat back up, positioning her in my lap. She was crying.

"Rayne, what's wrong?" She kept her face covered and turned away from me. I started rubbing my hand along her back, waiting for her to tell me what was bothering her.

"It's me, Reiner. It's me." I gave her a confused look as she stood up. She helped me to my feet and walked back up to where she had been standing with Bertolt just minutes before. I followed her. "I'm the Wolf Titan." She whispered. I smiled softly at her back and wrapped my arms around her.

"I know." I turned her to face me, wiping the tears from her cheek. "Rayne, listen to me." She looked up at me, her dark eyes still full of tears. "I know about you and what happened that day." I took her face into my hands and looked deep into her eyes. "Rayne, it's okay. What happened to Daz and Marco wasn't your fault. Especially what happened to Marco." She finally looked me in the eyes.

"What are you talking about? What happened to him?" I looked down at the floor and started to feel a pain in my chest.

"He was hiding after he got away from you. He heard me and Bertolt talking and Bertolt decided he…" I turned away, I hated what happened, I hated that we had to do that to someone. "We took his gear and left him alone for the titans." I looked back at her, afraid of what her face would tell me. She had tears in her eyes and the look on her face was one of anger and understanding.

"I swear, I will eradicate all of Marley if it's the last thing I do." She growled as she started pacing in front of me, looking crazy. I was starting to fear I had said the wrong thing.

"Wait, Rayne. Come here." She stopped pacing and looked up at me, her eyes unreadable. "I need you to tell me, what are you right now?" She gave me a hard look, the light seeming to return to her eyes.

"You mean am I a warrior for the Commander or for Marley? Is that what you're asking?" She asked before turning away from me and walking farther away toward a small clump of trees. I was a little confused. When did she start considering herself a warrior for the Commander? I followed her still waiting for her answer. "I'm a warrior for Commander Erwin so you can relax." She turned back toward me, the look on her face gave me chills. "What about you?" She asked. I walked toward her, taking her hands in mine.

"I'm a warrior for you Rayne and I want you with me to fight for humanity." She looked at me with a brightness in her eyes.

"Reiner, you want to rebel? Against Marley?" She gripped my hands tightly and I couldn't help but smile at her.

I nodded as I took her face in my hands. She pulled me down and kissed me. I kissed her harder, gripping her jacket in my hands. Rayne seemed almost feral, she was running her hands along my body, almost ripping my shirt a couple of times. I gripped her waist and lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around me and began to run her fingers through my hair. I smirked and bit her lip, causing her to moan. I laughed softly and she looked into my eyes.

"You fucking ass," she said with a small grin.

"I love you, Rayne. I love you so much." I whispered as I held her closer to me. I was in love with this feeling, like we were the only thing in the whole world. I set her back down and she got a look on her face. She looked back past me but before I could turn, she grabbed my jacket and pulled me toward the closest tree. She pushed me behind it and brought me down to her before kissing me. She kissed me in a way that made her intentions very clear.

"Rayne, we can't. Not here." She started undoing my belts, while my hands started undoing hers. I couldn't help it. I wanted her so fucking bad.

"Why can't we?" She purred as she reached her hand down my pants, causing my breath to catch in my throat. She grabbed me and started slowly gripping me in her hand, her eyes never leaving mine. I couldn't form a coherent thought, my brain seemed to be turning on and off. I felt a growl rise in my throat and grabbed her wrists roughly in my hands. I pinned her against the tree and looked into her eyes. They had a wild and lustful look in them, the smirk on her face saying this was what she wanted the whole time.

"Oh God." I said as I brought my face to hers, teasing her a bit. She leaned toward me, trying to brush her lips against mine but I kept pulling away, an evil grin on my face. I finally kissed her hard, moans coming from both of us. She was trying hard to rub her body against me like a cat in heat. Her fists kept clenching and releasing under my grip, the noises that were escaping her mouth were driving me crazy. "Fuck, Rayne. Fuck!" I turned her around and pulled her ass to me, her hands basically clawing at the bark of the tree. I grunted and ran my hands around her, unbuckling her pants as fast as I could. Before I pulled Rayne's pants down, I realized how low I would have to bend down to make this work. I sighed in defeat when suddenly Rayne turned her hands into hardened claws and reached as far up as she could, pulling herself up and positioning herself just right for me.

"No more excuses, Warrior Braun." She said as she turned to look at me.

Could this woman get anymore perfect?

I pulled her pants and undershorts down to her thighs, exposing herself to me. She was positioned just right for me to enter her. I started to free my throbbing member from my pants and I started rubbing the tip along Rayne's opening. She hissed in pleasure, resting her head against the tree. I continued doing this until Rayne started threatening me in a low voice. I shoved myself into her, keeping my grip firm on her waist. Her legs were dangling above the grass, her arms shaking from holding herself up. I started pounding into her hard, moans escaping our lips.

She felt so good, wrapped around my swollen cock, weak at my touch. My name falling from her wet pink lips. I could stay in this moment forever. I leaned forward and kissed her neck, running one of my hands all over her body.

"Oh fuck, Reiner." Her whole body was now shaking under me. I pounded into her harder and faster, my hips banging against her, slapping against her beautiful and round ass. "Oh good God Reiner!"

"Does that feel good, Rayne?" I whispered, my breath hot and heavy. She was unable to answer, my assault on her rendering her ability to talk utterly useless. I grinned as Rayne's moans came more frequent and I soon started feeling my climax approaching. I pulled Rayne closer to me, grunting as I pounded into her harder. I cried out, my face against her back as I released everything inside of her. She released her hands from the tree and slumped to the floor.

"Reiner, where did that come from?" I tucked myself back into my pants and reached down to help Rayne to her feet. Her legs and arms were shaking, so I helped to pull her clothes back up.

"That was two months of pent up frustration without you." She looked up and smiled at me. I took her face into my hands and kissed her.

"Oi, you big idiot." We quickly pulled away and gave a salute to Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, who were both standing in front of us. This could be bad. We were both disheveled, our pants and belts undone and there was the undeniable smell of sweat and sex in the air. "Please tell me you at least had the decency to shoot your seed into the dirt. It be unfair to the poor girl if she had to, say take a leave of absence for a few months due to a certain condition you caused." Oh shit.

"Levi, that's enough." The Commander walked toward us, his eyes on Rayne. I dared not turn to see her face. I couldn't help but think of what Captain Levi said. "Soldier Lee, you are going to be riding with me. Soldier Braun, you will meet up with Captain Levi to get your placement. We will be leaving in ten minutes so," He looked at me and Rayne. "Get cleaned up, please."

"Yes sir!" We called out as they walked away from us. I turned toward Rayne, hoping she hadn't realized what the Captain said.

I was shocked to see that she was holding in a laugh.

"Oh my. Did that just happen?" She laughed and started dancing around. I gave a soft laugh but I couldn't help but worry.

Was there a chance that I got Rayne pregnant?

xxxxxxx

"Erwin, please tell me you are not okay with what we just saw? You should've sent them both back to the wall." Erwin gave me a small grin and I turned away from him.

"Levi, don't you remember being that age? I certainly do." Great. He's being sentimental.

"Tsk, I know I was never careless." I felt the slightest brush against my hand. I scowled as I felt a blush rise in my cheeks.

"No, you were always afraid of getting caught. That was why we always had our meet ups in crowded closets." I stopped and turned to face him, that tall beautiful mountain of a man. I had his arm gripped tightly in my hand. He looked down at me, giving me a look I knew was only reserved for me. A look of happiness and love.

"It was only crowded because your ass was so tall." I loosened my grip but kept my hand where it was. Erwin placed his over mine, the contact of our skin sending sparks throughout my body.

"My dear Levi." He whispered, as he ran his thumb along my knuckles. "You know how much I love it when you get angry with me."

"Tsk, whatever." I removed my hand and turned my face away, cursing this man for making me get emotional. He grabbed my wrist and I started to get nervous, looking around to make sure no one was watching us. "Erwin, stop that. We're not alone."

"Do you think I care?" He was standing in front of me, both hands on me.

"You should, you bastard!" I yelled, a little more harshly than I intended. He took his hands off me and backed away.

"My apologies, Captain." He bowed to me and I instantly regretted my outburst. He started to walk away but this time is was my turn to grab a hold of him.

"Erwin wait." I felt the blush rise in my cheeks again. He turned back toward me and I could see how I hurt him. He may look calm and emotionless to others, but I have been with him long enough to know when the storm was brewing. I could see it in his eyes, the tenseness of his movements and the scowl on his face.

"Why do you care so much about what others think?" He asked, his hands hovering in the space between us, so close and yet so far. Damn this man. Why did those eyes always have to break me? I lowered my gaze, hating myself even more for how I was feeling.

"Erwin, you know I love you," I whispered, still not able to look him in the eye. "I just, I just don't want to embarrass you." At that moment, Erwin quickly closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. I was shocked, I tried to check my surroundings to make sure no one could see us, but the grip Erwin had me in made moving impossible.

"Levi, you could never embarrass me. I love you with all my heart." I scowled and brought my arms up to hold him back, my eyes closing, my body relaxing. Why should those new recruits be the only ones who have no shame in expressing their love for each other?

Was our love not as real?

He finally released me and I threw all caution to the wind and pulled his tall ass down and kissed him. It was a soft, innocent kiss but I knew for Erwin and I it meant so much more. It only lasted a few seconds and when I pulled away, Erwin seemed dazed, a blush in his cheeks, his lips parted.

"Tsk, come on, Erwin. It's not like I haven't kissed you before." He smiled at me and straightened up, running a long finger through my hair. I hit his hand away but gave him the smallest of smiles.

"I love you, Captain Levi."

"I love you too, Commander Erwin." We both started walking back to our convoy, a new feeling rising inside me. I think that was the first time I had ever been hopeful about the days to come.

A/N: so sorry about how long it's been since I've updated. I don't have wifi so I have to write on my phone and it's such a pain. I hope you enjoy this chapter and yes Eruri is canon in this story:) please leave reviews and I love you all! 

~~XXXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Eruri is canon.


	18. #18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Decisions We Face

**7 Days After the Battle of Trost**

This was it. Today was the day. We were going to be picking our regiments. If it hadn't turned out that Eren had the Attack Titan power, Reiner and I along with Annie would be going to the Military Police. However, we were splitting up, Annie would be going to the Military Police and Reiner and I would be joining the Scouts. It was a fucked up situation to me. It seemed like I was the only one who still had the mission in mind. Reiner was lost in the depth of his split personality and Annie, well Annie just seemed ready to give up to me.

I had to talk to her, I had to remind her that she was all I had left, that was until I was able to assess Rayne's situation again.

I got her alone and I could see how upset she still was with me about the whole thing with Marco.

"Annie, you know how much prettier you would be if you just smiled?" I gave her a sarcastic grin of my own, which she didn't return. "Look, I need to make sure that you haven't lost sight of your mission."

"My mission?" She asked, her cold gaze on me. "My mission is shit, Bertolt. How are you still so eager to go along with it? After all that we have been through, after years of living with these people, training with them, talking with them. How can you not think that maybe, we were lied to?" I got angry, looking down at her like she had just spat on me.

"What the fuck are you saying, Annie? Are you serious right now? I should fucking kill you were you stand! How dare you speak ill of our homeland! We are doing this because it was what we were sent here to do. I know you haven't forgotten about your father. What do you think will happen to him if our mission fails, or if it turns out you decided to abandon the mission?" She finally showed emotion on her face, even after my outburst. I knew the subject of her father was sensitive to her, she had only joined because of him. She looked down at the floor and I smirked at her. "Both you and Reiner, you let your emotions get the best of you and let them cloud your judgement." I bent down and took her face into my hands, fighting against her. She struggled but there was a reason I was chosen first to lead this mission. I was the strongest out of all of them. "You remember who was the first choice for leading us, don't you? I was supposed to be the leader. I only let Marcel have it because I thought we would all be more than willing to do what must be done to see the mission through to the end. I guess I was wrong." I looked into her eyes and I tightened my grip on her. "You can use your emotions to fight for our homeland. Use your emotion to return to your father. Focus on the mission. Take the Founding Titan back to our homeland. For yourself, for your father, Annie." She yanked out of my grip again and this time I let her. She turned away from me and walked away.

I knew my words had struck a chord with her. I knew she would not let me down.

That night, as I watched Annie walk away to join the MPs, I couldn't help but wonder why everyone was losing sight of what was important. How could they not want to see the Founding Titan restored to Marley?

Why was I the only true warrior among us?

xxxxxxxx

"Commander, I want to apologize for what you and the Captain witnessed earlier." I said from my spot in the Center Command next to Erwin. "It wasn't my intention to have anyone see us." I blushed, remembering how I had turned into a mad sex driven animal and let Reiner take me out in the open.

"Don't worry too much about it, Lee." He answered without turning to me. "We have more important things to worry about." I knew he was right. The right side of our formation seemed to have taken heavy casualties, and the threat was still coming. I looked ahead and began to see a huge forest of trees appear in front of us. I turned to the commander and he had a sort of gleam in his eyes. I wonder why our path brought us here, I thought to myself as we got closer to the trees.

"Sir, we are entering the forest?" I asked as we paused at the entrance, dismounting our horses. "Wouldn't it be faster to go around?" He turned toward me.

"It isn't your place to ask questions, Lee. You just follow my orders as I give them, understood?" I answered without thinking about it.

"With all do respect sir, I would like to know why I'm falling to my death before following the order to jump off the wall." I noticed the other soldiers around us give me a look of utter shock before turning their heads to the Commander. Oh shit, I thought. "I-I apologize, sir!" I gave a salute as he turned to me. "I didn't think before speaking! I'm sure you have your reasons for choosing this path and I assure you, I'll follow you into the very mouth of Hell!" I looked into his eyes and saw a look that my father has given me many times in my childhood when I did something that made him angry and proud at the same time. He didn't say anything. He turned back around and continued what he was doing. I relaxed and walked to him, standing closely to him. I looked straight ahead with an expressionless face, and waited for my orders. After he gave the soldiers who were staying behind their orders, he got back on his horse and looked down at me.

"Saddle up, Lee. We're going ahead." I gave a salute and went to my horse. After finally getting comfortable in the saddle, I followed Commander Erwin, along with a few other soldiers into the darkness of the giant forest. I thought about what he had told the others that had stayed behind. He told them to let all the other squads know that they are to stay out of the forest, all except for the Center Squads.

What was my Commander planning? Why was I filled with a sense of hope drowning in a sea of dread? I tried not to dwell on it too much and I focused on the older man ahead of me, the one that I was more than willing to give my life up for. Commander Erwin was a man I could trust. I was starting to see many semblances of my father in him, I had to constantly make sure I didn't accidently call him Dad. I knew he wasn't my father, but the same fire, drive and passion that my he had for the ocean, Erwin had it for humanity and the fight to ensure that the Titan threat would not wipe every single person out.

xxxxxxxxxx

**Hours Earlier**

I walked away from Rayne after kissing her to meet up with Captain Levi to get my squad placement. I ran into the last person I wanted to see.

"Reiner, I need to talk to you." Bertolt stated as he stood tall in front of me.

"What is it?" I was trying to hard to keep any animosity out of my voice.

"I need to know the truth, Reiner. Are you really in love with Rayne?" I swallowed nervously and didn't reply right away, which caused Bertolt to give me a creepy grin. "That's what I thought. Now, I have a proposition for you: you do what I say from this point out and I won't kill Rayne." I got angry and looked at him.

"You will not touch her." He kept grinning at me and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the fucking jaw.

"Of course not, as long as you stick to the mission. Reiner, you need to learn the true meaning of loyalty. I am more than willing to do anything and everything to restore the Founding Titan back to Marley. I don't care how many people get in my way, I'll slice through them easily. Now, I realize you haven't quite been yourself lately and I understand that. However, I expect you to continue seeing this mission through every chance you are able to. When your true self comes back, I want you to be loyal and more than willing to fulfill the mission. Rayne's life depends on it." I couldn't look Bertolt in the eyes until now. He was threatening someone I loved and cared about deeply. I couldn't let that happen.

"You, you're not going to do a damn thing. I won't let you." Bertolt walked closer to me, an empty look in his eyes, that fucking grin on his face.

"What are you going to do to stop me? Hmm?" I glared at him, really hating him right now. "Besides, if you're harboring so much hatred for me for wanting to fulfill the mission, you should be hating Rayne also. You know, since she's on my side and everything." My eyes grew wide and I felt my body start shaking.

"What are you talking about?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I talked to Rayne earlier and I have to say I was very surprised to see how loyal of a warrior she is. I asked her the same question about you, if she did love you." His face got dark and the grin got wider. "She told me nothing matters to her except bringing honor to her country. That's why when I threatened her with killing you, she laughed. She said she never loved you that she had only said and did everything she did before she got her memory back because she didn't know who she was. As soon as she remembered, she said you became nothing to her." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It couldn't be true, could it? Rayne loved me, I know she did, there was no way that look she would give me with her eyes full of hope and light was fake, right?

"You're lying. You're trying to try to make us pawns in your fucking plan. Well, I'm not falling for it. You're nothing but a manipulative selfish bastard, Bertolt Hoover." Bertolt just grinned and walked past me. He turned once more to talk to me again.

"Remember Reiner, I will kill her, with my own two hands. I will watch as the life leaves her eyes. I will kill her if you fail." He turned and walked away from me, leaving me to ponder his words.

/

I continued to ponder them even as I asked Armin casually about Eren's true position in the formation. I thought about how seriously precarious my situation was, even as I looked Annie in the eye, her grip tightening around my body.

I felt the pressure of my body breaking and then nothing. I already started to heal so I took this moment to carve into Annie's hand before cutting her fingers off and escaping.

**CENTER**

I scooped up Armin, and started running with him and Jean to safety. I turned and watched as Annie began running toward the center of the formation. It was only in that moment did I remember that Rayne was in the center of the formation as well.

_What have I done? Why did I do this?_

I felt a sudden pain in my head and I was gone.

xxxxxxxxxxx

We were so deep within the forest, I was surprised we haven't seen the other side yet. We finally stopped and Commander Erwin had us dismount and wait up in the trees for the supply wagons to arrive. There was no way I was going to just stand there and do nothing, so I decided to work out. I did as many exercises as I could. After I was done with that, the supply wagons still had yet to show up. I made an annoyed sound and turned toward the Commander. I had an idea in my head that I knew he probably wouldn't go for but it didn't hurt to try.

"Excuse me, Commander Erwin." I flew to where he was standing and gave a salute. He nodded his head at me and I continued. "If it's not too much to ask, sir, I could really use a sparring partner."

He started laughing. I fought back tears. I remembered that laugh. How the Hell was this man almost an exact spitting image of my fucking father?

"You never cease to surprise me, Lee." I raised an eyebrow at him and he turned to a nearby soldier. "Hey, any sign of the wagons?" He called out.

"No sir!" The soldier responded. Erwin grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well then, Lee." He started removing his jacket as I did the same. "We will be using the trees as our battleground.. Also, for just this sparring session, I'm disregarding rank." I gave him a shocked look.

"Sir, seriously?" He gave me a grin before nodding.

"I have heard things about you, Lee. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to pick you up from the Medical Center myself. I don't want you to hold back. I want to see for myself what you are made of." I grinned and without warning, I lunged at him, my fists ready to collide with his jaw. He hit my arm away and while I was busy trying to rein in my surprise at his speed, he swung at me. I was able to move away, but not fast enough and I winced as his fist hit my shoulder. I ducked down and kicked at his long legs but he jumped and offered a kick of his own. I brought my arms up to block and quickly retaliated with my own punch. I heard the shocked noises of the soldiers around us as my fist collided with Erwin's jaw. Without giving him a chance to recover, I squatted down to jump at him. I was finally able to get a hold of him. I grabbed his arm and tried to buckle his knee with my leg to get him on the ground.

All of a sudden, he shot out one of his wires and zipped away from me. He slipped out of my hands, causing me to lose my balance and fall off the side of the thick branch we had been fighting on. I shot out one of my own wires and looked up at where he was. He was against a different tree, grinning down at where I hung, suspended in the air.

"Come on, Lee. Is that all you got?" He taunted, as he wiped a small trail of blood off his chin. I smirked and glared at him.

"I'm not even warmed up, old man." I flew to where he was and for the next minute we were chasing each other through the trees, both of us making an escape before the other could finish the fight.

We were both on a different branch now, dodging punches and kicks. After one of his punches left me dazed and vulnerable, I made sure to not let him land another one again, at least not to my head. I used my agility, dodging his attacks and laughing every time his face got angry. I was able to get a few hits on him, with as bigger than me that he was, he had more space for me to hit.

Most of the time, he would be chasing after me, trying to use his size to attempt to get me in some sort of submission move. I was the one chasing him now. I grinned as he finally stopped and I sped toward him, over eager to take him down. He turned to me at the last minute and I realized my mistake too late. He used a huge arm to grab me around my upper body and with a twist and a quick flick of his hand, he knocked my triggers away. I couldn't get away. He quickly threw me down against the tree branch and kept my hands behind my back and a knee hard on my ass. I couldn't get up.

"Huh," he said out of breath. "I'll admit Lee. You sure gave me a work out." He stood up and helped me to my feet. I grinned at him, and with the scarce light coming in through the leaves, his features became muddled but clear at the same time.

"Come on, Dad. I was just taking it easy on you." I hadn't realized what I said until I noticed the look he was giving me. "Umm, I mean"

"Commander! The wagons are coming!" Without missing a second, he took off through the trees to where we first started fighting to get his jacket. Then he headed down to the path to began discussing something with the soldiers down there. I stayed where I was, still trying to get a hold of myself. I turned away and started to cry. I had to keep telling myself that my father was gone. Erwin couldn't replace him, why was I thinking he could?

"Lee! Get down here!" I wiped my face and took a deep breath, before flying through the trees to meet up with everyone. "Help everyone get these cannons assembled and loaded." Cannons? I thought as I saw the different pieces being uncovered and unloaded from the wagons. Why did we have cannons?

"Yes, sir!" I said as I began helping everyone. I turned back to the Commander but he turned away quickly. I was starting to wonder what he thought about me calling him dad. I didn't mean to, it was like I was staring right at him, with the light and the situation, it just slipped out. I sighed and continued to focus on my work. The cannons that the wagons had all needed to be set up, piece by piece. I was really curious as to why we brought these with us. We were only supposed to be going on a test trip to prepare for Shiganshina.

What was the Commander planning?

We finally had the cannons set up and loaded and I was started to feel something. I felt a sense of impending doom, as if something was heading towards us. The Commander began yelling orders again, telling everyone to get into their positions. I was confused, and lost. I didn't know what was happening or where I was supposed to go. I got lost in all the hustle around me.

"Lee! Get up here!" I looked up and saw the Commander standing on a branch that was so high up above me. I used my gear to fly up there and I stood next to him, before giving a salute.

"Sir!" He nodded at me and I relaxed, and looked down at the path he was staring at. Nothing was said between us for a while but the air was thick with tense movements and unsaid thoughts.

"I know you have a lot on your mind, Lee." He said suddenly. I looked in his direction, but didn't turn.

"I'll be alright." I said. "I'm used to it, after all." He turned his body toward me and gave a small laugh.

"I know that. I've read through some of the reports on you. I have to say, you have a very interesting story." I tensed up. What was he saying? Did he know about my true identity? He couldn't, could he?

"It's not all that interesting, sir. I assure you." He turned away from me again.

"If you say so, Wolf Slayer Lee." I quickly turned to him, remembering the time in the woods with Reiner, when I killed the wolf without hesitation. A Wolf Slayer who is also the Wolf Titan? I swallowed back the bile rising in my throat as I focused on the sound of a very loud acoustic round coming from somewhere in the forest. "Get ready, Wolf Slayer. This is going to be a pivotal point in our fight." He turned his gaze to me again. "Are you with me?" I looked to him and closed the distance between us.

"To the death, Commander Erwin." I placed a hand on his broad shoulder and looked into his eyes. "Into the fiery depths of Hell." I looked back down at the path, the sounds of horses and yelling getting closer. I could sense how tense the Commander was and I held my breath, ready and waiting. All of a sudden, a group of soilders on horseback came flying through the forests, running for their lives. My eyes widened as saw my brother among the soldiers. I then looked up and saw Annie in her Titan form step into our view, she turned to me and I met her eyes.

Oh fuck, I thought. She's trying to take Eren. I was about to engage her when the Commander shouted in a voice so loud, I was sure the whole forest could hear it.

"FIRE!" The cannons erupted and spears began flying from everywhere, embedding themselves in Annie's flesh. The explosions were loud, I had to fight to make sure my hands didn't go to my ears. Once the firing stopped, the Commander ordered for the rest of the cannons to be fired as a precaution. The forest once again rang with the sound of cannon fire.

So this was it, I thought. The Commander wanted to catch her. They're going to take her alive. I had to think quickly. I was starting to wonder if I should tell the Commander about me and my relationship to Annie. I could talk to her, try to assure her that if she goes along with us and comes quietly, then everything would be okay for her. But would she believe me? I had to try, there was too much riding on my decision to not seriously think about it. Also, if I reveal Annie and myself, what of Bertolt and Reiner? I could still hear Bertolt's death threat in my ears and I clenched my eyes as I started to think about my dilemma. What would Bertolt do to him, is one life worth many others? Am I only hesitating because of my love for Reiner? I opened my eyes and looked at the Commander as another realization dawned on me: how did he know? How was he able to figure out that the Female Titan was a Shifter?

"Take a good look at it, Lee." Commander Erwin said from his spot next to me. "We are going to pull that traitor out of the nape and finally be able to get answers." I felt my stomach drop. I had all the answers he was wanting, yet I was keeping quiet. Here I was, talking about how I'm a loyal warrior for this man and I can't bring myself to tell him the truth. I gave a salute as I saw Captain Levi join us. He didn't acknowledge me, he went straight to the Commander.

"So this is it, huh? This is what we were doing all along." I heard the Captain talking in a hushed voice and I tried not to listen. "You were planning this all along and you couldn't even tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone, Levi. Please try to understand." The Captain made a noise and I snuck a peek over at where they were standing. Levi was turned to the Commander and the Commander was looking down at Levi. The Commander had a soft look on his face, his mouth edged up in a small smile, his eyes bright. I blushed and turned away, giving them their privacy. I looked back at Annie and suddenly felt bad for her and at how pathetic she looked, trapped like a rat. Her eyes met mine and I felt my breath catch in my throat. There was no way she could know what I was. Unless, Bertolt told her. I jumped at the sound of ODM gear and I saw Levi go toward her. He sped to her hands, attempting to cut them off when suddenly, Annie hardened them and the Captain's blades shattered on impact. He zipped back towards us and he looked down at his destroyed blades before looking up at the Commander. I knew of the hardening ability, I could use it myself. Nothing will get passed it, unless they intended on shattering dozens of blades.

"Oi," I jumped and looked up at Levi. He had an obvious look of mistrust on his face. "What are you thinking over there? You're looking a little suspicious to me." The Commander turned toward me and gave me a look of his own.

"Uh, it's nothing, Captain. I just was thinking about the person in the Titan and how we were going to proceed in getting them out." Levi narrowed his eyes at me, still not trusting me.

"Levi," Commander Erwin placed a hand on his shoulder. "We need to blow her hands off. That may be the only way to get them out. Once the explosives go off, get ready to cut them off." Levi nodded and he zipped back toward Annie. He stood on her head, looking down at her. He was saying something but I couldn't make it out. Commander Erwin called a soldier to his side and ordered he set them explosives. The soldier gave a salute before heading back.

"Commander, I think I should tell you something." I looked over at Erwin, feeling the need to come clean. I had to, there was no other choice. But before Erwin could respond, Annie started shrieking. She shrieked loudly and everyone in the forest covered their ears. I looked over at her, knowing full well what she was doing.

_She was calling for Titans._

When she finally stopped, I looked over at her again and this time she didn't look afraid. She looked triumphant. What did you just do, I thought. After a few minutes, another soldier joined me and Erwin.

"Commander, they're coming!" Erwin quickly pushed passed me to get to the other soldier.

"From what direction?" He asked. I looked back at Annie, my stomach churning.

"From every direction, I can smell them, sir." Erwin tensed and I turned around and saw a horde of Titans running right toward us.

"Engage! Attack them! Don't let them through!" I readied my blades and was about to jump from the tree when Erwin grabbed my shoulder. "Wait, Lee. Let the others deal with those first." I looked up at him and then back down at the soldiers heading toward the Titans. They ran past the soldiers without even acknowledging them.

"Sir! They're Variants!" I looked up at Erwin and my eyes grew wide at the grim look on his face.

"All soldiers engage the Titans! Protect the Female at all costs!" I jumped down with the smelling soldier and began to cut through Titans. I focused on my speed and precision and took down as many Titans as I could. But our actions didn't do anything. The Titans got through and they devoured her.

"No, Commander! The Titans!"

"Everyone! Retreat! Reform the formation and head back to Karanes district!" I shot back to the tree that Commander Erwin was standing on. I was out of breath and covered in Titan blood. I looked up at the Commander and he turned back toward me. "Go get ready, Lee. We're moving out." I looked down at the remains of Annie and also looked for any sign that one of those Titans turned back into a human. If one of them indeed ate Annie, that would've happened. However, with the amount of steam in the air, she could've made her escape. She could be back on her mission right now.

"What the fuck am I going to do?"

"Lee?" I looked up at Erwin and nodded, following him down the trees to where our horses were waiting. The retreat smoke signal was shot and soon the signal was relayed through the forest. We were going back, our mission a failure.

What would become of my brother once we made it back behind the wall?

/\

We were heading through the forest, back to rendezvous with the others to reform the formation and head back to the wall. Erwin had begun to voice the concerns I had only thought about. The idea that Annie had not been devoured and was indeed still on her path. Riding next to him, made me feel like the biggest piece of shit.

I had the answers he was looking for, I knew who Annie was and yet I still was quiet. I couldn't bring myself to reveal my identity just yet. I had to think of another way that didn't involve getting Reiner killed. But what was I going to do? I kept quiet the whole trip, just merely listening to the Commander and Squad Leader Hange talk amongst themselves. All of a sudden, an explosion was heard and I knew what it was.

Annie was in her Titan form once again. I clenched my eyes and hated myself more than I ever had in my life. How many more people was she going to kill? Why was she so blindly devoted to this? I saw a face flash in my mind and I got angry. Bertolt had to have gotten to her, made threats to her just like he did with me. That was the only logical explanation. After a few minutes, another explosion rang through and now, I was more than angry I was also scared shitless. Eren was a Titan and he was fighting her. What chance did he have? How sure was he that he could beat her? I heard the Commander yell at me that there was nothing more we could do and the best thing we could do was retreat. I was so relieved when I saw light ahead of us, the forest would soon end and the trek home would begin.

Mikasa and Captain Levi brought Eren back. He had been taken by Annie but he was recovered and she got away. We rode out away from the forest. Once we were quite a distance from the forest, dark and grim work began. We had to count our dead. I was like one of them myself. I couldn't help but think of how many of these deaths were due to my silence. If I had just told the Commander the truth, would the death toll have been lower? I walked by the wagon that Eren was resting in. I looked down at my brother, my heart filled with pain at the thought of him having to fight her alone. I could've been there with him. We could've taken her down easy if we had been together. If I had just revealed myself.

"I'm sorry, Eren." I whispered as I walked away. I ran right into Reiner. He looked down at me with sad look and I just pulled him to me. I wrapped my arms tight around him, pain and sorrow heavy in my heart. It took him a while to hold me back. "How are you, Reiner?" I asked, my voice muffled against his chest.

"Fine." He said curtly. I looked up at him and he removed my arms from his body. "We have a lot more dead to count. We should keep working." He walked away from me and I just looked at him as he did. I was aware of everyone around me so I regained my composure and went back to work. I saw Bertolt looking over at Reiner with that grin, that fucking grin, plastered across his face.

So that's what it was, I thought. He got to him. Just like with Annie, Bertolt said something to Reiner to make him like this. I know Reiner, I know the person he truly is. Bertolt was trying to get him to be a true warrior again. I looked over at Bertolt with a look that said as plain as day: _over my dead fucking body._

Reiner will not become a pawn for Bertolt and neither will Annie. I will save both of them. I will kill Bertolt if I have to. I will change and I will tear his body apart with my teeth. I will crush him under my hands. I will spread his blood as far as the ocean. Then I will find Zeke and rip his fucking head off. I will take my rage back to Marley. I will destroy that entire country even if it fucking kills me.

Marley will fucking burn for what they've done.


	19. #19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realization and Truth

I sat there on my horse next to Commander Erwin. The gates were rising, the bell tolling, signaling our early return. I still loathed myself, hating the consequences my actions in keeping quiet had caused. If only I had been honest with the commander as soon as I was released, just a few hours ago, maybe then we wouldn't be in this situation.

However, my thoughts kept going back to Reiner and Annie. They were trapped, as I was, under Bertholt's threats. He was the one that I really needed to watch out for. He was conniving and I am positive he had gotten to Reiner, told him things that made him recoil at my touch.

Once the gates opened, we walked forward. I looked back and saw a few heads hung in shame, a few tear streaked faces and a lot of wounded. It didn't help my mood that people were yelling at Commander Erwin, throwing curses and slander at him, like he was some common criminal.

I began to get angry and I found myself drawing in breath to deliver a slew of curses myself, when I was stopped by Captain Levi.

He didn't say anything but it was the look on his face. He was angry, looking down at these people in hate for the things they were saying about his Commander. But he remained silent. How could he, I remembered thinking. If he loves Erwin, like I had assumed after their reunion in the forest after Annie was captured, how could he sit back and allow this to happen?

I understood how after I saw the look on Erwin's face. It was calm, collected and indifferent to the hate being directed at him. The people of the Karanes district were turning their backs on him, removing their support from the Scout Regiment but Erwin was as calm as a river. I released a shaky sigh and rode in silence for the rest of the way to the modest dwelling we would be staying in for the night.

/

I sat upon my bed, thinking about what the fuck I needed to do. Eren was being delivered to the Military Police in Stohess for the failure of this mission and even Commander Erwin had to report to the authorities in the Capital.

What was I going to do? I had to tell someone about me, about Annie and the others. What would happen? What would they do to us? Also, how would I be able to keep Bertholt from doing anything to Reiner if I told. Anything that the authorities of this island did would be nothing compared to what Bertholt was capable of doing. I growled and violently punched the wall, the skin splitting on my knuckles. Bertholt. That fucking asshole. There had to be a way to keep him in the dark, at least for a little while. At least until I could come up with a plan.

The one thing I couldn't live with was being looked at as a monster, or even worse a traitor, by those I loved. Eren, Mikasa and Armin, were so important to me. I didn't want to hurt them. I had to be able to let them know that no matter what had happened, no matter what I was, they were still my family and I loved them more than myself.

I had to make sure that they knew that.

I loved them, despite being nothing but a monster.

I thought about Reiner and Annie. I had to be able to convince everyone that despite what they had done, they were not monsters. We were just kids who had no other choice. We would've set foot on this island, in one form or another.

I looked up when I heard hushed voices outside my door. I stood up and went to hear.

"-don't care about any of that right now, Levi. You have made that apparent since we settled in, but this is important information and it is crucial to our plan that we will be executing in a few days." It was Erwin, he was walking by with Levi.

"What if he's wrong? Did you think about that? Also, why are we just hearing about it now? If he had learned of her identity some time ago, why did he wait? Does it not seem suspicious to you? Think of not only my squad that died but all the others. Those deaths could've been avoided if he hadn't kept silent!" My heart beat sped up rapidly, I was afraid it could be heard by the men on the other side. Who exactly are they talking about?

"We will be getting answers Levi, now please calm down and focus. We are going to map out our plan to capture her once and for all. Also, see to it that Mike has what he needs to head out, along with the rest of the members from the 104th. The only one's who need to stay are Jaeger, Ackerman, Kirstein, Artlert, and Lee." The footsteps went in opposite directions and I released the breath I had been holding.

It felt like the walls were closing in on me. Who's identity had been found out? Mine? Annie's? And by whom? What were we having to stay for and why was everyone else leaving? I swallowed hard and stood up. What were they going to do? What plan were they talking about?

Reiner. He's going to be leaving soon. I wanted to run off and find him, but what would I say? What could I do to convince him that Bertholt was doing nothing but manipulating him? I went back to my bed and fell into it. My head started pounding and I was terrified that the ugly side of me would rear its head again.

So I began to think of other things. I thought about my mother. I could remember more about her and how much she loved me. I knew that what I saw that day in Trost, before I killed Daz, was not her. She didn't want this for me. She loved me and my father and she wanted nothing more than to get away from Marley and everything that cursed country stood for. I started to remember the song she would sing to me as she stroked my hair, buried under a light comforter between her and my father. I could hear his steady breathing as he dreamed and I felt comforted.

That was my entire world. My mother and father, a small fishing boat on the ocean, my mother singing as the rain fell.

But that world was gone, burnt to the ground. I had made a new world for myself here. Eren, Armin, Mikasa and Reiner, they were my world now. But could I really let this world be burnt to nothing as well?

No, I will not allow that to happen. This world of mine will not fall. Marley will.

/

I ran to where Mike and the others were getting ready to leave. I pushed past people, not caring if I knocked them down, I had to get there before they left. I had to see Reiner before he left.

I finally got to the wall and smiled as I saw them still getting ready. I looked for Reiner and ran to him. Bertholt was close to him, no doubt keeping an eye on him, but I didn't care. I knew Reiner would have to act a certain way around him but none of that mattered to me. He had to know that I loved him. I had to make sure he still believed that.

"Reiner!" I called out as I got closer to him. He gave me a surprised look, his eyes darting in between me and Bertholt. I crashed into him, my arms wrapping around him, tears falling from my eyes.

"R-Rayne?" He stuttered, before slowly wrapping his arms around me. I buried my head into his chest, the soft fabric of his shirt becoming stained with my tears. "What are you doing here?" He asked, before gently pushing me off of him to look down at me.

"I came to say that I love you." I took his face into my hands, standing on my tiptoes to really look at him. His eyes became soft and gave me a pained look. I could tell he wanted nothing more than to express something, anything. But with Bertholt watching, it was damn near impossible for him.

My Reiner was hurting, he was in pain and I couldn't help him. I saw tears start to pool in his eyes but I gave him a careful look. He had to be safe, wherever he and Bertholt were going. "I love you, no matter what anyone says. I love you so much, Reiner Braun." I kissed him softly and before he could respond, before the whisper of love could be uttered back, I turned and looked at Bertholt. He was giving me a look I had become too familiar with, a look of smug victory.

_No._ I thought to myself. _You will not win this time._

I knew that I had to wager this, it was the only thing I had to make sure Reiner stayed safe until I came up with something else.

I walked up to Bertholt and I pulled him down into a hug. With my mouth close to his ear, I whispered softly. "You win. I will do whatever you want, I will follow your every command. Just please, please Bertholt. Don't hurt him, don't hurt Reiner. Please." Confirmation that my trap took came in the form of Bertholt's long arms wrapping around me.

"I give you my word." He whispered back. I clenched my eyes tightly and released him before turning back to Reiner. I looked long and hard into his golden eyes.

It worked, didn't it? He believed me, right? I saw it, I saw the look in his eyes, the love, the pain. That had to mean that he believed me? I suddenly felt like the world was spinning. I had this huge secret on my mind and I also had Reiner's and Annie's fate weighing down on me. I felt like they were in my hands, like so many of the small fish my father would catch, they felt slippery and dangerously close to falling out of my grip and back into the water.

Only this plunge wouldn't mean freedom, it meant death.

I steadied myself and looked back up at Reiner. He was still getting supplies ready but with Bertholt's back to him, he mouthed the words, _I love you_. I smiled and blew him a kiss before taking back off toward the center of town. There was going to be a meeting tonight and it was apparently about the plan that was to be set in motion in Stohess District. I was to attend, so I began to think that it wasn't my identity that they found out but definitely Annie's. They wouldn't confront me right then and there, if it were my identity they had discovered, would they?

I quickly headed back into our building and ran right into Armin.

"Oh, shit! I'm so sorry." I smiled at him and began to pat him down, making sure that he wasn't hurt. He gave me a small smile in return and lifted his arms to stop me.

"It's alright, you seem a little distracted, are you okay?" I lowered my gaze and began to kick myself for not remembering how smart Armin was. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one that had figured out Annie's identity.

"I just got back from seeing Reiner, he's going out past the wall today." Armin gave me a sympathetic look and he took my hand in his.

"I saw how much he cares about you while you were in the hospital." I looked up.

"Really?" I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes. I had been so worried about Bertholt twisting him back into a loyal warrior for Marley, I didn't realize that there was also a possibility that he could fall out of love for me. Bertholt almost succeeded in making sure both of those things happened.

"Yea, he was always asking about you, demanding that the higher ups gave him more information about how you were doing." Armin gave a small laugh. "It was really adorable to be honest." I laughed with him, the tears flowing freely.

"I really love him." I said before thinking. "I love him so much." I wiped my nose and sighed, closing my eyes for a little bit. "I hope he'll be okay." I opened my eyes when I felt Armin wrap his arms around me.

"He'll be okay. Wall Rose is hasn't been breached and there is a very low probability of something bad happening. You don't have to worry." I gave a small laugh as I hugged him back and wiped my eyes again after letting him go.

"Always the brains, eh? Thank you, Armin." He smiled at me again and together we walked to get some lunch.

/

That night, my stomach was full of nerves, threatening to empty its contents. I swallowed hard as I waited with Captain Levi and Eren for the rest of our party.

Captain Levi was talking to himself. It seemed to amuse Eren and when he asked about it, he said something about always talking and how he hadn't been talking to him. I closed my eyes, thinking about how Levi's entire squad was murdered by Annie. Many more deaths on my hands, more faces to see in the dark.

Finally Erwin walked in along with, to Eren's surprise, Armin and Mikasa. He sat down at the head of the table and began to talk.

"We have found out the identity of the Female Titan. We are going to be using the time we are in the Stohess district on our way to the Capital to execute a plan that Artlert and I have devised. We are under the impression that the Armored and Colossal Titans are working with her and to be able to drive them out of hiding, we need to capture her alive."

"Sir," Eren shakily stated from his spot across from me. "You are certain of their identity?" Armin was the one to answer.

"I came to the conclusion when we were out in the field. She reacted in a certain way when I called you a 'suicidal maniac'. She knows who you are, she is a member of our old squad. She also, for some reason, couldn't bring herself to kill me when she had the chance. Also, I believe she may have even," Armin swallowed hard before continuing, "had something to do with Marco's death. That was why she had his gear when we were investigated about the deaths of Sonny and Bean. She turned in Marco's gear because she couldn't turn in her own. Not without turning herself in." I closed my eyes as I thought about Marco. I had attacked him after I killed Daz and I could still see the scared look on his face as I looked down at him, my intent to murder him. I opened my eyes and looked over at Eren. He was in such a state of disbelief, it made me wonder if he had already had his suspicions but couldn't bring himself to believe them. Not without certain confirmation.

"Who is it?" Eren asked shakily. "Who is the Female Titan?" I looked over to Erwin and the others. I knew who she was. I also knew who the Armored and Colossal Titans were. I felt like throwing up. I hated having to lie, I hated this secret I had to keep but what else could I do?

I was stuck between a rock and a very hard place.

"The Female Titan," Erwin started, "is Annie Leonhart." I let out my pent up breath loudly, I couldn't bring myself to describe what I was feeling. It was odd, hearing someone saying that. Hearing the confirmation of mine and the others sins, was so weird to me. I know what I am and what I was supposed to be, same with Reiner, Annie and Bertholt but hearing the disdain in my Commander's voice when he said it made me so scared.

He was someone else I would hate to betray. He was the same to me as Eren, Mikasa and Armin. I hadn't known him that long but I know he's a good man. He had to be if he was constantly reminding me of my father.

"Annie? That can't be! I don't believe that!" Eren stood and was looking down at Armin who was looking down at the table. "How sure are you, Armin? I mean, are you a hundred percent sure?" Armin didn't answer right away and that caused Captain Levi to speak up.

"If you aren't sure, then am I safe to assume you also have no proof to back up your claims?"

"That's right!" Eren shouted. "Where is your proof, Armin?"

"I-I don't have any." He answered softly.

"Eren, you know it's her." Mikasa said, her voice loud. "You have fought both against Annie and the Female Titan. You know they are the same!" Mikasa stood. "Also, tell me that you don't think they even look quite alike." After a quick pause, Mikasa continued. "You can't, can you?" Eren slammed a fist down on the table, causing me to almost fall out of my seat.

"Are you kidding me?! That is the rationale you are using to back up this insane claim?" Eren turned to me and felt my face go pale. "Rayne, back me up. You know it's not true, right? You can't actually believe that Annie is like me?"

_Like us._ I thought with ill humor. I couldn't look Eren in the eyes. I felt that if I did, he would see more than I was willing to tell.

"I-I don't know what to believe." I answered quietly, my face turned away from everyone, my eyes on the wall. "I suppose, if it was done to you, is it so hard to believe that it could've been done to someone else as well?" I hoped I hadn't made my reply too suspicious, as if there were more to me than I was letting on. However, no one seemed too disturbed by my answer and Erwin began to lay out the details for the plan, ignoring any further protests from Eren.

I sat and listened diligently, not making eye contact with anyone. I had a small role in the plan, I was to simply ride in the carriage with Erwin and Levi. I was being set up as additional security by changing into an MP uniform when we switched Eren out for Jean. I was worried that they would recognize me an not Military Police and that would give the plan away, but Erwin had said that if it came down to that, they would be more upset at the fact that Eren wasn't in captivity.

"We are going to report to the entrance of the Stohess district the day after tomorrow. I expect everyone to follow through with the plan, that is unless something goes awry then we will follow our back up plan. Any questions?" When the room remained silent, everyone was dismissed. I stood and walked to the door when I heard Erwin call me back. I looked up to my friends who smiled and kept walking. Armin, however, kept his gaze on me until I turned away and walked back to the Commander. I saluted before sitting back down next to him. He surprisingly gave me a smile. "Lee, I never got to express how much I enjoyed our fight yesterday." That was definitely not what I was expecting. "I haven't been able to not be so serious in a long time. For that, I really appreciate it." I swallowed nervously before answering.

"It was no problem, Commander. It was just the result of my boredom that I asked you to spar. I had to spend a very long time doing nothing but the most basic of work outs while I was in that medical place and I had no one so," I shrugged my shoulders and cleared my throat, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

"Rayne," I looked up. The Commander hardly called anyone, other than Levi, by their first name. "I want you to know that you are one of the people I feel I can trust wholeheartedly. I don't know why but when my gut tells me something about someone," He looked over at me, smiling. "I tend to not argue with it."

"That's just your constipation talking, Erwin. I wouldn't listen to it, if I were you." Levi said from his place at the door. I hadn't realized he was still there, looking down at me with mistrust. I cleared my throat and stood up.

"I should get going." I excused myself and gave a salute to my two superior officers and walked past Levi to exit the room. He gave me a look and sighed.

"Oh, lighten up, Lee." Levi said as he blocked the door with his arm. "I was only kidding, why are you being so serious?" I looked down at his arm then back up to him. His gaze was piercing and it reminded me so much of Mikasa's how she was able to see deep into my soul, like she was able to tell all my secrets with just a simple look. I broke the gaze and quietly tried to excuse myself again.

"Let her go, Levi." Levi dropped his arm and I quickly ran back to my room, trying to keep my breathing under control.

_He knows._ I thought to myself, as I paced around my room. _They fucking know. Or at least Levi knows._

I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest and my brain was going to explode. Was I getting too worked up over nothing? Or did I have a genuine reason to be worried?

I laid down on my bed and shut my eyes. I focused on my breathing and on the beautiful man I got to see today. I saw Reiner smiling at me, seeing him mouth those three little words to me made my heart sore higher than the walls. I kept focusing on that and not on whether my secret was found out.

"Everything will be okay." I said before finally falling asleep.

/

I was sitting right across from Levi and Erwin in that very small carriage. The ride to the wall was nothing, it was once we were in Stohess and my and Jean put into our new positions did the trip get really awkward. I still couldn't shake the feeling that one of them knew something about me. It had to be Levi, or he at least had his suspicions.

I was constantly shifting in my seat, clearing my throat and fiddling with my hands.

I would also pretend not to notice Erwin's hands and how they would slowly move closer to Captain Levi. Captain Levi would also pretend that he didn't know about Erwin's hands and when he placed them back down, they touched for a slight minute. It made me happy to see that even in the darkest of times, love could find a way.

I closed my eyes and began to think of Reiner. What kind of a future could we have? We weren't the same as Erwin and Levi. We were monsters. Titan shifters. There was no way we could have a happy future, with a place to live, children running around, and peace until the end of our days.

Peace just wasn't in the cards for monsters. I was jolted from my daydreams when the carriage came to a sudden stop.

The voices outside of the carriage began to talk about their plans after this was over. I was about to kick through the door, when an explosion was heard. The tremors shook the ground and the horses tried to bolt. I quickly stood and followed by Erwin and Levi, I exited the carriage. A tall man with short brown hair walked toward us and gave me a look.

"You're not one of my soldiers." He said. I smirked and took off the Military Police jacket.

"No, she's one of mine, Nile." Erwin came up from behind me and he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Go and get Jean and get your equipment from Squad 4." I gave a salute and ran to the carriage that was behind us and reached for the handle.

"Hey stop! You can't open that!" I punched the person without thinking about it and yanked the door open.

"Let's go, Jean!" I called out. He grinned and quickly followed me out, pulling the dark wig from his head and throwing it down on the soldier I had knocked unconscious.

"Where are we going?" He yelled as he ran next to me.

"To kick some ass!" He grinned and we clasped hands before meeting up with Squad 4. Once we were locked and loaded with our ODM gear, I sped off in search of everyone. I saw the explosion and shielded my eyes from the lightning that signified Titan shifting. Eren rose from the rubble and began a heated battle with Annie.

I was about to engage when I began to think about her. Annie. She wasn't a bad person. To condemn her would be to condemn myself. I didn't see myself as a bad person. I didn't see Annie or Reiner as one either. So I couldn't engage her. I couldn't fight.

I stood alone on some rooftops, far away from anyone else. No one was around, but I still had a good view of the fight. Eren was winning. Then, just like that, Annie seemed to be getting inspiration to win from somewhere, because the tables turned in her favor. Suddenly, she was pounding on Eren. I was running. She had him on his stomach. I was flying in between the buildings. She was about to bite into his nape. I used the gas in my gear to shot myself as high into the sky as I could.

I started to fall.

I hardened the pointer finger on my right hand.

I sliced open my left hand and felt the heat from Titan shifting erupt around me. I felt as my Titan body was materialized out of nothing, hot muscles wrapping around my limbs. My strong legs landed heavily. I felt steam rush out of my nostrils. My ears flicked in annoyance and the uproar of more terrified screams. I roared. I wanted everyone to see me. I was The Wolf Titan. A warrior for Commander Erwin and all of humanity. I looked over at where Annie and Eren had stopped fighting, no doubt to look over and wonder at who I possibly could've been.

I knew Annie knew. She may not know exactly, but she had heard of me. She started to run off, to try to head for the wall but I bounded after her, faster on four legs than two.

_**"ANNIE!"**_ I yelled out, in a loud and unsettling voice. She didn't stop so I grabbed onto her, just as she started climbing for the wall. I dug my claws into her flesh, trying to pull her back down. She kicked at me, over and over again. I had to let her go after she popped one of my eyes out. I roared in pain and fell, landing next to Eren. He looked over at me and I looked at him. I looked at him hard with my one good eye, trying to get him to understand, trying to get him to see who I was. **_"Brother."_** I said softly. He growled and snapped at me, before standing up. I thought he was going to go after Annie, but she was already falling down to us. She fell hard against the ground and without hesitation, I grabbed her and flipped her over. She tried to harden her nape, but my teeth were able to bite through the hardened skin. I ripped her out of her Titan form, her arms and legs severed above the knees and elbows. I spat her out into my hand and she opened her eyes and looked up at me. **_"ANNIE! IT'S OVER. I'M GOING TO HELP YOU."_** She closed her eyes and before I began my exit, I turned to a busted carriage and began pulling the ropes that they used to attach the horses. I quickly wrapped the rope around Annie and then finally pushed myself out of my Titan's nape. Once I was free, I hopped down and finished tying Annie up, so she couldn't escape. I heard the arrival of several pairs of feet and looked over at Armin, Jean, Erwin and a few of the MPs.

"Lee! Wha-what happened?" Erwin asked, the only one able to come out of their stupor.

"Commander Erwin." I straightened up and looked him dead in the eyes. "There is some very important information I must share with you, Sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out. I have been so behind on all my writing but I am trying to catch up! I hope yall enjoy this chapter and don't hesitate to tell me what you think!


	20. #20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did she really expect?

Memories. 

 

For so long they had eluded me, kept me at arms length. I thought I would be happy when they returned, but I wasn’t. My memories just revealed my true nature.

 

However, despite my personal conundrums, I had to stay strong. I had a mission, and I would see it through.

 

I looked over at the people who trusted me, who thought I was on their side, who I had betrayed.

 

My eyes fell on Jean, and for some reason I remembered back to our winter training. I had been partnered up with him and Marco. 

 

It was a fucking hell for the first few days, but it made me realize something very important...something I wish I hadn't forgotten...

 

-

 

_ “God dammit, Lee! You were supposed to be keeping the log for yesterday!” _

 

_ “I was not! The log was your responsibility!” Me and Jean fought constantly. We fought from the moment we loaded our tents in the morning to the moment we put them back up.  _

 

_ The bickering was just that. Small pointless fights that were about such petty shit. It started to really get on Marco’s nerves, although he was too nice to say anything.  _

 

_ I remember being in the woods, trying to kill something, anything, for dinner that night. I heard a branch snap and I turned, quickly pulling my knife. _

 

_ Marco emerged from the trees, a scared look on his face for a split second. He gave me a smile and walked over to me.  _

 

_ “Hey, Rayne. Any luck?” He asked as he joined me.  _

 

_ “No. None.” I stretched and sighed heavily. “What's old Horse Face doing?” I asked, a sour tone to my voice. _

 

_ “Rayne.” I didn’t have to look at his face. I could tell by his tone that he wasn’t amused. I muttered an apology and he accepted it. “Rayne, what's the matter? You're not one to argue with anyone like this. Are you okay?” _

 

_ I bit my lip and avoided his gaze. _

 

_ “All his talk about joining the MPs is making me sick. He acts like hiding in the interior is so great.” I spat on the ground. “It's pathetic, and so is he.” _

 

_ I realized the impact of my words when looked over at Marco. _

 

_ “Shit, I'm sorry…” I looked down and sighed. _

 

_ Marco gave a small smile and patted my shoulder. _

 

_ “It's fine, Rayne. I understand your dislike for the Military Police. Why bother training all those years only to waste our talents hiding deep inside the interior?” _

 

_ Marco got comfortable next to me. _

 

_ “The way I see it, we worked hard to become the best. We spent those years fighting to make it in the top ten to join the MPs. We deserve the sweet life and I'm not saying that those who don't make it don't deserve peace either, but that's why I'm glad people like you and Eren are joining the Scouts. With people like you guys, I know the Titan threat will be eliminated and soon the whole world will have peace.” _

 

_ I smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  _

_ “I never saw it like that before. Thanks Marco.” _

 

_ Marco gave a smile back and stood up. _

 

_ “You're welcome Rayne.” _

 

_ He walked back towards camp and when he was gone, the frown returned to my face. _

 

_ That wasn't the real reason I hated Jean. Hell, I didn't hate him at all. The only person I hated was myself because for some reason, a part of me wanted to join the Military Police. Something told me that that was where I needed to go. I wasn't having it. What business would I have in the interior… _

 

_ When we finally made it back to base, the first thing I did was look for Eren, Mikasa and Armin. When I saw them, I smiled.  _

 

_ “Hey, how did you guys do?” I asked as we walked to get something to eat.  _

 

_ “We did pretty well. It was a little hectic at first but we managed to pull through. How did you do?” Eren asked, as we sat down at the table, followed by Mikasa and Armin. “How was it with Horse Face?” _

 

_ I looked over to where Jean was sitting with Daz and Marco.  _

 

_ “Actually, it wasn't too bad.” _

 

_ Eren’s eyes widened. _

 

_ “You're kidding right? How was it not bad? I bet all Jean ever talked about was the MPs.” He calmed down long enough to eat before looking back up at me. “Oh, please tell me this isn't a Reiner situation again?” _

 

_ I blushed heavily as I looked over to where Reiner was sitting. My heart started beating wildly and I looked away before he could catch me. _

 

_ “No! It's not like that!” I took a deep breath before looking up at my friends. “Marco told me something, before we got back. We may be on different paths but in the end, we're all here together. We're all family.” I looked over at Jean who gave me a small smile as he raised his glass. I returned the gesture before looking at Eren again. “He said we’re all in this fight together.” _

 

‘And it is only together that we will overcome our fears and win.’

 

All eyes were on me. Every single pair. I watched all as they flitted from me to my steaming Titan form.

 

I heard the whispers as well, the anger and fear being directed towards me. I didn’t care. None of that mattered. 

 

I had captured Annie. She was alive and I was going to make sure that she stayed safe.

 

I needed her. She was a key element in making sure my plan worked. 

 

“Commander Erwin! I have information, sir. I need to speak with you regarding this information immediately after we contain the Female Titan.”

 

I was about to move when I heard my name being called.

 

“Rayne!” Armin yelled, taking a step toward me. “What happened? What did you do?” 

 

His voice sounded weird. It was upset, confused. I could understand why.

 

“Armin.” I looked over at him. “Please, just calm down.”

 

“Calm down?! What just happened?” Someone yelled.

 

“Are you an enemy?! Speak up!” Someone else called out.

 

I kept looking at everyone, trying to get them to see that I meant no harm. 

 

“Everyone, please! I am not an enemy!” I looked down at Annie. “I just captured the Female Titan! Does that not show you who’s side I am on?!” I was met with more yells, but one voice cut through them all.

 

“Rayne Lee.” I felt my blood turn cold as I looked over to the source of the voice. Captain Levi. “You seem to be in a very precarious situation. I need you to answer me honestly.” Levi walked away from the Commander and took a couple steps in my direction, now a mere yard away from me. “How exactly did you catch her?” He asked like he knew he was going to not like the answer. 

 

I started to really look at him and the others around me. I looked into their eyes, I saw the looks on their faces.

 

That was when I started to worry. I could feel the sweat beading along my neck and hairline. I was in a serious amount of trouble.

 

“It-It’s not as bad as it looks, really.” I looked to Armin, hoping for some help. He was looking at me like he didn't even know me. 

 

“Are you sure? It looks really bad, Rayne.” Jean spoke up. “It looks like you just crawled out of that Wolf-like Titan.” 

 

Everyone's eyes were on me again as I turned to look at my Titan form.

 

I could remember despite being forced to use it for Marley, I was proud of my Titan. I felt powerful and full of life when I used to have to run in the hidden training facility back at Marley. It had large legs, much like a wolf’s but bigger and thicker around the thighs. The upper half of my Titan was covered in fur in some places while the rest looked like regular Titan skin. I had pointed fur covered ears and an eerie muzzle, full of sharp teeth. My arms were long and toned. My hands had large claws attached to long fingers. 

 

However, right now looking at it, I felt sick. No one else saw what I saw, they only saw a monster.

 

“Rayne.” Mikasa appeared, pushing past Jean and standing next to Levi. “That's not true, is it?” My eyes grew wide and oxygen was suddenly very hard to come by. I was starting to realize that maybe I should've told the truth from the beginning. Why didn’t I at least tell Mikasa? I had told her about my homeland, the land across the ocean. Why couldn’t I have told her about this?

 

“Mi-Mikasa…” I gasped, trying to keep my lungs full, trying to keep my knees from shaking. “It-It’s not like that, please. Just let me explain, I'll explain everything I promise.” I turned to the Commander. As always, so stoic. 

 

I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, to understand what was going on behind those blue eyes that seemed to pierce the very fiber of my soul. 

 

“Commander, I-” Before I could finish, I heard the sound of steam and looked up to see Eren coming out of his own Titan. He jumped down, falling to his knees. Of course, Mikasa was at his side in seconds. He slowly got up and I was about to walk to him because I could tell he was hurt. 

 

I watched as he limped toward me, his fist clenched, his brow furrowed. I gave him a worried look as he got closer to me. I didn't notice the daggers flying from his eyes into mine. 

 

“Eren, brother, are you-” I wasn't able to finish, because Eren punched me in the nose. 

 

It was a pretty hard hit. I staggered back, tears stinging my eyes as blood and mucus started leaking from my nostrils. Before I could fully comprehend what was happening, Eren was in my face with the front of my shirt caught in his fist. I brought up my hands to defend myself from another attack, but it didn't come. I would've preferred that to what did. 

 

“You!” Eren yelled, his green eyes on me, full of anger, mistrust and confusion. “You!” His fist started shaking and his eyes began to pool with tears. “How long have you known, Rayne? How long have you known that you were a Titan?!” I couldn’t understand his words. It was like my head was stuffed with wool. He shook me hard, trying to pull an answer from me. “HOW LONG?!” 

 

“S-Since my second week in the medical center, so almost t-two months.” Eren’s grip on me tightened and he gave me a dark look.

 

“You knew for that long and you didn’t say anything? How could you, Rayne? How could you keep quiet when all those people were killed? We could’ve used you. We could’ve easily captured Annie and we also would have avoided all this pointless death.” He got closer to me, so close I could see the hate deep in his eyes. I turned away. “How could you do that?” 

 

I didn’t know what to do or say. I could only stand there and look at him, watch as my family began to slowly turn their backs on me

 

“Eren.” I looked into his eyes, remembering when I first met him after his mom was crushed underneath his house. This was the only family I had. Him, Mikasa and Armin where everything to me. “I am so sorry.” I gripped his arms in my hands, blinking away tears and sniffing my nose, trying to stop the bleeding. “I never wanted this.” I whispered. “I had no choice.”

 

After a few seconds, Eren roughly pushed me away and I fell back, landing on the hard concrete. I looked up at him as he walked away toward Mikasa and Armin. 

 

“I trusted you.” He said as he stopped. He didn't turn to face me. I really wished he would. “I considered you family, Rayne. What does family do? They help each other, rely on each other and keep each other safe.” He finally turned to look at me. “I would’ve protected you. If you would’ve just come to me. I would’ve...!” He didn’t finish. He just turned away from me again.  

 

I looked down at my hands, ignoring the pain in my face. It was nothing compared to what I was feeling in my heart. 

 

“Okay, let’s be done with this horse shit.” I looked up and saw Levi heading for me. He stopped right in front of me his head down, arms crossed. It was hard to see his face, but I'm sure it had a look of disgust plastered on it. “All that matters is that we take care of this problem, right now. What we need to do is lock these two monsters up deep underground and prepare to question them.” I clenched my eyes tightly and I let out a shaky breath. I stood up and looked Levi right in the eyes. “I’m going to really enjoy the interrogation. As I recall from Hanji’s experiments on Eren, no matter what happens to you, you’ll heal.” He said, his eyes narrowing, a perverse satisfaction shining in them. “Also, I have a feeling that you won’t give up your answers without a fight. I just know you'll give me a hard time.”

 

Before he turned away from me, I was thrown back into Marley. I could see the glint of Zeke’s glasses as he walked toward me. I could feel the pain from his fists, kicks and the other things he used for his constant abuse. I remember my never ending torture, unsure if it was night or day. I remember wishing for death for the months my torture went on, the death that never came. 

 

I was going to be subjected to that all over again. I couldn't do it. I would not go back. I will not be going back.

 

As Levi turned away from me, I felt as if I was going to shatter into a million pieces. Everyone I cared about was turning their backs on me. 

 

“No, Captain. Wait, please.” I followed Levi and reached out to put my hand on his shoulder. 

 

As quick as a flash, he turned, a knife in his hand aiming right for my throat.

 

I threw up my hand, trying to harden it in time to block the blade.

 

I heard the loud clang as the metal struck and I jumped back. Out of instinct, my other hand hardened and I started to swing.

 

“That's enough! Levi! Rayne!” Erwin’s voice boomed out and he took a half step towards us.

 

I stopped my attack but Levi didn't.

 

He swung the knife again and I cried out, pushing him away from me.

 

“Levi!” Everyone else stayed where they were, frozen in place. The shock, fear and hate in some cases, was evident on peoples faces, as their eyes darted between me and the Captain.

 

“How can you stand there and try to explain yourself after all of this?” Levi asked me in a cold voice.

 

I slowly stood back up, my hand going up to cover the large cut on my face. I looked down at my hands before clenching them tightly. I looked back at Levi.

 

“Haven't you ever had to do something you didn't want to?” I asked softly. “You...you have to understand, please! I-I’m not a monster!” I cried out, my voice shaky, tears falling from my eyes. “I’m not a monster or traitor! I’m just a warrior! Please understand, I couldn't talk about it! I-I made a mistake! I'm so sorry!” 

 

Levi continued to glare at me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I could see the hate in his eyes.

 

“You’re a piece of shit.” He spat. “You're nothing but a lying traitor, no better than her,” he pointed at Annie. “Or the other two that you're working with.” I clenched my fists before opening them up, feeling as the skin hardened up to my wrists. I could feel the steam escaping my skin as my wound slowly healed.

 

“Shut up.” I hissed, as I stepped closer to him, my eyes glowing. “You don't know anything. You have no idea about what keeping this secret has done to me.” I looked into his eyes. “You don’t think I see them?” I saw how Daz looked after I cut his throat. I saw the look on Marco’s face as I attempted to kill him. No one knew what I had done, what I had been through. “I see them everyday, Captain. I have to live with the fact that I was the reason they died, especially when they didn’t have to.” 

 

“Rayne, just calm down.” I looked over and I saw Armin walking toward me and the Captain, his hands up. “It's going to be okay. We are going to hear you out but you have to calm down.”

 

He looked at me then at the Captain. Neither side was willing to yield. We looked like two wolves, circling each other, waiting to lunge. I looked over at Eren and saw him giving me a look that made me think he was seeing me for the first time. It was as if he was finally seeing who I really was. My breath was shaky and my tears were falling faster, cascading down my face like twin waterfalls. 

 

I started shaking my head, my fear of everything burning to the ground began to consume me.

 

“I am so sorry.” I looked over at Captain Levi, then Commander Erwin, Jean, Armin, Mikasa and Eren. I then looked over at where Annie lay unconscious and tied up, her limbs not yet healed. “I didn’t choose to be this way. I was forced to do what I did, forced to lie, to keep secrets and to just watch as all those people died. I just wanted to protect the ones I love.” I took a deep breath and lowered my hands, clenching them into tight fists at my sides. I could hear footsteps coming closer.

 

The Captain was going to finish me off. Oddly enough, I welcomed the idea.

 

“Levi! That's enough!” I looked up as I heard Commander Erwin. The Captain still had his knife drawn but he slowly lowered it before turning and walking back to the Commander.

 

I looked at his face, finally seeing a crack in his stone facade. 

 

I didn't have time to think about it. I heard Eren fall and I turned to him. He was hurt, his fight with Annie took a lot out of him. Also, my reveal didn't help matters either.

 

“Eren…” I took a step to him and that was when I was ambushed. A dozen MPs came out of nowhere and started to tie me up. They slapped my wrists in iron shackles and tied rope around my body. “No! Stop please! I'm sorry!” I turned to Levi and Erwin. “I'm so sorry!”

 

The one known as Nile came forward and nodded to his soldiers.

 

“Alright. Good job. Let's take her down and lock her up underground. I'll be in later to begin my interrogation.” He turned to Annie and motioned to her. “Take her down too.”

 

“No! Erwin! Please! Don't let them take me! Don't let them take me! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!” I was utterly terrified. I didn't want them to take me. I had to go and save Reiner, I had to keep Eren and everyone safe. They can't keep me here. I looked over at Mikasa and I tried to reach out to her. I needed her. She was the one I should've trusted. 

 

She is the only one I can trust.

 

“Mikasa! Please!” I looked into her steel gaze. “Mikasa! Don't let them take me!” 

 

“Wait!” She cried out, her strong and musical voice cutting through the wind. She ran to me but was stopped before she could reach me.

 

“Step down, soldier.” Nile blocked her path and my view of her.

 

“No, let her go. I can't let you take her!” She started to draw a blade but was grabbed by Armin from behind.

 

“Mikasa stop!” Armin yelled, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

 

“Let me go, Armin! How can you just let them take her? It's Rayne!”

 

Armin looked at me, just barely in view behind Commander Dok. I met his blue eyes, remembering how Armin was the one I would go to first when I had a problem. I could depend on him, but I let him down.

 

I let them all down.

 

“I know it is, but we can't stop it.” He said in a shaky voice, pulling her away from me.

 

“Armin...please…” Armin just turned away, tears falling down his face.

 

Commander Dok turned back to me and leaned down to look me in the eyes.

 

“Rayne Lee, as of this moment you are now in the custody of the Military Police. You will be taken to the Capital first thing in the morning and there your fate will be decided.” He straightened up and I was being pulled back. “Okay, let's go.”

 

“No! No, no, no! You can't take me!” I thrashed as hard as I could, fighting with all my strength to get away. “Mikasa!! Mikasa, please!! Don't let them take me!! Armin! Eren! I'm sorry!! Please!!” I watched them watch me get dragged away. No one made another move to come to my rescue. 

 

I closed my eyes, succumbing to my captors as they tied a rag around my mouth. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye, I could only watch the ground as I was dragged away.

 

“Rayne!” My eyes snapped open and Jean was standing away from the crowd, taking some steps towards me. “It's okay! Don't worry! We're going to figure this out!” 

 

Jean. He was my family, they all were. I watched as Jean stood up for me. He turned towards everyone and began to speak. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he was fighting for me, and it made me feel just a little bit better.

 

There was still a chance that I was going to be taken to the Capital. If that happened, then Reiner would think I abandoned him and Bertholt will kill him with no hesitation if he decided not to follow the mission. 

 

My fate and the fate of others rested in the hands of Jean Kirstein.

 

How could I ever look him in the eyes again?

 

xxxxxx

 

I just couldn't stay quiet anymore. Rayne is a part of us, a part of our family and I couldn't let anything happen to her.

 

“Where the hell is your loyalty?!” I yelled, staring into the eyes of the family that let her get taken. “Rayne may have made some mistakes, but which of us can call themselves perfect?!” 

 

Eren, of course, spoke up first.

 

“A mistake? Are you kidding me?!” He stomped over to me, getting in my face. “People are dead because she chose to stay quiet!” 

 

“Maybe she really had no choice!” I yelled as I looked into everyone's eyes. “What if she was being threatened by the other two she's associated with? What if she really is on our side and she's just trying to keep us safe?”

 

Eren turned away, unable to look in my eyes. They all couldn't. I couldn't believe it. 

 

“All those years we spent training with each other, taking care of each other and you're all ready to throw her to Capital! To the gallows!”

 

I shook my head, my fists clenched and shaking with anger.

 

“You're all pathetic.” I said as I walked away from Eren, Mikasa and Armin and made my way to the Commander.

 

“Commander Erwin, you heard her, right? She has information! She also knows who the other two infiltrators are! She's invaluable to the Survey Corps, we can't just let them take her!”

 

Commander Erwin looked down at me, his brow furrowed.

 

“I'm not sure if I'll be able to get her, Kirstein. She's in the custody of the Military Police. But I'll try and if I'm able to succeed, you will be responsible for her. If she kills anyone, or betrays us then that's on you.” 

 

I swallowed hard and he looked at me again.

 

“I understand, Commander.” I saluted and he gave a nod before walking away.

 

I took a deep breath, remembering what Marco told me about family. He was right. We were in this fight together and if we can't trust each other then the fight has already been lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so sorry for not updating any of my stories in so long. If no one is reading this anymore I understand. If you are I greatly appreciate it.


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